2101 — Compatibility Axioms #551-560

551. Christian men complain that young women and girls dress so seductively for church that they discredit God and steal male attention away from church teachings. Church-going men usually make good husbands, but they must be proud of how their wife appears in public. [200]

552. If she doesn’t dominate the courtship agenda, she won’t have much power in any other arrangement—except separation. [201]

553. “We are mutually co-dependent,” she imagines. Women think or hope that men are like females in their thinking, habits, and urge to constantly be together—wrong! [201]

554. If she does not like herself and love being a female, she will not appreciate any man for very long—except the older, father figure. [201]

555. If she stands for nothing but the popular and fashionable, she will fall for what’s new—including another man. [201]

556. If women don’t condemn what embarrasses them, they undermine their self-respect and miss opportunities to gain the respect of men for female sensibilities. [201]

557. Marriage boils down to this: She chose him. As the relationship expert, she’s responsible to qualify him and place value on whatever he’s selling. Then, as the buyer, she makes whatever adjustments are necessary to live with what she ‘purchased’. [201]

558. Modern women use sex, hope, and loving affection to bond their future with a man. But the multitude of short relationships shows that it doesn’t work very well. [201]

559. Instead of making men prove they are worthy of her as the buyer and him as the seller, modern women reverse those roles in order to have a boyfriend. They consider the present more important than the future, which is the male and not female priority of life. [201]

560. Men highly value female virtue. The promise of eventual conquest of a virtuous woman adds honor to his manly persona and significance. But it’s up to women to demonstrate the qualities that men admire and decide are virtuous. [202]

 

2001. Male’s Primal Urge to Conquer Females

This article may shock you. It’s about the most unique aspect of the male nature. The way men are born and before they experience life growing up or associating with women. Before they are trained and pressured by women to hide one trait within their nature, which in turn brings out many causes and effects.

You have your unique modesty. Men have a unique urge for first-time sex with attractive women. When you understand and respect this unique trait in men, you will be better prepared to handle that which often offends girlfriends, lovers, live-ins, and wives.

Every man’s interest is stirred by sexually attractive females. Your man’s reactions to seeing one is NOT automatically a reflection against you. It may be but more likely it’s not if you mean anything to him except for sex. His primal urge is not disloyalty to you. It’s his nature exposing itself, a subconscious urge jumping up before your easily offended eyes. You should ignore it until you find confirming signs of his betrayal of you. Or better yet, be grateful that he chose you. (If you had it once, you must still have it unless you let IT slip away.)

Urge to conquer is one of two actions common to all men. His glance at a moving object is natural (as explained elsewhere) and more than a glance is natural at a sexually attractive female. Your taking offense just adds harmful pressure to your relationship. However, in no way do I alibi for men who take their interest beyond a good look, beyond what their nature prompts and their society-developed character should avoid.

The conquering urge in males causes or produces these effects across relationships and society:

1. The males’ primal urge to have first-time sex with many women is divorced from female interests. A target’s interests have influence only to the extent that she conditions his thinking to subordinate his nature in order to please her for other things.
2. His conquering urge is single-mindedness that springs open at sight of a sexually attractive female and repeats itself until a particular target is conquered or disposed of mentally. The urge prevails above and beyond the actual, practical, and even impossible conquests. Social and domestic pressures generated by women cause men to civilize their involuntary urges into more compatible and female-friendly behavior.
3. The urge to conquer stands disconnected from warm and kind feelings. However, emotional connections with sex targets develop as a woman’s refusal to yield to conquest spurs his frustrations into delving deeper into her psyche.
4. Whether dating or courting, he looks for weaknesses to facilitate conquest. Accidentally, serendipitously, or purposely programmed by her, he discovers qualities of vital interest to him. Those he comes to admire are considered virtues. Wanting to marry a virtuous woman, the more virtues he finds before conquest, the more promising she looks as potential mate. That places her higher on the ‘keeper spectrum’, and so he chooses to spend more time with her rather than just vanish. What determines the outcome? How she conducts their relationship before conquest such that her worth as potential mate outweighs his urge to conquer. Effectively, she waters down his urge with her feminine mystique, female modesty, virtuous fascination, and monogamous spirit plus a gigantic patience and immense likeability that he thrives on whether it’s obvious or not.
5. Civilizing influences and social and domestic pressures tame male sexual aggression. Men are pressured to hold in check and disguise their conquering urge. Exploiting female innocence and desire for romance, men manage to harmonize it with social interactions.
6. Romance opens the door to her heart, which cracks open the door to earlier conquest, which stirs men to be romantic although it’s foreign to the male nature. So, romance forces men to go against their nature in order to conquer according to their nature. (Another reason that both sexes fail to understand the other.)
7. After conquest he’s a different man relative to the conquered. First, conquest releases his nature to consider other targets. His primal urge is reinvigorated. Second, he views the just-conquered woman in a totally different light. The spectrum runs from marriage to immediate disappearance with these possibilities in between: romance her, probable keeper, friend, booty, dumpee. The choice he makes depends upon the pre-conquest relationship that she as the expert was able to develop.
8. With each woman conquered, his life changes relative to her. Whatever relationship developed before that, it will be different afterward. Whereas he expected and responded to her competitive spirit, especially to protect her sexual assets, he expects it to end. He afterward expects her cooperation sans competition. Discovering new virtues in her is both harder and slower after conquest, because he’s no longer looking for weaknesses. Effectively, the respect she earned before conquest is the level of respect she will enjoy subsequently. This is the real enigma of conquest: She is no bigger or better than what he conquered. She doesn’t lose anything; he just doesn’t recognize much more worth in her until a lengthy and happy marriage teaches him otherwise. (Now, obviously there’s a measure of hyperbole in that claim. But the essence is true. A woman’s worth as a woman—as opposed to her worth to him—is generally the worth she earns defending her sexual assets.)
9. The conquering urge lasts for life. It can only be tamed and women must do the taming. The intensity fades later in life but the sight of a sexually attractive female stimulates his interest long after age-related practicality or marital obligations prevent anything else.*

