2021. ATTENTION LADIES


I leave Tuesday 7/22 on a 10-12 day trip for business and grandson’s wedding. Should be back by August 3 at latest. My access to both email and blog will be very limited, but I shall remain loyal to those who comment or ask questions.

I leave you with yesterday’s post, 2020, as an eye-opener to see the blog closer to 20/20. I hope it works for everyone as well as Screamstyle’s progress on her recovery.

If you get bored, study up near the end of the Default Attitudes (aka Female Blessings from Birth), specifically those numbered in the 80s. Some shocks too!

Have a great week or two.

Guy

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2020. God Designs, Nature Endows, Hormones Energize


I’m taking off for 10 days or so. Today I post a quick summary of what both sexes ‘inherit’ at birth and some relationship principles and standardized practices that result from it. All else on the blog is derived from or somehow connected to this refresher. It should be worth more than a read-through.

Men are born as the dominant and women as the superior sex. The immovable object of dominance versus the irresistibly adjustable and survivable force of superiority brings a well-designed and natural balance to the world. However, the balance is inevitably disrupted by personalities and politics in the home, across the country, and around the globe.

These blessings are hardwired into the heart and mind before birth. What people learn later often interferes or overrides, but that may or may not make it better.

  1. Both sexes inherit everything they need to be compatible with a mate of the opposite sex. (In life, however, their free will enables them to think, learn, and do things that directly discourage their natural compatibility.)
  2. Women inherit everything they need to be happy, but they have to earn it. Happiness is the result of their finding and reinforcing gratefulness for themselves, other people, and things vital for compatibility and family. (However, the development of happiness is retarded to the extent they lack gratefulness about and for themselves. You can’t share what you don’t have.)
  3. It’s the counterpart to happiness for women. Men are born to be satisfied, but they routinely earn it with their multiple missions and daily accomplishments. (A man’s return home daily from the job is a sign of satisfaction and cause for celebration. You have noticed that he acts that way, right?)
  4. Ambition provides men with an endless string of missions in life; he’s never finished doing man things. Women have one mission, to live a good life for self and family; they try to make all else fit in.
  5. The prime motivational force within women is their continuous effort to prove their sense of personal importance. However, they are not self-sufficient. Instead, they form and confirm their importance through connections with other people.
  6. The prime motivational force within men is their continuous effort to earn self-admiration. Most everything they choose to do is aimed toward it. They may appreciate the admiration of others, but they don’t have to have it. They find enough within their independence. (Men are thus self-sufficient in both self-admiration and personal satisfaction. Confirmation and encouragement help but are not essential.)
  7. Women are born pretty and men are born handy. (Both, however, are particularly vulnerable to have their advantage suppressed by childhood influences that may include denial by caregivers.)
  8. Women are born modest and men immodest. (Girls, however, are particularly vulnerable to have their natural sense of modesty altered by childhood influences and even ‘stolen’ by caregivers.)
  9. Men are driven to compete with Nature, other men, and to shape human events. Women are driven to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones.
  10. Men need only a place to flop, eat, throw their things, and prepare for tomorrow’s battles. Women need a brighter future.
  11. Men primarily want independence to do as they wish in adjusting to the challenges and situations of life. Women primarily want someone to be available and able to help when insurmountable personal issues and catastrophes intervene with their importance and pursuit of happiness; usually a man best fits the bill.
  12. Men fear insignificance, especially when indicated by their mate. Women fear abandonment, first by their father and then by their mate.
  13. Men focus on the present; they expect to be able to handle what arises with the future. Women focus on the future; they think it their duty to shape it today in the most female-friendly manner for them and family later. [The rest that follows below are more like 'apps' than simple inheritance.]
  14. Men are primarily producers and women are primarily processors. The producer mindset causes men to provide, protect, and problem solve within their domains of responsibility; that is, when they perceive it their duty to do so. Women as processors shape and integrate the results of producers into relationships.
  15. Men are primarily competitors and tend to cooperate only when they see the need. Women are the opposite.
  16. Hardwiring gives rise to the eternal war of the sexes. Men seek to conquer women for sex. Women seek to conquer men for permanent mating. (Marriage isn’t a natural inheritance but pleasant insurance wrought by the irresistible force of the female sex.)
  17. Men seek to mate with a respectable and virtuous woman. He respects a candidate’s natural inheritances, such as sexual uniqueness, female modesty, feminine mystique, and strong preference for monogamous marriage. Second, he admires certain of her personal qualities, which then become virtues to him.
  18. Women seek to mate with a man devoted to her, and devotion is both created by and reflected from whatever he does to please himself by catering to her interest.
  19. A man’s love is founded on respect. The more he respects women generally and one in particular, the more and deeper he’s capable of loving.
  20. A woman’s love is based on her sense of self-importance to provide a particular man with what she thinks he needs to fulfill his life.
  21. Successful mating depends upon satisfactory results within daily interactions. Specifically, why, how, and what he does to and for her. And why, how, and what she says to and about him. (Compatibility falls apart quicker and more easily from repeated doses of minor irritants—his actions, her words, or both—than their relationship is held together by the bigger influences of love, vows, and sex.)
  22. Men change after conquering a woman for their first sex together. He’s released from the hunt to set new goals. His respect slows or stops its growth. He assumes control of their sexual agenda. He decides her role in his life.
  23. Single women change after being conquered by a man. She has bonded and imagines that he has too. Guilt plagues her that she may have made a mistake. Recognizing that a relationship-shaking event has occurred, she settles into anxiety about what the future holds. To live with her anxieties, she tries to convince herself that she now has him headed to the altar. She craves any kind of feedback from him as to what happens next.
  24. Men compete with men for the best woman. They compete with women for conquest, after which they refuse or avoid competition, mainly because they fear losing to a woman they ‘own’ by virtue of conqueror’s right.
  25. In the marketplace where couples form, women compete with women by making themselves virtuous. It comes first from making themselves physically attractive and second from qualities of personality, character, and likeability that individual men find admirable. When she senses that she’s competitive with other women, she feels worthy and deserving and becomes a buyer in the relationship marketplace with each man as a potential seller; whoever he is, he has to earn her. If she feels non-competitive, unworthy, or undeserving, then she acts desperately and makes bad choices throughout the marketplace.
  26. Making herself sexually attractive in public adds two female-unfriendly biases to the male mind. 1) It diverts his attention from her as person, woman, and potential mate and polarizes his interest on conquest. 2) It reminds that women are all alike sexually after conquest. She thus kills her own uniqueness when she invites his mind to think about sex instead of her.
  27. The female sex is born with aptitude, ability, and interest to perform as relationship experts, managers, and sustainers. Males are born with a deep aversion to being changed by someone else. Consequently, they lack interest in relationship management as it implies that they should change, which is to admit they are guilty.
  28. To men, physical infidelity is both worst and intolerable. To women, emotional infidelity is worse than the physical, because it constitutes mental and probable physical abandonment.
  29. Guilt plagues women; they have the inherent ability to live constantly with loads of it. Men can’t or won’t live with guilt. They resist, rebuff, resent, and rebut when someone flings guilt in their direction. They refuse to accept burdens of guilt that don’t originate within them personally. When they do accept self-imposed guilt, they may or may not take correcting or compensating action. Whether they do or don’t, they dispose of all guilt by forgetting it sooner rather than later. They don’t carry it well or long.
  30. Men marry on the promise that their woman will support and encourage his missions in life. Women marry on the belief that their man can achieve greater things within the framework of her guidance.

