2175. Dating in Mid-life — Part C8: Her Past, A Simpler View

You can’t shape the dating atmosphere to your advantage without anticipating what is likely to come up. This post is aimed at reinforcing the more practical side of a subject and admittedly aims more at younger than more mature women.

Perhaps the toughest test of your worth to Mr. Good Enough, can and will he accept you without knowing the details of your past sex life? He has four interests: to determine his comparative value as a lover, to prevent his embarrassment as your lover, to determine the likelihood of you cheating, and what really intrigues him: Promiscuous? With his friends? With someone he knows? Mistress? Shack up? Cheap? Easy?

It’s his nature; he’s born that way. Men begrudge anyone who went before them, and the begrudging varies with who are the individuals. Husbands can be forgotten as legitimate earners of your favors (unless you bring it up)—but not the others and some measure of too many or too much reflects harshly against not just you but more importantly him.

CAUTION: The Manosphere loudly broadcasts that women are equally entitled to sexual freedom and their history is of no concern to advocates of Game philosophy. Don’t fall for it, darling. Their philosophic values are founded on the supreme superiority of men over women to the extent that respect for women is non-existent. Their philosophic flavoring floats on Feminism, tends toward homoeroticism, and leans on Islamic values. Overall, it contradicts anyone’s interest in sexual discretion and monogamy.

Here are a dozen pointers to help shape the dating scene to your advantage.

1. Your known past generates suspicions that override acceptances and assurances. Your unknown past generates fewer suspicions to eat away at the mutual trust you hope to build.  [241]
2. Men seek and others often advise full disclosure. When men actively pursue more about your past, they can’t ignore and not use the information to shape their thinking. Talked into full disclosure, women expect fairness and equality. The male nature does not originate fairness for sharing sexual assets, and equality is a female concept that men don’t normally consider in human relations. [241]
3. People argue that trust cannot arise without full disclosure. Hah! Trust arises from convictions drawn from beliefs and speculation about a person. Trust does not arise when specific knowledge prevents such convictions. [241]
4. Full disclosure comes out uneven, unequal, un-repairable, because the male nature values a woman’s chastity far more than the female nature finds interest in a man’s sexual history.  [241]
5. The harder a man works to draw details out of your sexual past, the more likely he will use it against you sometime, someway. Perhaps latently, indirectly, or vengefully. It’s available to hold over your head and to rationalize or recover from his own mistakes. [241]
6. Forgetting your sexual past with lack of knowledge is far easier than forgiving what Mr. GoodEnough learns from full disclosure. The more he knows, the more he thinks. The more he thinks, the more he looks for the bad or unacceptable. The more unacceptable, the less forgetting. The less forgetting, the less forgiving. [241]
7. Feminine intuition trumps full-disclosure. While not easy, you are blessed with the skills and expertise to withhold who, what, when, where, why, and how of what he doesn’t already know. Withholding information is not dishonesty. Disclosure means candid, accuracy means honest. [302]
8. His spirit and willingness to give more than he takes may indicate his ability to honor your decision and help qualify him as Mr. GoodEnough. However, if he’s more of a taker, he may not honor your other expectations either. Such as these after marriage: Have kids even though he agreed. Or your desire to stay home and home school, when he wants more income in the home. Or support you in caring for a sick parent. [327]
9. Your undisclosed sexual past defends your relationship, because his ammo box lacks your historical bullets to fire back in domestic squabbles. [327]
10. The forward-thinking woman convinces all her female friends to never leak anything about her past to her dating partner, boyfriend, husband, or any other man. But this may fail too, because friends betray friends. They steal dates, boyfriends, lovers, and husbands, don’t they? Consequently, the wisest woman keeps her sexual history as secret as possible even from friends and family. [327]
11. Former relationships may be known to your man, but no mention should be made or comparative details disclosed. It’s toxic in any relationship for you to disclose the relative sexual worth of one man to another, regardless of who’s the better. [302]
12. Don’t think you can outsmart him by claiming he’s your greatest lover ever. You opened the door to his inquiry about how and why he’s the greatest, so you’re trapped into telling what you’re best off not to disclose.

