Motto: PRiM is very proper, ‘cause he doesn’t drop her.
11. Don’t purposely change your personality for the sake of trying to please your man. Don’t try to change the relationship in a major way. Let the little events and interactions in life, such as described in this series, enable you to harmonize your personality with his and vice versa. Preventive maintenance and not management is the objective.
12. You are not his parent so be sure he doesn’t view you as acting like it. Neither nurturing nor mothering a good husband make.
13. Trust your man and make sure he knows it. Trust as in produce, protect, provide, and problem solve. Frequently confirm your dependence on his accomplishments, achievements, and especially recoveries. Silence about sexual cheating implies trust. The path to his fidelity follows this thinking. He convinces himself that your general trust reflects deep respect and gratitude in all that he does, and he doesn’t want to lose that. IOW, he enjoys living up to you as the more all-together person, although he can never admit it in those terms.
14. Don’t disturb your man when he’s intensely focused on doing something. Interruptions disturb his self-admiration, which motivates him in the first place, and may slow achievement of self-satisfaction, which motivates him to finish the current task. IOW, interruptions disturb the two major motivational forces that drive him to do everything that he does or feels responsible for. Subliminally, disturbances and interruptions insinuate that you don’t think much of him as a man, at least not one valuable enough to let him finish what he set out to do. Subliminally again, you think you know better. (Near-emergencies exempted of course.)
15. Try to get this agreement before you marry. Together you will pray and read the bible daily. Set some goals. You may have to coach him gently to get him started. But after days and days of success (practice), he may surprise you.
16. He deserves you and what you bring to the table that makes life so enjoyable for both, and not the other way around. If you act like you deserve whatever he does on your behalf or to please you, then you undo another bolt that holds closed his door to the outside of your relationship.
17. As soon as possible take the focus off every little problem that arises. Resolve at whatever the cost to you and shift the subject before bitterness can emerge. Focus on what makes you more likeable to him and him more likeable to you. Your efforts that enable him to recover make your likeability sparkle, which diverts attention and takes the heat away from disagreement.
18. Don’t complain to anyone about his habits, frailties, or mistakes. If you need help, ask others for it without knocking him in the process. When you complain about him, it programs your heart against and weakens your own interest in him. Such changes in you are detectable by him, which tends to make you less likeable. Even worse, your girlfriends could spread what you say and his reputation gets to him and back to you.
19. Don’t compare him to other men, because he will lose and feel defeated or win and stop improving himself. Compare him to himself and how far he has come. [from Anita at 2298]
20. Feminine superiority lies within this thought: She doesn’t have to outfight him. She can outsmart him—as long as he’s unaware. She can out maneuver him—as long as he’s willing to pay her price. Her nature puts her in charge so long as she stays in feminine character and permits him the same in masculine character. Success requires her patience and liking of him, plus his liking of her patience, understanding, forgiveness, and hopefully—but not likely—forgetfulness.