As children grow they are bombarded with values, standards, and influences that alter, replace, or even contradict what they are born with. It especially makes women less aware of what came with their birth, but it doesn’t make them less needful of their internal guidance computer, which is their heart as hardwired before birth.

——

EDITORIAL COMMENT

Society is what we all do. Culture is why we all do it. Females are born this way. They can’t dominate society; men do that too extensively. But they do inherit at birth the capability to indirectly set, impose, and police the values, standards, and expectations by which men govern society. For example: Men conquered the west but women civilized it. Morality crumbles today, because women allow and even join in to make it happen.

Our foremothers mastered the art of dominating the culture in the first several American centuries. They managed the social and domestic value systems indirectly but so well that two male-dominated religions morphed into our female-dominated Judeo-Christian culture. The same value system that is now being ripped apart by making Christianity and religious belief illegal, immoral, unethical, or politically incorrect.

As women go so goes men. Within the female nature lies the capability to recover our female-friendly culture. Men can’t and won’t do it without the indirect influence of their woman—not women—their woman. It will take the breakfast-table, pillow-talk transfer of wifely expectations into society via individual men, which further implies that husbands have to recapture dominance of society from single men, which further implies that wives must restore their dominance of nest and home.

Oh, were it only that easy.

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2019. Female Blessings at Birth — 28-30


It’s the tenth group and I’m grateful for your earlier responses.

I continue taking the (currently 86) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination. (Bear with me awhile. I’m in the process of renaming Default Attitudes as Female Blessings from Birth.)

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. It resonates in your heart as truth, even though you may never have thought of it.

False means that the item is missing completely from your heart, it’s something you learned during life, or you just don’t think women are born that way.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me.