The more that Mr. GoodEnough knows, the more likely he will make you pay some price for your past. Couples do squabble. You may never know or understand what’s happening. Yet, he may strike back because of your earlier sexual events. It takes very little for reminders of your past to grow into humiliation for him. Your history affects his sense of significance, whether you know it or not and accept it or not. 

I know this subject has been perhaps overheated and difficult to accept. Too much of a good thing can still be boring. Tomorrow’s subject is also a tender one that needs to be reviewed for mid-life dating. It’s submission, even though we all know that subject doesn’t apply before marriage. Preparation is easier than recovery, which is the not just everything but quite often the only thing.

 

2033. Female Blessings at Birth — 46-48

I continue asking for your agreement/disagreement on the long list I’ve compiled. This is the 16th group of three blessings, and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

With each item, do you agree that you and other females inherit it at birth? Or, is it something you and others learn later in life? False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, or it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

In case you’re new to this blog or wonder why I compiled the long list of blessings. I hope to close the gaps and shortcomings in the following causes and effects so that modern women can have better lives.

• A woman’s happiness depends primarily on the gratefulness that accumulates in and shines outward from her heart.
• Women can only be as grateful for others and things as they are individually grateful for who and what they are as a person, woman, wife, mother, girlfriend, granny, church-goer, encourager, Christian, Jew, American, Korean, employee, and on and on and on…. The key term being grateful for self, self-gratitude.
• Women will or should be more grateful for themselves as individuals if they are aware of just how magnificently they have been designed, endowed, and energized to be the key players in life and compatible with themselves, others, and especially a lifetime mate.

Where I explain or add comment with each blessing, perhaps I could be wrong in your eyes. Feel free to challenge me. I’m not trying to be right, just searching for and clearly describing truth—as close as we can get it. I search for the naturally endowed blessings that empower and encourage women to use their irresistible force to override the immovable object of male dominance, the superior sex vs. the dominant one.

These are the blessings for your consideration today.

46. I am honest in all affairs of the heart, but I reserve the right to know when and with whom to disclose my feelings. I am suspicious of anyone who pushes on me to disclose the details of what resides there. [Guy adds: The popular practice of ‘full disclosure’ within couples torpedoes the best interest of women by playing to the man’s game. The more he know about her, the more easily he plays to her weaknesses to facilitate conquest and subsequent control of their sexual agenda. Of course a few men are not like that, but she will be an old lady before she can without fail discern the difference. However, she does learn from experience and can spot the threat more easily in her daughters’ boyfriends.]

47. I have so many blessings in my life for which I am grateful. [Guy adds: Women are born capable of being happy but they have to earn it by keeping their heart filled with gratitude. To look for happiness in other ways is to miss it at best or find the onramp to misery at least. That’s why women who can’t be grateful for their work effort and job outside the home should look elsewhere—with or without their job—for things and people with whom they can find more gratitude. Purposely find ways to express her gratefulness among others and it will return her to happier days.]

48. I think enough of myself that I can help bear the burdens of someone else. [Guy adds: The mothering instinct is a superbly reinforced-by-childbirth extension of a woman’s interest in caring about and for others. However, low self-esteem weakens her concern about others. It leaves her with self-serving convictions that she does or should come first among others, which reduces her concern and caring for and about others. She isn’t born with low self-esteem; it’s hardwired by caregivers in infancy.]

Example for your response: “48-F” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinion. More blessings from the list will follow in a day or two.

 

1998. Compatibility Axioms #443 — She Duplicates Men

443. Women generate incompatibility when they endorse male values by copying masculine behavior. Their short-range wishes torpedo their long-range thinking. Their future begins to melt and they later morph into the multiplex of singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, depression, divorce, gloom, and misery. (I don’t argue against the comfort or convenience, but only how such things affect men and weaken respect for women generally and each one individually.) A few examples of wrongful copying:

