Her Highness Sarah at post 1332 described an acquaintance. “I know an empty-nester who is so frustrated with her weight, hair, and wardrobe that she lacks energy and motivation to get up and get dressed. It’s sad, and I do think she’s grieving the fact that she has aged. She doesn’t want to stop wearing young women’s clothes and haircuts, but she knows they aren’t working for her.”
The art of aging gracefully is the art of living a life of womanly importance. Re the unmotivated lady described above, her marital status is unknown but:
- To appeal to men, attempts to restore long gone youthfulness signify phoniness or desperation or both. Except for short-fling sex, both discourage the masculine nature. (Men don’t know how to rescue her, so her value is diminished.)
- To be more attractive as a single woman, she must fulfill her need for self-importance. She must first prove herself important to herself by making herself important to others. It appears the lady in the spotlight has abdicated her throne of marital attractiveness.
- To be more important as a wife, she needs to take action soon, or unintended consequences will sweep through her life. Not important to herself means she is probably reducing her worth to her husband. When that happens, his respect shrinks, belief in her promise for him weakens, and his love for her slides toward indifference. It all follows as her sense of self-importance deteriorates further.
- To escape her depression, she needs to turn this statement into reality: Action cures fear, regret, guilt, and depression, so just get started. (And what action, you ask? Anything that gets her up, prettified, and energized to go somewhere or do something. Anything that makes her mingle with others and minimize her self-centeredness overly enlarged by craving to restore her youth. If she’s already doing all those things, then do more. Women can live with guilt, but they must control things in their lives to avoid or escape depression.)
- To seem younger, she should restore youthfulness to her heart and let her appearance please the sense of her own prettiness. When she learns to make herself pretty to satisfy no one but herself, she will find it’s a suitable substitute for the youthfulness she craves. (A good way to start is ‘pretty time’ performed each day according to article 1440 and the other posts mentioned there.)
- To find a husband, she should provide what men her age seek in a wife. That is, attractive, pleasant, modest, likeable, uniquely feminine, more willing to listen than chatter, independent but looking to serve, and above all, enable him to see promise in her for brightening his life.
- To avoid Mr. Wrong let her consider this. When a man looks only for a woman much younger than he is, he also plans to make her into his idea of the perfect wife (and vice versa). She can expect little freedom for her own interests, because he’s looking for her to do nothing but satisfy him his way (and vice versa). It’s aka adolescent-mindedness.
- To show herself how gracefulness can beat youthfulness, let her adopt virtual virginity as the strategy for capturing a man and modesty, patience, likeability, and promise for holding him.
- To be attractive to man or husband, she should emphasize the promise that her prettiness will last a long time. Preserve what she has more than fruitlessly trying to restore what’s past. (Much of what women know about men is wrong. For example, women make too much of sex and youth as important to men. To men, conquering younger women hails their sexual prowess among fellow competitors, but the women don’t benefit much. Once a woman is conquered, however, the importance of sex and her youth fade along with romantic love that fades in a year or two. However, adolescent-minded husbands value a much younger wife primarily to continually show her off.)
- To appear youthful, she need only match her grooming and styling with her age, until she marries and her husband expects something different to crown his wise decision of choosing her from all the rest.
Aging gracefully comes easily to those that live and give, those that continually pump up their sense of self-importance, those that allow their feminine nature to guide them later in life.
What Women Never Hear 
Dear Sir Guy,
Wonderful! I am 52 never married and most encouraged by what you say. I look around 10 years younger than my actual age but I sometimes feel a pressure from men my own age when they make light- hearted references to the attractiveness and delights of beautiful young celebrities. It can feel like you are well past your ‘sell-by’ date. I love the way you emphasize virtual (or actual!) virgninity and modesty and mystery.
What are your thoughts about an older woman letting her hair go grey? I always feel that dyeing my hair gives me a more youthful appearance providing it is a flattering and natural looking shade.