28. It comes so easy. I benefit from appreciating my man’s handiness, which also pleases him. [Guy adds: Male handiness is the birthright equivalent of female prettiness. Confirming each other in those domains is a mainstay of compatibility.]
29. I have my personality and roles wrapped up in the urge to be important to me and others. My self-respect and free will enable me to make the best choices to maximize benefits to all concerned. [Guy adds: Making herself important is a woman’s prime motivator in life. If she feels unimportant to her man, she tries harder. To the contrary, men tend to lose interest when they feel or are treated unimportantly by their woman.]
30. Even though it may be less than enjoyable for me, I enjoy praising husband’s sexual performance and ignoring whatever shortcomings I may detect. I like to fill the most vital role in his admiration of himself ‘in action’. It’s so essential to his sense of significance as compatible mate that I am unable to let my attitude or even discomfort be construed as disdain, that he lacks finesse, or that he doesn’t satisfy me. [Guy adds: Women learn from the opinion of others. Modern women tend to criticize first and deny that they can or even want to accept their man’s horizontal inadequacies. Since he can’t or doesn’t read her reactions and cater to her desires, he’s just not worth it. Yet, it seems that other parts of the female nature inherited at birth lead her to be tolerant, patient, and have hope of smoothing out his techniques and problems. Traits such as these. She’s eager to please. She seeks to be important to others. She appreciates her man’s undivided attention. She naturally bonds through intercourse, can swallow pride to please her man, uses patience and indirectness to influence her man, can accept being taken for granted, can accept being demeaned if her hopes and future aren’t threatened. Now, I’m not claiming that women should behave so favorably for him but at their expense. I’m claiming and ask you to tell me if I’m wrong; deep in a woman’s heart she knows that she should accommodate his sexual shortcomings more with hope and forgiveness than with criticism, corrections, or put downs. After all, sexual relations may seem to be the most obvious to him, but sex isn’t the primary ingredient of compatibility. IOW she quite naturally starts out wanting to please him in bed, even though later she may require something more favorable for her. Oh, and another thing. By praising at least some aspect of his performance in bed, it encourages him to perform even better, which brings about change however minor. With her care, patience, tenderheartedness, and understanding, she can coach in such a fashion as to ultimately bring changes that carry satisfying experiences for her. The self-fulfilling prophecy works when done well, but it takes time, patience, understanding, and indirectness—those things at which women as relationship experts excel quite naturally.]

Example for your response: “30-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2018. Favored Quotes—Collection 41


These quotes reflect the wisdom of ladies who comment on the blog.

“At times I think “yes I am great catch” then comparison, the thief of joy comes along.” [Reading Up at 1972, emphasis added by Guy.]

“The conversation contained the words ‘stop it’ which I would repeat several times over the next few months. I never raised my voice; in fact I spoke much more softly than usual, as I knew he felt as badly as I felt. Neither of us had wanted this type of interaction. I forgave without needing an apology (although he did give one).” [Lauren about Guy Jr. at 1493]

“See I have been waiting for months for an opportunity to use what you taught us on how to thank men. And I did… it was at work in an email to a colleague who helpful. I typed ‘men are never more handsome than when they help a lady who’s under pressure’! You had to see his reaction. I think I made his day :) It was easier in an email though.” [From Cocoa at 1525]

“I think men love the sparkle in a woman’s eye more than cleavage dumping out the blouse. They love a girl who can work hard and make it look easy, who is full of languor and confidence, and yet humble and energetic. They love it when a woman doesn’t talk too much, but only says things that either need to be said or are wanted to be heard. Men seem to like women who have self-respect because it protects them from having to feel guilty for getting away with disrespecting her, since she won’t put up with it in the first place. Men seem to think it’s fascinating for a woman to defend herself, so long as she doesn’t do it in a way that disrespects his manhood. I think my husband appreciates my talents that help him build up his own self-image, such as my fashion sense in helping him dress, my popularity with his co-workers, and my knowledge of nutrition since he’s in the fitness business. He doesn’t seem to care much about what I wear as long as I’m happy with it, or if I show up to his work events to socialize. I think men want a woman who trusts them even more than they trust themselves. Men want a woman to hold them up to a standard of greatness that is in them, but that they have not yet attained, because their love for her motivates them to reach that standard.” [Maria at 1979]

 

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2017. Female Blessings at Birth — 25-27


It’s the ninth group and I’m grateful for your responses.

I continue taking the (currently 86) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination. (Bear with me and some confusions I may create for awhile. I’m in the process of renaming Default Attitudes as Female Blessings from Birth.)

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or it’s something you learned during life, and so you have no reference point.

Where I explain or add, I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge me.