• Women too easily and too often discard lovely and attractive feminine attractiveness. They copy men with tee shirts, careless hairdos, black or dull and ragged clothes, tattoos, piercings. [152]
• Either not caring or presuming the right to argue in his face, women compete against their man after conquest, when the male nature expects only cooperation from a conquered woman. [152]
• Women adopt masculine-style sexual freedom. They let men get by dodging personal commitments, domestic obligations, and responsible habits. Lack of time before conquest prevents words of commitment rising to actions of devotion. Being given frequent and convenient access to sex without marital obligation, men don’t have to provide the extra-female-friendly things that truly benefit women as custom and each woman in particular. [152]
• By absorbing feminist politics, women condemn the masculine nature while turning off or tuning out their female nature. [152]
• If she can depend on herself, she doesn’t need him. If that happens, she’s not grateful for him. If that happens, he’s not interested in staying with her beyond the eagerness of romantic love. [152]
• Women discard feminine mystique. They quit using old school hard-to-get. They mistakenly expect that men appreciate a woman’s sacrifice of her sexual assets. With so little to do to score, men sun themselves later in boredom instead of pleasing women as women wish they could be pleased. [152]
• Women plead for mutual and meaningful full disclosure, but men have no obligation for being as accurate as women expect. Men hear weakness in her disclosures and use it to get her into bed. It fine tunes men to deal openly but with no obligation for either candidness or honesty. [152]
• Exposing her weaknesses before conquest reduces the size and intensity of the fascination and promise he sees in her that guides him to the altar. [152]
• Women think everything should be more equal, so they upstage men by initiating sex. Men welcome it, but it short-circuits or at least weakens a man’s respect that is so essential for enduring love to develop as romantic love fades. [152]
• Experience with many sex partners hardens a woman’s heart. It makes her cynical, suspicious, and unable to like herself enough to hold a man very easily. [152]

1963. Compatibility: Where It All Begins

Her Highness Martha inspired this post. Dressed to the nines, as a nurse she went to work. Her assignment was to care for a dying lady, and she performed with feminine grace.

Both sexes are born to be compatible living with a mate of the opposite sex. The process to initiate, prove, and sustain compatibility is called life.

Men marry because of the promise they see in a woman and stay married because the promise continues. (Not what she promises him but what he perceives and imagines all by himself.)

The promise is based on her virtues, which are qualities that he admires. He sees or imagines certain qualities to be both good and desirable for his ambitions, plans, and life. Each virtue amplifies others, and her routinely well-groomed attractive appearance provides the greatest amplification. (Men judge by what they see much more than by what they hear; women, of course, are the opposite.)

When she routinely dresses neat, classy, and attractive, the door springs open to masculine desire to uncover other virtues. Sex is admittedly foremost in each man’s thoughts. However, it is easily discouraged because classy style and confident charm make men cautious. Fearful of ‘missing out’, they explore her inner self. Looking for ways to overcome her resistance to yielding sex, men uncover other virtues. Out of that process, men find promise in a woman. (‘Full disclosure’ torpedoes a woman’s interests for three reasons. 1) Men do not fully accept what they hear. 2) Out of what they hear, they screen for weaknesses to exploit for conquest. 3) Men do not appreciate unearned gifts, such as her inner thoughts being exposed out of her good intentions, wishes, or hopes.)

It makes the lengthy and platonic courtship the most profitable compatibility-building arrangement for women. After conquest, men quit looking for weaknesses and finding virtues. They have what they came after, dominance of their sexual agenda together. Man-think: He paid her price, he is worthy of her, and so he knows her well enough—whether she is worthy of him remains undetermined and her problem.

The sexes are born to be different but compatible. Women are hardwired for compatibility. Men are capable but must be taught and trained by women, the relationship experts. God gives us free will to work it all out ourselves.

NOTE: Details about virtue can be found in post 1945.

1511. Friendly Reminders — #4

• Women convince themselves that men are after only one thing, so they play along to get along. With each new generation every six or seven years, the male-dominated pop culture becomes more sophisticated at prioritizing sex over the females’ importance to men; unconditional respect for the opposite sex doesn’t form. Men and boys become ever more disrespectful and disdainful in their treatment of females. Were men after only one thing, they would never get involved helping one woman fulfill her hopes and dreams.
• A woman makes progress when she makes a man win his way into her events, inner circle, life, and especially inner self. What she easily gives up can discourage his full interest, appreciation, and respect.
• Full disclosure removes mystery, the kind that invites curiosity and holds interest. Too much knowledge means less curiosity, which means less interest, which generates less investment time, which means less intense involvement, which generates fewer opportunities to develop his devotion to her, which results in a relationship shortened by the exchange of too much personal knowledge.
• Movies and TV send male-friendly messages to the contrary, but a female should never, never, never initiate hook up or instigate link up, shack up, knock up, or marry up. Unless the guy initiates and earns her presence and what she provides, the value of whatever follows drops off—including her value to him.

