Newbies, Passers-by, Tweeters, and Facebookers

Men and women are vastly different creatures. Hundreds of ways are described here. You’ll find that compatibility depends more on matching differences than finding likenesses. A new article is posted daily.

You can follow new posts on Twitter: https://twitter.com/A_Guy_Maligned

You can also friend me to receive notifications of new posts on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/A.Guy.Maligned

Please understand that I  CANNOT engage in dialogue on either Twitter or Facebook because of time constraints.  I will dialogue as usual within the comments sections of WWNH blog.

I appreciate and hope you enjoy your visit and viewing.

Guy

Ladies, it’s finally here.

As some of you know, the seeds and trunks and branches of this blog were actually rooted in many manuscripts of a book I never published.  Well, many of you suggested and the Lord has provided the opportunity to publish, in book form, what has been my life’s work since my retirement over 15 years ago.  With the help of a great Christian publishing imprint that is Xulon Press, my book is now available online and soon in bookstores near you.

My book is titled, “Where Did All The Good Men Go?” and it is published under my real name, Bill Clark Dean. My pen name on this blog of A. Guy Maligned served to keep a measure of anonymity for me over the years, but I decided to use my real name for the book.

Having published over 1,600 daily posts on this blog, it has become somewhat of a tome of resources on how to find and nurture and sustain healthy interpersonal relationships.  But this book, while in many ways similar, provides followers of WWNH with a clear, concise roadmap that is easily portable and helpful to you and yours.

I recommend the book for adult women who want to finally find and keep a good man. If you have been blessed to have already found yours, then perhaps you know somebody who is still searching or having difficulty keeping a man. I believe it makes a fine gift for family and friends.

My strong desire is that if you choose to purchase it, whether for yourself or others, you do so from my publisher at:

http://www.xulonpress.com/bookstore/bookdetail.php?PB_ISBN=9781619968349&HC_ISBN=

I have no desire to profit from this work, as Grace and I have been blessed beyond measure in both health and wealth.  We believe we have been called to contribute to our Lord’s ministry via blog and now, in print.  We have committed proceeds from this endeavor to our ministry that helps spread His Word in ways that He guides us.

There will be other mainstream outlets such as Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com that will carry both the paperback and e-reader versions.  Please feel free to purchase from them, but our preference is that you purchase this work from our publisher, Xulon Press, whenever possible. It helps us better advance our efforts for Him and all his beloved children.

With hope and love,

A. Guy Maligned a.k.a. Bill Clark Dean and Grace DeRue Dean

1638. Chaste Courtship: How to Extend It

Her Highness Sbaby at post 1637 inquired with this. “If a man proposes pretty early into the relationship, or at a point where the woman still wants to stay in courtship mode for a longer time (as long as she thinks is necessary), what kind of response from her would be appropriate?”

Avoid promising him a brighter future because of what else or more you will do. He needs to conclude that from future developments. So, start by trusting that he will continue as always. In the meantime:

• Harmonize your relationship so that he sees greater promise in you as meaningful for his future. Don’t push but gently develop new or refine old habits that he enjoys with you. Take dancing lessons together? Find new ways to generate fun? Ask him to get your car serviced/repaired? More churchgoing?
• Give him more opportunities to see you run the domestic scene (dates at home) with his help but aimed at providing his comfort. The way to a man’s heart has always been through the stomach. If his career aims high and requires home entertainment, then display elegance that holds promise for his future. If not required for his future, satisfy him more with what he likes than trying to tempt him with your favorite dishes.
• Reward him for chores performed but gift him only for special days such as his birthday and Christmas. (Men don’t appreciate unearned gifts.)
• Gently move the relationship away from the secular and toward religion or higher morality. For example, Halloween is only for goblins and children. Living up to a Supreme Being makes one a better person both to themselves and to live with.
• You dressed up to the nines promotes his significance in public. Don’t give away all your secrets too early. Save some for later.
• If he starts to drift away, don’t make a scene. Pull yourself away even faster than he drifts. Withdraw yourself, be patient, and return to ‘mystery mode’. Don’t complain, don’t explain. If you talk him into ‘coming back’, any devotion he may have had will start to crumble and his return will be temporary. Whatever you talk him into will be temporary. As it is from first meeting, he must conclude on his own that he wants you. You have to convince him ‘above all others’, and that won’t happen if you plead, cry, or otherwise reveal desperation.
• Finally, and most importantly, keep your self-respect intact. If he pressures you too much, walk away or otherwise take control of the situation. Your self-respect is far more important for the long range of your relationship than is your giving in to his self-gratifying wishes. (There’s more to that point than just sex too.)

Extending the courtship will challenge your man to rattle the cage and get more of what he wants when he wants it. The bullets above may provide guidance, so keep them as such. You need to play your cards as you determine its best for keeping him attached/committed/devoted. You’re on your own because only you can do it.

1637. He’ll Never Marry Again! Really?

At post 1635 Lady Arabella Victoria said she dated “two divorced gentlemen who have stated they were never getting married again.” It gives me an opportunity to describe men in greater detail.

