You modern gals need a plan to take better charge of your own lives. You need a game plan. I’m just the guy to lay it out, but you have to implement the details to the satisfaction of those who pursue you.
Objective: Keep a man pursuing you long enough for him to at least propose or break off, hopefully the former if he’s proven himself worthy of you.
Strategy: A man wants to marry a virtuous woman, and each finds virtue in the qualities he admires in one woman. The more unique qualities you display, the harder a guy seeks to get you in bed, because the accumulation of your virtues make you more worthy and unique in his eyes.
Mission: Be attractively different from all the other gals, but more traditional, mysterious, and modest than modern. (A gal’s strongest suits for keeping a man under control are her modesty, mystery, and vanity.)
If other gals hang with or act like guys, don’t. If they pursue guys, don’t. If they kiss on first date, don’t. If they crave marriage, don’t. If they go for making out, don’t. If they talk up sex, don’t. If they go out with guys without a date, don’t. If other gals are so fearful of losing what they have, don’t be like that. There are many other behaviors in the social marketplace that the smart gal drops from her habits to make herself stand out. The more unique but not radical, the better.
The way to a modern man’s heart is not through his stomach; it’s through his ego. So, focus there.
Listen better than you ever have before. Keep silent, pay attention! No full disclosure; in fact, no disclosure about yourself. Make him earn everything he finds out about you. Volunteer nothing. He has to pursue you to find out about you. Otherwise, why should he waste time with your disclosing yourself?
Men believe what they figure out, and not what they are told. So, if he isn’t figuring you out, he won’t stay long. He should never know exactly who and what you are until he’s been married to you for a dozen or so years. Mystery makes female worthiness soar.
Encourage his descriptions of who he is; what he does in mind, body, and spirit; how he’s out to conquer his world; and what he can provide to you if you’ll just join him in bed. If you’ve done your other techniques properly, he will keep the part about the bed in background, hints maybe. If he gets obvious about bedtime, you bring up marriage. Make it a habit; he wants to talk about sex, you change the subject gently but firmly. Repeat it enough and he’ll soon learn that the subject makes you uncomfortable.
A man learns to respect the gal who listens to him, and his respect is essential for his love to develop. The longer she refuses deep passion and keeps her legs crossed, the more his respect grows. Of course, everyone recognizes her biggest problem is to keep him in pursuit while being denied sex with her.
She has only one alternative. She abstains for reasons that register above herself in this life. She’s lives up to somebody or thing far above her but which hardens her belief system: parents, God, Bible, moral imperative. Even expectant husband, but she should never declare that; it kills hope in the pursuer. (The blog series Virtual Virginity covers at length how to strengthen one’s belief system to promote abstinence until marriage.)
As much, as often, and as clearly as practicable, teach him to please you. Repetitive pleasing of you becomes habit with him, and becomes devotion when he learns that pleasing you pleases him even more.
You will run into the guy who is only after sex, and it will be clear in his approach. First, he’s not after you but sex with you. Second, dismiss him quickly. If you’re no more valuable than your sexual assets, how will you ever escape being a sex object?
I propose dating and courtship should follow the plan above.
What Women Never Hear 
Sir Guy,
I have a request somewhat unrelated to this post but I wasn’t sure where to post. I’m curious of your thoughts regarding significant age differences (10-20 years) when seeking a mate after widowhood/ divorce closer to midlife. Pros/cons, pitfalls, dynamics between the couple, etc.
Your Highness Amazing Gracee,
“Pros/cons, pitfalls, dynamics between the couple, etc.” Those things are outside the purview of this blog. I work with how the sexes are born rather than how modern people behave.
OTOH, these thoughts come to mind.
1) A decade difference in age is humongous when their values, standards, and expectations are considered. They are from different generations, and that can work strongly against success as they live together. In modern times, a new generation of values, standards, and expectations arises about every 7 or so years.
2) IMHO, success can depend mostly on how devoted he is to her personally for just being the right person for him to be around. She’s so likeable to him that he wants no one else even nearby. And not devoted to her because she makes him look good to others or feel good because of how she smooths out his rough edges. IOW, he feels good in her presence and pleases himself for just pleasing her and with sex outside the picture.