1378. Women Screw Up

Younger women screw up their lives with beliefs they shouldn’t have, facts not understood, and expectations never fulfilled by men. They:

• Disdain uniqueness that makes a female interesting. They want to look and act alike as if groupthink, copycat clothing, and uncared-for hair have attraction for anything other than sex.
• Carry girlhood thoughts into adulthood, such as popularity is the primary measure of one’s importance.
• Practice grossness in the name of gender freedom.
• Display laziness of personal appearance and grooming that men take as invitation to dominate. If she doesn’t go along to get along, no big loss.
• See no connection between dressing erotically and being misunderstood about their wishes or intentions.  
• Expect to be judged by their internal Self, by who they really are. They often appear so uninteresting and common, however, that men are discouraged from sticking around to find out who they really are, and especially after conquest.
• Carry their interesting Self inside just waiting for an opportunity to reveal it or better yet to exchange it with a man’s interesting Self. Thoughts of full disclosure excite them but their uninteresting outside doesn’t attract much interest toward their inside persona.
• Lose society’s battles of the sexes, because they give away the cultural war of the sexes. The battles are governed by the moral, social, and domestic values and standards that make up the culture. For example, low morality minimizes social pressures and favors men, okays infidelity, and enhances male dominance. High morality generates and strengthens social pressures that stifle male dominance, reward faithfulness, favor women and children, and promote the family as primary cultural institution.
• Give up their self-respect to make their selves popular. They don’t grasp this connection: A woman’s self-respect is essential for a man’s respect for her to develop. His respect of her is the foundation upon which his love thrives. So, as her self-respect fails to shine, so will a man’s love.

As you can see, common translates as uninteresting which makes women much less important than they want to be. So, they face continual frustrations from having developed poor habits of thought and appearance.

884. Coffee and Tea with Mrs. G. #04

Ladies: These thoughts help females triumph.

• The first sign of creeping airheadedness: She’s depressed or desperate and doesn’t look for, assess, and judge each man’s character for compatibility with her hopes and dreams.
• Advice for newlyweds: If not during courtship, then very early master the art of laughing at Self and each other without spite or malice. Mutual laughter that expresses enjoyment of each other bonds better in the long run than does sex.
• I stopped Guy saying this, but it’s so advisory for females that someone should: Tact is the Vaseline of social intercourse.
• If men don’t compete, they retreat. It can be shameful for wife, family, children, and other dependents.
• Success for females hinges largely on knowing when and when not to talk. Full disclosure and especially having the urge to cite all that’s wrong sours, spoils, or rots a relationship.
• We claim: Behind every man there’s a better woman, and a woman’s work is never done for that reason. Guy claims: Behind every man there’s a buttered-up woman, and a man’s work is never done doing it. (Our lives would be much better if men and women kidded and joked about each other good naturedly like this rather than maliciously as feminists taught many of us.) 

More follows next week.

822. RANDOM THOUGHTS — Group 14

 

• A wife often fully discloses and keeps her feelings for husband out in the open. She overdoes lathering him with affection and appreciation. It  overloads him with uncomfortable thoughts that he’s somehow lacking for not doing the same. Emotional discomfort causes a man to search for comfort in something other than her.
• If a married man only eats and flops at home and uses wife for sex, then she has an arrangement of her own making. She had a courtship and possesses the relationship expertise to evaluate his self-centeredness, prospects for pleasing her, and potential to help achieve her hopes and dreams.
• Sexual incompatibility is a function of not trying to work together, which likely comes from immaturity, lack of mutual respect, lack of self-respect, selfishness, self-centeredness, narcissism, or several of the above.
• For dispute resolution women focus on equality, and men focus on fairness. Reaching for equality causes further disruption, but fairness possesses a settling effect. Wife being submissive may be no more than accepting fairness as ultimate common denominator in the home. 
• Men need priming to assume the particular responsibility that makes the conscience work, aka holding Self accountable. Men in fact tend to avoid it, so females and especially moms must assume a teaching role if they expect something different. (As Tocqueville said: “Morals are the work of woman.”)