Consequently, women know so little about the male nature that they—even as the relationship experts—misplay the dating and courtship agendas.

If wife gets jealous because husband looks at attractive women, she should judge on what he does and not what he thinks momentarily. She’s no less valuable to him; he just reacts instinctively. To her it’s simple-thoughtlessness. To him its single-mindedness inherited at birth. To be sure, men should train themselves to be less offensive in their natural habits, but many men just don’t respect women generally or their woman in particular enough to do that.

Men are born with the primal urge to conquer as many as practical. It’s up to women to learn how to exploit it rather than be victimized. Don’t you at least suspect that our ancestor women developed the institution of marriage to at least check and hopefully check mate the male nature?

——

*Several years ago I renewed a dormant friendship with a school chum (both are 83). A couple of visits, dozens of emails, and exchanges of opinion on common-interest subjects brought not one mention of attractive women. Both of us became widowers this year. In the past few days we have exchanged several emails on the subject of sexually attractive women. Oh, not speculating anything. Just that particularly noticeable ones improve the appeal of TV (from which I have weaned myself for other reasons). Even as octogenarians, female attractiveness attracts because the primal urge never dies. Hope wilts but not the urge.

 

1742. Hope, Respect, and Trust — Part I

Emerson said “The world turns on hope.” Without it, a person’s energy is stifled and they sit down to do nothing or worse, perhaps with drugs. Hope motivates individuals and each has his own version. However, personal ability to influence others is required to mutualize hope between individuals, such as in a couple or family.

The world of influencing others turns on respect, which generates trust in return, which reinforces the initial respect, which reinforces the initial trust, and which continues to compound until their respective hopes find mutuality and compatibility. Respect sends the message, “I hold you in high regard.” Trust sends the message, “I’m grateful for associating with you.” Mutual interests are thus enabled to join as the person influenced shapes his self-interest to match more closely that of the influencer.

If the respect of the influencer is missing or lost, it takes some inducement, threat, or force to complete the process of influencing others.

Most people know how to show respect for and to others. But I’ve uncovered a way by which moms, dads, and other leaders screw up their good intentions. It follows tomorrow.

678. Respect Revisited — I

Ladies, watch this one closely: Relationships revolve around respect, and she’s in charge. She initiates and he responds. She has to show her respect and also earn his.

♦       Men don’t respect females as they respect men or as women hope to be respected.

♦       Men may take a liking to a woman on first encounter, but they don’t respect her automatically as she expects. He may acquiesce to her wishes, but it equates more to duty and hope than respect.

♦       Women have a huge advantage over men. As a respect-earner, nothing either gender has or does works better than females withholding unmarried sex.

♦       The longer she holds off for sex, the greater the respect she earns. The closer to virginity she appears, the more respectable she is to conqueror, serious suitor, and discouraged player.

♦       A man loves a woman, but she sees few signs that she’s respected. To his competitive nature, showing respect directly weakens his presentation of Self. He reacts more to his nature than to her expectations. It’s also why men must be taught to be gentlemanly, and why high quality females aka ladies must set the example.