Also, how does a woman know whether she is trying too hard to look young? The opposite extreme is when a woman gives up on trying to have any impact at all and looks tired and invisible I find as a woman in middle age that I can pendulum either way…either looking a little tired and dull or finding that my clothes are jeujeune and make me look a little like mutton dressed as lamb! I have to work hard to look slim, elegant, current but not desperately trendy and age appropriate but not prematurely aged!
Your Highness Katey-Anne,
My mental cogs disengaged yesterday and I regret the delay in responding.
A woman is trying too hard whenever she tries to shape her appearance to please anyone but herself. Each time she tries and gets negative feedback, she puts herself down another notch. Because she expects something to recognize her efforts, the absence of others taking notice of her efforts produces zero feedback. It too cuts her down a notch in self-respect.
Your last sentence says, “I have to work hard….” I suspect its because you try to appear slim and elegant etc. to impress others. You’ll find its not such hard work if you do it to please only yourself. I suggest you study and implement the daily process described in post 1440 and other articles mentioned therein.
Do that and you’ll know whether to dye or let the gray show. My thought about “letting her hair go grey” is this: At your age, hair isn’t nearly the disqualifier that other features can be, such as excess fat, dowdy clothes, loud boisterousness, feminist attitude, and lack of likeability. You’ll never be perfect, so make your hair fit your overall persona as you determine before the mirror each morning. First, please your feminine self, and the rest of the world will agree that it’s best for you.
Guy
Dear Sir Guy, I can truthfully say that this is a wonderful and inspirational response. I am touched by the care you take with your responses to our questions. I felt ‘good’ reading it. And yes..I have sometimes returned home from work disappointed that no-one noticed my weight loss or commented upon my elegant attire!! I need to do it for me. Bless you!
Katey-Ann
Great article. At 47, energy seems very important to me at well as clothes etc. I have found recently that long bike rides give me good energy because of the exercise of course but also because of the sunshine, I think.
As far as looking current goes, I’m pretty sure the type of man I personally would want to attract is too manly to be well aware of the latest clothing trends so I don’t worry about keeping up. What I do is wear skirts and dresses only. I haven’t worn slacks or pants except at the gym for 4 and a half months. I get a lot of admiring glances and smiles. It’s not what I’m after (marriage) but it’s a start.
Sir Guy:
This is a brilliant article. At 51 I feel fabulous and am told I look 15 years younger. I only wear skirts and dresses and my attitude is that the best is yet to come. Thanks for explaining your views regarding the male adolescent mindset. Your statement, “To find a husband, she should provide what men her age seek in a wife. That is, attractive, pleasant, modest, likeable, uniquely feminine, more willing to listen than chatter, independent but looking to serve, and above all, enable him to see promise in her for brightening his life” succintly captures what what should be the mindset of marriage-oriented women.
I appreciate your words of wisdom.
Lady Arabella Victoria
Sir Guy,
How much should age play a factor for Mr. Right? Many say as you reach the age range of your most fertile years (late teens to late twenties) woman have of the most potential suitors (including men old enough to be their father or grandfather, these days). So how old is too old. Should a young lady be eliminating by age outright? What’s the difference between a 20s year old man, 30s, 40s? Should a young lady (or any lady) have different expectations for each age group? How do men view woman older than themselves (I’m most interested in a year or two)?
Lady Kaikou
I feel my comment may have gotten lost in your daily replies.
Lady Kaikou
Your Highness Lady Kaikou,
You’re partially right. It got lost in the mental gymnastics of trying to figure out a suitable reply.
In modern America, age isn’t a good indicator of maturity, male words aren’t a reliable indicator of quality of character, manly treatment of females isn’t a good predictor of husbandly responsibility, female admiration of manliness doesn’t match what women seek most, and males are programmed that sex is due them with minimal commitment. It all means that you can’t or shouldn’t rely on what others say or do. Only you know the full depth and spread of your self-interest, your girlish hopes and dreams, and so only you can determine what’s unsuitable, okay, and more than suitable for you.
