2268. Love Ballads, Jukebox

http://www.1959bhsmustangs.com/VideoJukebox.htm#

Look what a fantastic jukebox someone sent me. The builder of this deserves great honor.

I pass it to you ladies to listen to very popular love ballads from back in the day. Back when the male gender respected the female gender more than its own and vice versa; it doesn’t get much closer to unconditional respect than that.

You may want to hear the loving words and music but also pay attention to the respect that underwrites the words that suggest respectable men very respectful of women. In those days, boys and men didn’t hit brazenly on women. They gently nudged themselves in close like respectable innocents seeking acceptance before advancing further. Listen to the song LINDA for the clearest expression of the idea. It’s how girls used to teach boys to be mannerly instead of overly bold and abrasive to female sensibility.

As I write this, I enjoy the section in the right column at top of home page titled “#1 Hits: 1945-1949.” Each at one time hit the top of the best 40 chart or Hit Parade. A lot of ballads are there. Some comic, silly, but popular ones are included> Some will make you laugh and perhaps smirk; culture shock, you know. In those days, this was mostly adolescent territory; they bought most of the records.

If you’re after love ballads, I suggest you move about pretty much in the 1930s through the 1950s and maybe a few in the 1960s.

P.S. I forgot something. You like romance? The love ballads taught boys about romance, what it is and what to do about it to please girls. Girls taught them the HOW of it. How do guys learn about romance today? It’s not part of the male nature.

 

2267. Attention, Ladies

I’m leaving town early Friday but expect to be back online Saturday morning. We have exciting exchanges going about a fiancé’s weekend soirees. Keep the pot stirred, ladies, until I get back. I’m sure we all have more to say.

Guy

396. What daughters never hear — Section 10

Dear Daughter, no doubt you’ve considered and maybe argued the merits and demerits of teen chastity and abstinence. Did you consider the following?

What happens in adolescence governs much of what happens in husbanding. Men learn as teens how to later treat women.

·        Female abstinence and virtue generate conditional respect for individual girls, while chastity among other girls earns unconditional respect for their gender. Both kinds of respect are essential for enduring love and permanent husbanding to arise as motivators among men. 

·        Actions speak loudest to boys. By successfully resisting the mutual urge to merge, girls confirm their own virtue and breathe it into boys’ minds.

·        Virtue more than sex makes a female more personally and permanently appealing. (Morality serves females more than males. Moral standards build virtue and reinforce female strengths so useful in restraining male dominance.)

·        Girls train boys to be men this way: Teen virtue and abstinence holds in check both the male and female urge to merge. For both boys and girls, deferred gratitude teaches desirable habits that condition minds over hormones, thoughts over feelings, and Us before Self.

Boyhood consists of little men that need their values shaped so they later help fulfill female hopes and dreams. Thus, Girlhood determines what Womanhood faces with Manhood.

PS. One last but critical thought: When Girlhood rules itself with virtue and abstinence, boys turned down don’t take it personal. “She’s all hung up”. When Girlhood provides sex easily, boys turned down take it personal. He must be lacking, since she yields to other boys. He’s indirectly told that he’s insignificant or worse. His self-esteem takes a temporary hit, but self-image takes a permanent hit: He can’t compete with other guys. Forced to face his shortcomings so dramatically causes bitterness and self-hatred that too easily leads to violence later if not sooner. See post 337. Unsafe at Any Speed for more detail on this point. 

393. HardToGet — Reminders III

Dear Daughter: Some more reminders you may pass on to your daughters.

·        Whether rejecting a man or splitting up, do it gracefully. Graciousness makes you different, female, and respectable. It confirms your independence and strength of character. This generates curiosity about you and stimulates imagination in other men.

·        Let him imagine and play with the idea that no man gets you in bed for less than committed engagement or marriage.

·        Don’t disclose or explain your intentions. Just do what you have to do. Operate alone and make him join up with you. Your independence before he proposes is good, afterward is the time to yield it.

·        Don’t alibi. Don’t offer excuses for doing ‘your thing’. It weakens his picture of you.

·        Firm up your sensibility standards and expectations beforehand. When he expects you to do things that offend your sensibilities, state flatly that you won’t. The more female and modest your sensibilities, the better.

·        Never let yourself be talked into doing what you don’t want or is not in your best interest.

·        Avoid embarrassment at whatever the cost. Reprimand if he embarrasses you.

·        He pays for everything. Pre-engagement, Mickey D’s is better than you paying.

You can find ways to strengthen your feminine persona at posts 59 and 66.

392. HardToGet — Reminders II

Dear Daughter: A few more reminders you may pass on to your daughters.

·        You are your own female. You’re still looking for that frog to kiss, a suitable candidate for Mr. Right, someone devoted to a lifetime domestic arrangement. This attitude shouldn’t end until you accept his marriage proposal.