3) It may help if she’s the older of the two, but she still needs 1) and 2) above for them to most likely find long-term success.
Guy
Wisdom that works all the time and keeps life exciting. Gratitude for self and feminine uniqueness.
Sir Guy
This is very helpful…but, 10 YEARS?
In practical terms, how do we remain mysterious when married?
I have this problem: I’ve always thought that in a relationship we are meant to share ourselves with another person.
Also, regarding: “everyone recognizes her biggest problem is to keep him in pursuit while being denied sex with her.”
On one hand we are not supposed to disclose we are waiting to have sex till marriage because it kills his hope, on the other we are meant to mention marriage whenever he talks about sex.
May I ask you to clarify this?
Thank you.
Your Highness Femme,
Modesty and vanity can add mystery. Think tidbits. Keeping one’s opinions—political, news, community interests, gossip—to oneself until solicited by mate can add more. Not being female-eager to be totally understood can add some. Share all you want, but just keep some things private. Modesty is key, such as don’t strip to please his eyes, make him do it. Let him find his way. Your mystery comes from his having to figure you out in play time as well as other times.
“On one hand we are not supposed to disclose we are waiting to have sex till marriage because it kills his hope, on the other we are meant to mention marriage whenever he talks about sex.”
Explain it better? I can’t. What’s not clear? Before marriage she competes with him and he expects it. So, if he wants something, offer something else for him to think about. Don’t just roll over, don’t be a pushover and let him control the dialogue.
Guy
Sir Guy,
I’m glad I asked.
I have been conditioned through years in therapy to communicate clearly and in a non ambiguous way. So when my teenage son started rolling his eyes and reacting to me and his sister with “women!” with a shrug of his shoulders and a sigh, I very often became defensive and tried explaining etc. I thought not understanding where his mother was coming from would damage him for life.
But in view if what you said above maybe it’s not such a bad thing.
Thank you.
Mr. Guy,
I’m on the right track with my new suitor, but I think I made a mistake during one of our texting sessions by telling him I’m thinking of moving out of state by the end of this year. He sent me a really long text message in reply that made me feel uneasy. I don’t feel like his response disqualifies him from the Mr. Good Enough position, i’m just not sure how to respond? Based on this post you gave, my mission is to appeal to his ego, so start there? Here’s the exact text he sent, please advise me!
“I just wonder if you will ever let me all the way in because I’m willing to let you all the way in or am I just fun and entertaining for now? After this conversation I don’t know if you’re as serious about getting to know me as I am about getting to know you I’m all in with you but I wonder if you’re all in with me I don’t want to get to know another woman I like you a lot but do you like me even half as much as I like you is the big question”
Your Highness Lioness,
By telling him of your plans that seems to keep him in your life. His response does not match your actions, so I suspect another agenda. Just keep playing the game until he uncovers more of his thoughts and motivations. You’ll know what to do then.
Guy
“You need a game plan. I’m just the guy to lay it out…” – Sir Guy
Agreed. 🙂
My dear Sir Guy,
How and in what ways would it be possible to “teach” a man to please a lady? I would love to know. Please help
Your Highness Marianne,
Ask for help, appear helpless, appear stumped for an answer, show more dependence, don’t upstage his independence. Find simple and indirect ways to reward him.
Guy
Ooohhh I like this. Thank you!
Hope your day is wonderful most handsome Sir Guy!
Do men think a non virgin girl doing virtual virginity is ridiculous and not as a worthy price since it’s not a real one ? Will their respect be the same ?
Another question, how come a lot of men don’t care about virginity and just dump the virgin girl the next day ? It’s seems really common these days.
What do they think about this girl for giving her virginity easily ? They despise her, they mock her or they pity her… : what is the feeling they have about her in their head ?
Your Highness Laurie,
Welcome aboard. I love it when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
“Do men think a non virgin girl doing virtual virginity is ridiculous and not as a worthy price since it’s not a real one ? Will their respect be the same ?” MEN CALL IT RIDICULOUS TO BREAK HER SPIRIT OF REFUSAL. OF COURSE IT STARTS THAT WAY WITH BOYS AND MEN; THEY’VE BEEN RAISED TO THINK THAT WAY. BUT THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE. AS YOU WILL SEE BELOW, VIRGINITY IS NOT THE PRIZE; IT’S BEING FIRST AMONG THE COMPETITIVE BROTHERHOOD.