Dating men who claim they will never marry again is one thing; men have been known to misrepresent themselves when trying to conquer a woman. If women disregard such claims, extensive dating without providing sex causes men to man-up. Eventually, if she doesn’t yield sex, one will find enough promise in her to yield his freedom. Hopefully, he will have proven himself worthy of her.

Dating a few men more extensively provides modern women better marital opportunities than dating many men hoping to strike gold in the next one. Men are what wise women make them. Women make the difference by uncovering what really lies behind a man’s apparent sourness toward marriage—or is it bitterness toward his ex?

If a woman continues dating men soured on marriage, most and the least worthy prospects for marriage will be discouraged and dump her as unconquerable. Some and the most worthy prospects will continue to date and linger more and more with her. They find solace and comfort in her, and perhaps sooner rather than later will propose shack up. To refuse and still proceed toward marriage requires feminine astuteness. He has to find in her greater promise for his future. She can show more promise by uncovering whether he is truly embittered about marriage or just his ex.

The negative “I will not marry again” is mighty powerful. It takes a very strong positive and affirming influence to overcome it. But it can be done. To uncover what it takes, get him describing his marriage and ex. See where his sourness lies. If his ex was disrespectful of his marital role and took advantage of him or was ungrateful for what he did to produce, provide, protect, and problem-solve, then his bitterness is at her.

If he’s bitter against her, he’s not all that soured on marriage. Marital failure causes people to get the guilt off themselves. By convincing himself that she was the total problem, he’s free of guilt. He can forget his guilt behind the façade of marriage as the co-culprit.  (Remember? Men neither easily accept nor harbor guilt; they get rid of it.)

On the other hand, if he complains of having to get up too early, work long hours, lousy bosses, too much travel, insufficient income, too little time at home, or other responsibilities and outcomes associated with the man’s role in marriage, he’s embittered at the institution rather than his ex. Therefore, he’s a poor candidate for marriage for any woman. He’s unworthy of further dating.

Women are quite capable of identifying just how worthy a date is for her. It takes time, many dates, and feminine determination and even guile. She simply has to learn more about him while she keeps him from learning too quickly about her.

I know. That runs contrary to modern female thought. But modern female thought is what has caused the ‘run against marriage’ that’s so prominent in society today.

1636. Friendly Reminders — #37

• Some women don’t have or don’t live by moral values they have. They help de-civilize and de-domesticate males, because weak morality favors the stronger sex. It hardens both social and family life, because bachelorettes and wives lose influence.
• Mother distorts her child’s perceptions with demeaning comments about father/husband. Not purposely perhaps, but she carelessly makes her nurturing chatter or self-talk both negative about husband and audible to the child. It biases the child against his father and her husband.
• Dave Ramsey claims women have a ‘security gland’. I add this: It becomes active with her mid-STRIFE crisis that arrives about age 30, and it intensifies throughout life.
• Women complain about hits from workers on construction and similar work sites. They shouldn’t; they are not the sex object they presume. Men show off to buddies and outshine competitors with boasts and outrageous displays of bravado. She’s the vehicle they use and not the target, unless she acts suggestive or responds provocatively.
• Feminist-inclined females disregard this fact of life: By trying to prevent rather than handle unwanted hits, they adopt a self-defeating mindset and helpless attitude that discredits both females and males.
• Women expect peace in their world without having to fight for it. Men know they must fight for it.

1635. Bonding—Easy for Her but Not Him

Women bond easily. Men bond far differently. It’s another exception to common thought. When bonding is the subject, men are more complex than women.

The bonding process for both is simple, if one just considers their respective natures. View a man and woman as if they just emerged from the womb as full size adults with distinctively different roles in life. They’ve not yet learned anything about life or dealt with other people. No upbringing experiences, no values added, and no development of self-image. Just the male and female natures in the raw, as it were.

The woman’s process starts with touching and completes with their first sex together.

Her bonding makes her expect him to stay with her. His presence confirms her self-esteem. Her self-love blossoms as she more and more shows her love of him, which satisfies her need for self-importance. If her gratitude arises out of their relationship, her happiness follows. If her gratefulness for him doesn’t follow her efforts, their relationship crumbles. Her bond with him may shatter, but it never completely leaves her heart.

The man’s bonding process begins with her attractiveness that stirs his loins. It concludes with his conviction of her likeability for him. Sex is not only unnecessary, it interferes with uncovering her qualities that hold promise for him and thus weakens his conviction about her likeability.

She’s likeable. He respects her self-respect and self-confidence. She amuses, uplifts, and pleases him. She respects who he is and appreciates what he does. His conviction confirms her likeability and he wants to keep her around, if the price isn’t too high.

If their relationship sours, his bond with her follows suit. Sex will only lure him back temporarily. To restore his bond, he needs to start over by seeing a new and reinforced self-respect and self-confidence in her. That opens his eyes to reappraising all she has to offer him by way of another kind of life together.

The sexes are vastly different even in the way they bond with one another. The process becomes infinitely more complex after values, beliefs, and expectations complicate both men and women in real life.