·        What he has to pull out of you, what he has to work for, becomes more meaningful to him.

·        Confess nothing. Your weaknesses, past sins, and especially sexual history are none of his business. You must find other things to talk about. Prepare ahead.

·        Don’t explain yourself, don’t complain about others.

·        Keep the small talk going. Rely on it. Respond but don’t initiate on bigger or more serious matters.

·        When bigger matters become sex talk, then bob, weave, and tie sex and marriage together.

·        Don’t show eagerness. It comes across as desperation and makes you an easy mark.

·        Expect him to show far more interest in you than you in him.

·        Never, never, never propose hook up, link up, shack up, knock up, or marry up. Unless he initiates, the value of whatever follows drops off.

You can strengthen your feminine persona by reviewing posts 59 and 66. More reminders will follow.

391. HardToGet — Reminders I

Dear Daughter: While raising you I taught many things about dealing with men. Here are a few reminders you may pass on to your daughters.

·        A woman makes progress when she makes a man win his way into her events, inner circle, life, and especially inner self. What she gives up easily will not be fully appreciated.

·        If he won’t overcome obstacles and frequently put forth special effort just to be with her, he’s not really into her.

·        Volunteer slowly and little about your person, desires, ambitions, drives, and especially what you think of men, him, and sex.

·        The sooner you act as if he’s hunk or hottie, the sooner he will depart after conquest.

·        The longer you take to show an interest in him, the more deliberate and slower he will work toward bed time the first time.

·        The more pre-conquest time you spend together, the more interested he becomes in you—unless he’s only after sex and dumps you.

·        Being dumped pre-conquest flatters your femininity, self-respect, and strength. You win. After conquest, he wins.

Embellish your feminine persona, it’s what men appreciate. (See posts 59 and 66 for strengths and weaknesses.) More reminders will follow.

381. Preventive Maintenance — Checklist III

Dear Daughter: God designed and Nature makes you the relationship expert. Male dominance inevitably injects itself where unwanted in a woman’s life. Consequently, your man won’t do well trying to meet your standards and satisfy your expectations.

Experts are responsible people, but they need authority to act. This requires that you avoid being overruled, because lessening your authority weakens your responsibility. You lack influence to do what you need to do.

You can evade his dominance with feminine charm. It’s Nature. This and other sex differences enable you to maintain compatibility and harmony without stooping to manipulation.

As relationship expert, you have three primary responsibilities for marital longevity: preserve the relationship, resolve disagreements, and avoid discouraging each other about each other.

Preserve: Learn more about the female and male natures. For example, if you take the blame, he listens better. The less he has to admit to being wrong or having to change, the easier for him to change and you to preserve the relationship.

Resolve: Don’t blame him. It’s counterproductive. The issue isn’t what’s wrong—especially with him. The issue ought to bring praise for what’s right and how to add to your blessings?

You start with praise for the smallest benefit and slightest progress. Talk about what you can do better. Ignore and let him identify what he does wrong or can do better. You’ll perceive it soaking in, whether he verbalizes it or not.

Avoid: Don’t earn his disrespect and avoid discouraging yourself about him through faultfinding.

He’ll never become Mr. Right, if you begin to think he’s Mr. Wrong. It’s not the big things such as love that hold you together. You drift apart and separate from the accumulation of small things that destroy likeability and respect.

You, Daughter, are the one with the nature, skill, and motivation to extend your relationship for life.

Details are provided at posts 296 and 311.

379. HardToGet Pays Off — Vague 3

     Dear Daughter: Post 82 introduces and 369 advances this ‘hardtoget’ series. This post reminds of what used to be.

Hardtoget is more attitude than rules. Too strict and literal interpretation doesn’t work well. Rather than using specifics, you should integrate the spirit with your personality. Be yourself. Focus on sincerity. Avoid phoniness at all costs.

The aim is to generate his interest in you, even if you have no interest in him. We’re talking about all pre-date encounters and the early dates, if they arise. Practice on every man.

Men respect hardtoget, whether encountering it actually or perceiving it innocently as friend or acquaintance. It makes men wonder, and this enlivens everyday life with you as the challenge. It may discourage men that are strictly after sex instead of you, but you should want that. 

Generate habitually each man’s interest: Keep the focus away from the intimate. Make sex so far out of your mind that he’s forced to focus on you to capture your attention. Make him figure out your non-sexual whole self in order to know you better. Sex should be virtually not discussable until his commitment is tested without sex.

Imagination energizes a man. Knowledge kills his curiosity. Without curiosity about you, a man has no reason to chase you—except for sex, and then only for the first time. Also, what men have to work for, they appreciate more. (See posts #359, 287, and 252 for details about stimulating masculine imagination.)

Consequently, his greater curiosity, less knowledge, and more imagination trigger deeper commitments totally focused on you as person and not sex object. This makes hardtoget both superior technique and strategy.