AS TO VIRTUAL VIRGINITY, MEN RESPECT FEMALES WHO REFUSE TO PART WITH THEIR SEXUAL ASSETS UNLESS A MAN PAYS AN EXORBITANT PRICE FOR THEIR FIRST SEX TOGETHER. IF HE CAN’T CONQUER HER OVER EXTENDED TIME—VIRGIN OR NOT—THEN ALL THOSE OTHER SOBs ALSO MISSED OUT, WHICH ADDS TO HER VIRTUE, INFLATES HIS EGO, AND EARNS RESPECT FOR HER.
VIRTUAL VIRGINITY IS JUST A STRATEGY FOR WOMEN TO OVERCOME PAST MISTAKES. SHE KEEPS HER LEGS CROSSED BY LIVING UP TO SOMETHING OR SOMEBODY HIGHER THAN SHE.
Another question, how come a lot of men don’t care about virginity and just dump the virgin girl the next day ? It’s seems really common these days. AS POINTED OUT ABOVE, VIRGINITY IS NOT THE PRIZE. DOMINATING A FEMALE INTO CONQUEST BEFORE OTHER CAN DO IT IS THE PRIZE, BRAGGING RIGHTS.
What do they think about this girl for giving her virginity easily ? They despise her, they mock her or they pity her… : what is the feeling they have about her in their head ? SHE EARNED NO RESPECT BY USING HER SELF-RESPECT TO DEFEND HERSELF AND SHOW GUYS THAT SHE’S A PERSON TO BE RECKONED WITH AND GRAND PROTECTOR OF HER SEXUAL ASSETS, WHICH ARE HER MOST PRIZED POSSESSIONS, IF YOU JUST CALCULATE HER WORTH BY HOW MANY GUYS WANT ONE-TIME SEX WITH HER BUT CAN’T GET HER.
Guy
“VIRGINITY IS NOT THE PRIZE; IT’S BEING FIRST AMONG THE COMPETITIVE BROTHERHOOD.”
I am sorry if I bother you but I have a hard time understanding this part : if she is not virgin he knows he is not the first so I don’t really understand how he can be the first among the competitive brotherhood?
Your Highness Laurie,
If a guy really likes a gal, he can overlook her not being virgin if he never fears of running into some guy who had her. So, the closer to virginity, the better his odds. Married previously narrows it to one known guy; can he accept going face to face with guy? It’s okay cause other guys handle it. However, will she compare him to ex’s performance? The last is the real fear.
Guy
Hi Laurie,
Sir Guy always says that virginity is only symbolic. Purity is good for men, but the most important thing is that no man or very few men have had the woman in order for him to show interest. A man loses face and his ego– which is sacrosanct as per Sir Guy– takes a hit in knowing that his woman has been around. Men tend not to attach to women who have had many lovers.
On the other hand, if he comes to the conclusion that she, although no virgin hasn’t been around, then he can live with that. (BUT don’t ever do a woman-style confessional! It’s the kiss of death! Don’t tell any man, ever about your sexual history. If he pushes you be willing to walk away from him before you talk).If she refused his studliness then that means that she’s refused most other men.
**Very important: he has to come to this conclusion all by himself. A woman can’t convince a man of it (and should not, either. That would put her on the role of the seller). He trusts what he concludes based on her behavior more than anything else. Virtual virginity is powerful.
Your Highness Magnolia,
Well done! The last paragraph is very brief and clear.
Guy
“Purity is good for men, but the most important thing is that no man or very few men have had the woman in order for him to show interest”
thank you magnolia I now understand the logic behind it but still it’s stuck in my mind that even just one man before him it doesn’t give him the impression of being first and even if you don’t tell him about the past he will know since you’re not virgin ?
Your Highness Laurie,
New guy doesn’t know about former lover unless she tells him. Let him figure out what he faces with her. That’s what he will believe and act accordingly. As I understand it, hymens break through exercise earlier in life.