510. Virtual Virginity #22

Uncommitted single women float around in the social atmosphere ill prepared to succeed dealing with men:

¸ Some want a man so badly, they’ll do anything. They use sex as attraction and have no other game plan. They hook up with hope, only to later hear each guy’s “Nope.”

¸ Others want a man, but they’re uncertain, cautious, and either have no values and standards or don’t live by those they do have. Their game plan has holes in it. Men pounce on each weakness. The holes kill holding power and make easier his escape to the next trophy.

¸ Still others elevate their masculine-style sexual freedom above having one man. They have the wrong game plan, if they expect to hold a man for very long.

The same answer helps all three groups. Virtual virginity doesn’t foolproof the game, but it focuses a couple on themselves instead of sex and the future rather than the present. Both prospects interest a man, and that’s holding power.

489. DATING 4: Asking for First Date II

We return to the workings of the male mind, as it considers asking for first date.

Impressions are stronger than facts, because we’re emotional creatures. Mystery about her sexual proclivities works best to attract his asking for first date.

©     Men admire chastity in a woman, but they don’t hit on nuns. Why? Respect, of course, and lack of hope. As Emerson claims: The world turns on hope.

©     If hopeful of sex and he’s not playing it vague and unavailable, he normally asks for a date. If she declares, avows, or everyone knows that she’s into no sex without marriage, she eliminates hope and might as well be in nun’s habit. Why ask for date unless he already seeks to marry on her terms?

©     Mystery surrounding her chasteness is stronger and more a challenge than is the certainty or absence of it. A sprinkling of suspicion about her standards does far more to capture a man’s curiosity and spark his imagination for conquest, hence make him more likely to ask her out.

©     Mystery pays. Smiles without reason, friendliness without eagerness, and preliminary conversation without sex overtones pays off. Familiarity reduces mystery and works against her. Sex lures and objectification, for example, reduce risk for him. It also reduces respect and value for her.

©     Females fish with full disclosure, as if males appreciate it as women do. This gives a male time and info to reduce his risk of rejection. First date may result, but less risk means weaker investment of his Self, which means less value and respect for her, which weakens prospects for second date.

Summarizing, chasteness earns a man’s respect and admiration, but his knowledge of its certainty can discourage asking for first date.

283. Female dominance: Gone! —Part 9

          Our foremothers courted as the buyer, married, and became the seller. Modern women court as the seller, marry, and become the buyer. The former married permanently, the latter marries temporarily.

Our foremothers knew the price and paid for their man up front. They withheld sex and qualifed his potential for Mr. Right. Then they married and she rewarded him for husbanding and fathering. This helped him grow into Mr. Right.

Modern women reverse it. They act as discount sellers to capture and marry. Then they act as buyer and expect husband to keep elevating his value at the discounted rewards wife’s willing to give—especially reduced gratitude and cheap respect.

Consequently, modern women rely on hope, because they don’t or can’t qualify a man’s potential for either Mr. Right or lifetime dedication to her.

Women give up their abilities. They provide sex in exchange for faux devotion, that is verbal commitment. Modern women then pay the full price when they lose their man or dump him as inadequate.

[More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 252, 237, 222, 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

229. Sex and the fickle girl—Part 10

♀ Women can access sexual relations at whatever speed, frequency, and convenience they desire. Men can’t. So who wins when women adopt masculine-style sexual freedom? Who loses as enabled men flit blossom-to-blossom?

♀ If she can’t risk being dumped to slow his inevitable conquest, she’s highly vulnerable to being dumped later.

♀ Modern women rely on sex, hope, and loving affection to bond their future with a man. But short relationships show it doesn’t work very well.

♀ Women don’t just want men to bond. They want a husband as bond servant to help with housekeeping, child care, constant togetherness.

♀ Women dress their young daughters like hookers and allow adolescent girls to dress likewise—even in church. Pastors stew in near silence. The Marrying Man looks for someone else. Respectable fathers shake their head in exasperation.

♀ Women are not hunters by nature. Yet, some abandon the female persona, hunt with erotic attire, and offer sex with little obligation. When they fail to enjoy life as men do, ennui and depression set in.

♀ Women expect to kiss a frog into prince hood. Men expect their woman to elevate them from prince to king. Modern women fail to provide this second ‘promotion’.

 

[More about sex and fickle females appears in posts 216, 201, 184, 170, 160, 148, 137, 93, and 34. Scroll down or search by the number followed by a dot and space.]