Therefore, I suggest that you consider age irrelevant. Instead, judge men on maturity. Spend time and effort studying how the men you know and encounter are likely to perform as a devoted husband. Test and learn to read men to determine whether their maturity matches your desires. Teach yourself how to check them for sincerity. Compare their words versus their actions. Learn to identify quality of character. Evaluate their ability to show you attention and affection when sex isn’t involved. Check how patient they are just to see that you’re satisfied/gratified/happy with their pleasing you. Then, figure what’s best for you. Remember this: The more and longer each man pleases you while being refused sex, then the more respectable and thus loveable you become. Also, the more habitual his actions to please you, then the more devoted he becomes to you.
Three articles with ‘Devotion’ in the title are listed in the CONTENTS page at blog top; they may also help.
Guy
Sir Guy, I want to post in gratitude for all you have written and for this post and others like it, in particular. I roll into a new decade today; it is one which leaves many women a shade grouchier, heavier, and more tired than the previous decade. However, between pretty time and injunctions that respect, dressing one’s age, and timeless “jewels” adorn females of ANY age in a way pleasing to men… I roll into this decade with my head held high and with great optimism for the next ten years! Thank you!!
AH! I approach 60……fast…a matter of days. I have found this blog in time! It is reaffirming and restoring things I learned growing up and reassuring me that I lived as a woman…feminine and loving it. I am glad I raised my daughter the same. I color my hair as something to do other than cutting it, I actually embrace my silvers. I loved this post and look forward to others in regards to ‘older’ ladies.
SIr Guy…again…Thanks!!
Sir Guy,
Does a man judge promise only by what he sees, that is a woman’s attractiveness and behavior? Or are inconsistencies in his actions may be effects of what he hears? Will he still assess promise in me even if i’m accepting dates from other guys?
Your Highness Lucy,
Welcome aboard. It’s a great day when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
The promise a man sees in you is based on your virtues, which are those qualities that he admires plus your habits and behaviors that can support his various missions in life. They add to your virtues and may be virtues in themselves—for example, a surprising efficiency in the kitchen.
Basically, your attractiveness gets his attention. If you focus on making yourself attractive to please yourself as a matter of habit, it’s a quality easily admired, i.e., another virtue.
As to dating other guys, if he wants you bad enough, he will try harder. If not, it will irate him. You should be able to tell the difference by the techniques he uses to discourage you. If he respects your decisions, he’s a good guy for you. If he doesn’t, put him back in the parade as you need his strong respect for him to ever love you.
Guy
Sir Guy,
I’m glad I stumbled on this post because I’ve been wondering about this. I have the impression that nothing will do for men but to marry younger women – early to mid 20s. Past 25 and they consider her not worth marrying because she would have been promiscuous full stop; if she isn’t, something else is wrong with her. It’s not just self-professed players; even men who claim to be happily married and seem less hostile to women take this position, and quite implacably, it seems. Could you shine a light on their thought processes?
Your Highness Peach Blossoms,
Men are natural competitors within themselves and against other men. But they reject competing with women. When pushed into it, they tend to find an honorable or less than honorable excuse to get out or somehow keep from losing. They also fear insignificance. Losing to a woman costs them deeply in masculine significance.
So, when you hear their implacable claims about their sexual proclivities, they respond to competing with a woman or women. They have to win, so they claim what women can’t disprove.
Competition to men means to produce idealized results that enhance their sense of self-admiration. Plus, they hope for these secondary benefits: 1) Results also produce a take-away effect among competitors. 2) Results also earn the admiration of others, especially women.
Those natural competitive objectives tend to idealize results and enhance self-admiration whether seeking a conquest, booty, or wife. Younger women rate better than older ones. Her promiscuity doesn’t matter until he knows of it. He’s willing to believe his imagination before but not after conquest. The closer to virginity as a single, the greater her appeal.
Incidentally, you say, “…even men who claim to be happily married and seem less hostile to women take this position, and quite implacably…” That isn’t natural to men. They don’t talk that way unless provoked to make their women look bad with comparisons and thus win whatever the competition that in all likelihood was started by a woman’s comment.
Guy