Guy
Dear Lori
The way I understand it is this:
A woman doesn’t have to be a “real” virgin (i.e. she could have had sex before) but IF she has abstained for a while then it makes her a virtual one.
A guy knows she hasn’t been sleeping around when she resists HIM despite his efforts – he draws a conclusion that if he isn’t succeeding (as studly as he is) then no other guy has succeeded either – at least for a while. That makes him want to be first.
So as Sir Guy says, it’s not really about the woman per se but about the amount of men she’s known intimately.
Hope this helps.
Your Highness Femme,
Well done, you’re right. Move to the head of the class.
Guy
Thank you Sir.
The credit goes to the teacher.
how to deal in a society where no man marries a non virgin and you can’t leave the country, how to make him want to respect you and marry you when you are not virgin but repented from it and are now a “good” woman ? thank you for your posts it’s deeply appreciated 🙂
Your Highness Aicha,
Welcome aboard. I love it when another pretty woman joins us on this cruise to WhatWomenNeverHear.
Guy
Dear Sir Guy,
There is a certain tendency for girls to enjoy disclosing themselves to one another – bonding through heart to heart talks.
But I find that ultimately my most trusted confidante is my mother. I do sometimes wish for a close knit group of girl friends with whom I can share everything, but I feel like
1) this image is probably influenced by the media & its portrayals of how women should have such friends (if you don’t, you’re a loner)
2) this hinders us from being mysterious. Apart from the fact that most girls do not share like traditional values, amongst those that do we cannot be extremely sure those we tell will keep their lips shut. I have seen far too many instances of secrets passed around under the banner of “shhh, don’t tell” among my peers, even in church.
3) the ones I do genuinely trust are physically far away from me now & busy with their own lives.
Any advice on this? Thanks very much Sir Guy!
Your Highness Joey,
You’re a wise lady. 1) and 2) are true. 3) Someone else will
come along.
You’ve got your mom and most daughters can’t beat that. Be grateful.
Guy
I feel this way too…except my mom also lives far away. Most of my close friends live far away now and I have found it hard to make close friends since I am married with kids etc and everyone is so busy.
I am social and have hundreds of aquaintances…but no close friends. I had one close friend in my neighborhood but she betrayed me since she was jealous of me. It was very hurtful and I still am not over it (I see her in my neighborhood daily).
I have been praying for a friend who i can talk to about my values and aspirations.
Your Highness Anonymous Wife,
Action cures just about everything, fear, loneliness, ingratitude….
I suggest you start expressing your gratefulness for the women in your life, new and old. You may have to work hard to isolate factors for which you are grageful, but try it. Let the exchange accumulate into more self-gratitude. You may find what you’re looking for.
Guy
Dear Anonymous Wife,
I feel your pain. When reading your reply, this quote I read in a book came to mind, “You too? I thought I was the only one!”
But let’s continue to press on, not submit to gloom & smile because life is worth the living ((:
🙂
Yes, I didnt express it but I am grateful. I have a good friend who moved across the globe but with whom I can talk freely and deeply. I am very grateful for her and for my friends here even though the relationships are superficial, they make my day pleasant.
I am still quite hurt on a daily basis from the friend who betrayed me and found myself getting so angry that I needed a solution.
So now everytime the anger rises I imagine God’s Good Spirit inside me and tell myself “I am sweet, I am good” in order to connect with that instead of the anger. It isnt a perfect solution but it helps.
Your Highness Anonymous,
Your wisdom grows in leaps and bounds. Congratulations.
Guy
such words of wisdom!
surferkayjun
“The more unique qualities you display, the harder a guy seeks to get you in bed, because the accumulation of your virtues make you more worthy and unique in his eyes.”
Mr. Guy, what are/should be these “unique qualities and virtues” I should have? And how do I develop them? And how do I display them without being cocky or obvious about it?
Your Highness Miss Green,
First, you should be cocky and obvious about your strengths and qualities that can earn a man’s admiration.
Second, my primary response to you is today’s article, 2854 Men Marry a Virtuous Woman.
Have a good time.
Guy