2614. Why Love is Never Enough — Rule 4: Remain the Woman He Married

REMINDER: This blog specializes in describing how men and women are born differently. In living real life, both sexes learn to motivate themselves in ways that differ from how they are born. Example: Women learn that respect means more than affection to a man. Men learn to show affection to females of importance to them.

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Women think of the future and how they can change and shape it. Men think of the present and how they can shape it to remain that way. Carry that into marriage, and you can see how important wife’s appearance and appeal are to husbands.

Hunters tend to chase what they see, they rely on their eyes. Prey tend to rely on their ears. The smart husband whispers his affection into wife’s ears; it holds her devotion. Neither her whispers nor affection please the hunter’s eyes. So, what’s a wife to do? The smart wife keeps husband hunting her in the home instead of encouraging his eyes to wander outside. So, how does she do that?

Husbands tend to expect their wife to be the same today, tomorrow, and forever. Wives expect their husband to be kind, courteous, loyal, thrifty, brave, reverent, and loving. To “be the same” includes appearance and appeal to husbands, but not to wives.

A prime mover in your man’s decision to marry you is the attractive person he views each time he sees you, even in his mind’s eye if you’re absent. When his mind is on you, he doesn’t tire of appreciating your appeal, and he marries expecting you to always be that way. Not that he adds it to you as a burden, he doesn’t usually think that far in the future. He deals with the future this way: I can do whatever it takes to handle it. Many men, however, discover that they can’t handle your appearance as you lose feminine appeal by favoring fashion, social justice, sexual freedom, comfort, convenience, and perhaps even disregard for his feelings.

He changes with aging, and adjusts his thinking to expect you to do the same, but other changes can disappoint him. The average man doesn’t see excess weight gain, sloppy attire, or careless grooming as natural aging. Beautifying yourself at every age makes him look good and earns respect of his competitors, and they will be playing a major part in his life long after he marries you.

Because husband’s appearance changes from weight gain and sloppy appearance, it does not justify you doing the same. You may think so, but it’s hurtful to your relationship. His appearance is less important to you than yours to him. At least it starts that way in your respective natures as you are born to be different.

Your attractive appearance is an inborn motivator of his pursuit, an offshoot of his instinctive urge to spread his seed. Remaining critical to his lifelong thinking, your appeal lasts for life. Or, he looks elsewhere for that which appeals to him in the present. It’s more his nature than you, except as your current appearance and consequent appeal disappoint him.

Women don’t marry for a man’s attractiveness; she has far too many other things to screen for and consider. She lacks the instinctive urge to spread herself among many men and so she’s selective, even picky about other matters such as love, and masculine attractiveness is more accidental than requirement.

She expects to change him anyway, so his appearance is not nearly as critical as other matters certain to hold her attention.

If husband wants someone who looks different from how she appears and appeals at marriage, he marries someone else. When she looks unappealing a few years after the altar, other women look better relative to her now ‘different look’.

Many men love their wives very much. Over wonderful times together, they learn to adjust and accommodate wifely appearance and declining appeal. With separations and divorces so common, however, nobody wants to blame the wife’s appearance and appeal as a contributor.

To this old goat, it’s another reason women are so quick to blame men for whatever happens between them. They can dodge the issue of how the wife’s appearance deteriorated and her appeal dissolved in husband’s eyes. The political principle of sexual freedom promises her the right to be independent of masculine thought about how she should conduct herself. IOW, it’s a matter kept outside the marital arena according to women, but a matter of significance to husbands.

I have hurt the feelings of a lot of readers who don’t look like the woman their husbands married. I regret it, but it needs to be said on behalf of better understanding the masculine nature and women learning how to sustain the lifelong marriages about which they dream as girls.