1634. Random Thoughts—Group 58

• What happened? Why don’t men whistle musically anymore? It was an old school expression of a happy man preoccupied with his current undertaking. Listening wives knew they had a contented man on their hands. If a man thought ill of his wife, he wasn’t whistling when she was around. Modern women have no such symbol of their man’s enjoyment of life with his woman.
• While shopping, unruly small children trouble their mothers and irritate other shoppers. Children are much like adults only more so. The better dressed a person, the greater both their influence and behavior that suits other people. If mom doesn’t show that she cares what other people think, her children won’t think as much of her as she would like. Mom can have better behaved children by dressing up both them and her just to go grocery shopping. I’m not claiming that mothers have to do it. But if mom dresses up both the children and herself, her shopping experiences will be much more satisfying for herself and others. (By ‘dressing up’ I don’t mean as if for church. I mean simply get the kids out of play clothes, her out of everyday house-wear, and clean them and primp her. If mom always takes the easiest way out, the kids learn from lack of preparation that they don’t have to elevate their behavior when she expects it.)

1633. Random Thoughts—Group 57

• Emerson said “The world turns on hope.” He didn’t go far enough. Respect for one’s fellow human inspires tact, and tact is the KY Jelly of social intercourse. Without it, hope doesn’t take a person very far. Ergo, progress depends more on respect of others than on one’s hope.
• Kids and teachers complain about parents as if nothing else matters. I wish to ask both groups, precisely what do you contribute to the home? Child-defined ‘goodnesses’ and good intentions seem to satisfy teachers and kids. But how do they know the problem? Parents want help with their self-identified problems and not ‘solutions’ identified by sub-adults and those outside the home. If teachers want to help their students’ home life, let them teach children more about personal responsibility and how to inject it into the home and family. Parents can take it from there.
• Why do mothers treat teen boys as if they’re not respectful and respected? Moms dress in around-the-house wear, garage-sale bargains, unappealing tee-shirts, and flip-flops and take teen sons grocery shopping. Teen boys are in the process of learning that their public persona depends a lot on the attractiveness of the female they are with. A carelessly dressed mother signals that her husband doesn’t rank very high and neither does he, her son. Of course, moms argue “But I’m his mother, and that’s different.” To which I respond, you don’t know much about boys, enough about your son, and especially how to make him proud of both you and himself.

1632. Red Flags are Flying

Her Highness That Horse is Dead invited this post. She commented: “I rearranged challenges to the top of my profile (in particular church as requirement for second date) and got an email today asking the following, ‘You want to be the man in the relationship?’ Wondering if you could share your thoughts on what to make of this — a man confusing my feminine requirements with being masculine”

My thoughts? A man respectful of females would not have responded in such a squeamish way, and I shall explain. Not always obvious, but each is a red flag.

• Her requirements reflect her self-interest and just happen to be feminine. His response signifies a lack of respect for her and probably all women. His self-image prevents his accepting another’s self-interest, which is symptomatic of men chasing women for sex.
• Apparently, his requirements are more masculine than self-interest, which I also translate as he’s primarily after sex.
• If he’s that sensitive to whether he’s viewed as the man in a relationship, where would his shortcomings in self-respect and self-confidence likely take his relationships? How often does he crave being pumped up by someone else or pumping up at the expense of others?
• Without knowing her, he treats her as just another woman devoid of need to be recognized as female. Why should he feel threatened because she knows what she wants?
• He attacked her instead of accepting or trying to persuade her otherwise. He could have responded, as men respectful of women would, with his own form of challenge to both her and himself. For example, “Church on second date? Why not the first or third?” Or, “Your church or mine?” (He thinks, let’s see if we can have a little fun.)
• He responds as if she doesn’t deserve to express any expectations that he doesn’t like. Apparently, he expects to proceed by figuratively pounding her into his way of thinking aka submission.
• He hides his cowardice to inquire or unwillingness to take risks by changing the subject and indirectly blaming her with guilt. That’s a standard tactic used by the political left. He’s no friend of women.
• His hand is already on the ejection lever. If she doesn’t relent, he’s ‘outta here’.

She can’t let him think he drove her off. She should respond in one way or another to keep from admitting defeat.

He can be taught a lesson. Not that the world will be any better, but the face of womanhood will shine a tad brighter. She might respond in several ways, for example:

• This isn’t a game of tag. I want a man that KNOWS he is always ‘it’. Guilting me only makes me ‘it’ in your eyes.
• You’re free to start over from the beginning, but otherwise we’re finished.
• Should you wish to start over, the ball’s in your court. Return it to me by describing your character relative to the weaker sex, your willingness to pay attention to wishes I might have, and your sense of personal responsibility for whatever family you create. You might impress me if you describe who or where you got your work ethic. Now, I understand that you take offense at my audacity, but I respond that way to all men who blame me for their lack of boldness. (Of course, it drives him off rather than the reverse.)

Men aren’t used to seeing truly feminine requirements. They’ve been trained to expect wimpy offerings designed to make men like women in the attention-getting stage that leads to sex before devotion. Until women teach them better, the man’s game of notching the bedpost continues.