- Unmarried couples ‘spilling their guts’ to one another. It doesn’t generate lasting relationships. They can achieve short-term commitment but not long future together. She can forgive his past, but he can’t forget hers.
- Men see mystery as deserving respect. Feminine mystique was developed long ago to earn it. Contrary to modern thinking, the easier she becomes to ‘read,’ the less men respect her.
- The spectrum of female attractiveness runs between these two extremes: One is pretty, modestly dressed, well groomed, and apparently HardToGet by males viewing her. The other is a wife that lets her prettiness drag, her neatness wrinkle, her grooming crumble, and thus makes husband appear EasyToGet by women viewing him.
- Nature and hormones shape this unequal but fair tradeoff. She as relationship expert is responsible for success in the process of living together. He assumes responsibility as head of the house by virtue of providing and protecting. However, if she provides and protects, he is demoted. His significance wanes. Also, he lacks relationship management skills to replace her to build success living together. Reversing their natural roles thus leads to relationship angst, instability, and the man’s desire for something else.
1108. Think the Best, Don’t Doubt the Rest — #07
Filed under Dear daughter
What Women Never Hear 
Most women work so what should these women do? Stop working so that husband can feel more important? What if the couple can’t afford that? Make sure that she earns less than he does? Only marry up?
Your Beautifulness KKC,
What problem? Violet cited a solution she and hubby worked out.
Your comments here and elsewhere remind me of this sex difference: When men sour on marriage, they turn against marriage. When women sour on marriage, they turn against men.
Guy
When I bring in money I give it to my husband to manage. It may be my skills adding to the income but is his skills that make sure that we manage the money well and actually have a future.
Violet – Unless he thinks that you are incapable of managing money then surely he realizes that you are still providing for the family. Does that really solve the problem?
It works because my attitude is that he is the boss and I am the employee. It is like if you own a store and your employees do all the actual labor but they report the profits to you to manage.
What problem? The problem that mentioned in your post. I don’t see how letting your husband manage the money that you earn makes him the provider. According to your post,” if she provides and protects, he is demoted. His significance wanes.” Well I don’t see how letting your husband handle the money addresses that. He is still not the provider. I was hoping that you would answer my questions so that I could understand the practical application of that part of your post.
I’m not sure what it is about my comments makes you think of this”When men sour on marriage, they turn against marriage. When women sour on marriage, they turn against men.” Perhaps you could explain?
I’m not sure if marriage is for me or not , but I’m not “sour” on either men or marriage.
Your Uniqueness KKC,
We’re on different wavelengths, but I’ll go to specifics. No mention was made in my post about wife letting husband handle the money. Violet cited her solution about the subject, and you called it the problem.
My theme focuses on their respective natures. The relationship expert, wife, is responsible for success in process of living together. Husbands lack that skill. When his significance wanes by her providing, he is demoted in status, stature, and self-respect.
Having nothing to do with marriage, love, religion, or other emotional issues, the final point is that the male nature seeks to change whatever situation threatens his sense of significance. Her providing does exactly that, but it doesn’t mean they can’t or haven’t worked out a solution.
You say: “I was hoping that you would answer my questions so that I could understand the practical application of that part of your post.” The practical application is this: Wife and husband work out some agreement, just as with everything else. Or they enter with an attitude or preconceived notions of what should be, and their natures clash long before their self-interests can be morphed into family-interests.
As to souring on men or marriage, your comments reflect an attitude against both. You needn’t pay much attention, because it’s only one man’s viewpoint. If no one else confirms what I say, then disregard me. It’s your option. What do I know?
Guy