25. I grieve at the loss of a loved one with this firm conviction lodged in my heart. They would not have wanted me to have a single bad day of life if they thought their departure was the cause. [Guy adds: Recovery from grief arises out of setting new targets in life and forming new habits to hit those targets. You need to do it two ways: 1) Impose new actions on old behaviors such that you develop new habits—e.g., dress neater than you did before, eat less than previously, or fast one day a week in memory, and do it all as tribute. 2) Persuade yourself that your loved one would not disagree with your new habits and might even be pleased with your initiative to honor them. IOW, work off your grief by making yourself feel better about yourself for doing right things made right by you deciding the departed would be pleased with your tribute.]
26. I intuitively sense that ‘commitment’ is of the mind and mouth and not of the heart. I’ve confirmed in life that people—especially men—don’t truly obligate themselves with words as well as they do with deeds. [Guy explains: Actions that symbolize devotion program the human heart with devotion; words about devotion program the heart for sincerity at best but can disguise insincerity at worst. A person’s attitude reveals what likely resides in their heart but only their actions reflect it more accurately than words. Hidden agendas are much harder to disguise with actions than with words. Consequently, the best way to take the measure of a person is to judge from their attitude and character as made obvious by or easily presumed from their actions.]
27. I don’t really expect to get all the affection I crave, but better too little than too much. (My man may be short of providing all the affection I would like, but he provides enough and I’m glad our roles aren’t reversed such that I would be the one accused of giving too little.) [Guy adds: Too much affection shown by a man generates disrespect within the woman; he appears weak and therefore not good enough. Too much affection shown by a woman causes loss of respect by the man; she appears desperate and therefore weak or vice versa.]

Example for your response: “26-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception to anything.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2016. Female Blessings at Birth — 22-24


It’s the eighth group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or it’s something you learned during life, and so you have no reference point.

Where “Guy adds,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions.

22. I am worthy of any man but only a few are worthy of me. [Guy adds: Unfortunately, her worthiness is too easily reversible in childhood. Parents are overly challenged and don’t treat children equally as persons but uniquely as boys and girls. It works for the better this way. Fathers pump up their daughters’ sense of self-worth and importance, which girls accept as relative to the source, one man representing all men. Mothers admire their sons’ achievements, which they accept as relative to the source, women. Then, in the romance marketplace, she automatically claims herself worthy and he willingly accepts it as challenge to win her. In the jargon of today, marriage works well with this start-up foundation. He thinks he married over his head and she knows that he did. It springs from natural impulses confirmed before puberty by parents.]
23. I have all the qualities I need to make one man earn me. (However, something inside also tells me I have to work daily to ‘tune up’ those qualities if I hope to keep the admiration of candidates for marriage. [Guy adds: And then, someday, at least one man will see you sufficiently virtuous that he becomes fascinated and devoted enough to see so much promise that he’s willing to yield his independence to capture you as wife.)
24. Something deep inside says I should, so I refuse to accept offenses to my feminine sensibilities. I spotlight my objections with critical words or by departing the scene. (No more f- or c- words, porn, or similar filth in my or children’s presence.) [Guy adds: Female sensibilities are personal. You can’t be wrong, so take action and neither complain nor explain, just act. It’s also a primary method by which women set standards to which men are expected to rise, which is one practice that produces a female-friendly society.]

Example for your response: “23-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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2015. Female Blessings at Birth — 19-21


It’s the seventh group and I’m grateful for whatever feedback you send.

I continue taking the (currently 85) default attitudes for a test drive and your examination.

Please identify each item by its number and indicate true/false, as you see it. True means that a default item is part of female nature that women inherit at birth. False means that the item is missing completely from your heart or something you learned during life.

Where “Guy adds,” I could be wrong. Feel free to challenge my assumptions.

19. I’m grateful that I have the ultimate ‘out’. I can seek God’s forgiveness to relieve my self-blame and guilt. It’s up to me to believe—first in God, second in His intention—that I’m forgiven and free to forget an incident or fault. [Guy adds: Born soft-hearted and taught to be tender-hearted, excess guilt hardens the female heart. Forgiveness relieves such guilt except when she lacks belief in God or faith in His forgiveness. Or, she refuses such forgiveness as undeserved, which just explains shortage of belief, faith, or both.]
20. I’m grateful to realize that morality and religion are essential and I can use them to brighten my future. Both serve us women in the process of civilizing boys, taming men, and domesticating husbands. [Guy adds: Men lack the natural interest that women have for morality and female-friendly religion. However, in order to live up to the expectations of mothers and mates, men adopt and use both. As women go so goes society; as morality and Western religions are promoted and popularized, so goes female-friendliness.]
21. I’m grateful to be in charge of my home. I accept responsibility for both a civil and well-disciplined household. Husband participates and backs me up when I need greater authority, which is almost never necessary as long as I do my best. (And anyway, when he’s invited to help, he goes too far or takes over.) [Guy adds: Husband provides the head and wife the heart of the home. The attitudes of family members flow out of the family heart and reflect her effectiveness. Blaming husband for dissatisfaction invites him to direct her efforts.]

Example for responses: “21-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired if you take exception.

Thank you for your opinions.

 

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