2628. Stop Complaining

Wives take their frustrations and weaknesses out on husbands by complaining. It’s not a good practice, because husbands presume they dissatisfy their wives, and satisfaction is to men what love is to women. Complaints make him think he is not returning her love.

Modern women lack appreciation for the lives they live. They moan and groan about everything but their own appearances, dispositions and outlooks, which are the roots of dissatisfaction. Complaints self-excuse them from taking action to modify their appearance and improve their future. Also, women little realize that complaints/excuses weaken their self-confidence as it tars over and hides their feminine character, demoralizes their expertise of dealing with men, and thus generates additional complaints about self and husband.

They look for improvement in jobs and betterment in careers, and it works for awhile. But by their forties, they tend to match one lady who claimed she feels like “an unfulfilled old cow.” As told to me, “She is permanently depressed and has always overeaten.” It’s only an anecdote but illustrative.

I’m sure many women are satisfied with themselves and their jobs, careers, and even husbands. But even they have picked up many bad habits of complaining.

It’s endemic and men run from it. Why? Because her complaints—whether intended or not—point the guilt finger at husband, and men don’t accept guilt from someone else. Husband tires of it quickly and flees toward some woman not yet inflicted with complaints about him and excuses for her.

And each woman claims, I have no burden to satisfy men or a man. Of course she is right, if she has no interest in finding, capturing, and keeping a good man for herself. But that is seldom fact.

Wives can much more easily satisfy husbands, if they just drop endless complaining. Accept responsibility to fix all problems herself, and twiddle his nose slightly out of joint with a tactic I have developed. It only requires the feminine charm, patience, and dedication to her marriage that she already possesses. IOW, it’s far less work and worry for her.

Complaints generate more ill-will than resolve the causes. To encourage yourself to stop complaining, change your thoughts to this. After a short while of no complaints, adopt the new tactic below. It gets husband to thinking more of what he does and doesn’t do than you can ever complain about. IOW, he inherits new responsibility for identifying what works in the home and family more than whatever complaints/guilt you throw at him.

1. Make this your worst, most negative comment, and your marriage will take on a new complexion. In a quiet moment, “Honey, your husbanding (or fathering the kids) has started to decline. You might want to think about it.”
2. Then change the subject and refuse to explain or comment. If he pushes too hard, respond with: “You are the husband (or father) and so you know what to do, which may include nothing. It’s up to you. I am (or the kids are) just along for the ride you provide. I’ll do the work, but good leaders satisfy their followers.”

Of course, he doesn’t know what causes his methods of husbanding to decline. If he takes her comment to heart, he will figure out many more possibilities than she ever expected. His behavior may change about many things she did not expect, and some will be improvements. Allowing time to earn credit for his trying to do better, she’s wise to adopt the new tactic instead of returning to the wifely complaint syndrome.

From what a man figures out needs fixing, he remembers to do it much better than from being reminded of his shortcomings.