Newbies, Tweeters, and Facebookers

Men and women are vastly different creatures. Hundreds of ways are described and contrasted here. You’ll find that compatibility depends more on matching differences than finding likenesses.

I suggest that newbies start with the ABOUT page at blog top followed by the series beginning at “1747 - Sex Difference Redux.” The series introduces the major differences that shape the rest of this blog, such as needs, love, guilt, bonding, fears, virginity, compatibility, sex drives, infidelity, happiness, and more.

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I appreciate and hope you enjoy your visit and viewing.

Guy

1866. RANDOM THOUGHTS—Group 80

• Ingratitude and pretty smiles are enemies. You can’t smile with ungrateful thoughts in your mind. Being truly grateful makes you smile and vice versa. Since happiness arises out of your gratefulness, smiling and being happy fight against ingratitude.
• All women are pretty in their hearts if not their minds. They are only beautiful when a man says they are. Why? First, they want to believe men, because they use beauty to compete with other women. Second, they can’t trust female competitors. Third, they don’t believe other females because they view them as just encouragers.
• Marriages fail mostly from irritants and unanswered demands that ruin the likeability of one or both spouses. Love and commitment just aren’t enough to hold them together after dis-likeability devours devotion.
• The argumentative woman eventually turns sour. It suppresses smiles, hides prettiness, and smothers likeability.
• Women who seek the perfect future—especially by enhancing home and kids at the expense of the wife-husband connection—lose their perspective on what’s practical for husband to provide, protect, and tolerate, namely his respect and love.
• Girls are born with the conviction they are pretty. Boys are born with the conviction they are handy. They set out early in toddlerhood to demonstrate their respective blessings—and most importantly, confirm it to themselves. (Parental displeasure with immature efforts damages respect for parents.)
• In my schooldays, boys were scared of girls. For example, they wouldn’t think of copping a feel in school. ‘Boys will be boys’ didn’t apply to relationships with the opposite sex. Girls upheld a chaste reputation, and it kept boys from ruining their own reputation among girls. Get a bad name among the girls and you’d never get a date to sit and neck in the car. (The generation of girls just before mine owns a huge credit for developing the Greatest Generation that won World War II.)

 

1865. Sex Difference Redux—Part 103: Inspired to be Better

We all aspire to be better people. However, God designs, Nature endows, and hormones energize the sexes differently. But still, WADWMUFGAO, we all do what makes us feel good about ourselves. To feel good about ourselves by being a worse person, we have to be taught.

Both sexes are born with the inspiration to be better persons, and we instinctively pressure ourselves to live up to it. We don’t just hope to be a better person; our nature prompts and pushes us to keep trying. For the benefit of both individuals and society, we all need a model to follow other than ourselves. Without it we exploit our weaknesses in the mistaken belief that we know best. It has the effect of promoting and perpetuating our own shortcomings, which makes us more unacceptable to those around us.

We become better by living up to someone or something bigger than us. Our focus shifts from inside to outside ourselves. We expand our interests and weaken our self-centeredness with the added blessing of not feeling alone or deserted.

Women intuitively turn toward someone, primarily God and mate, and men rise to some things, primarily jobs and beliefs. Women anticipate need for access to wisdom; men depend more on whatever wisdom they gain in daily competition.

Women easily accept guilt, aggressively respond to threats against their children, and eagerly spot their mate’s inadequacies. Consequently, they find that living up to God’s expectations makes them a better person. He’s supremely qualified to help overcome womanly shortcomings and mate’s inadequacies.

A better male or female more easily harmonizes relationships and, when necessary, resolves domestic upheavals. With God’s help, women can become the person they instinctively envision, although they never quite get there. There’s always more to do, more a better person to become.

The sex difference is fortuitous for Americans. The choice of living up to God’s expectations requires living by a moral code. As Tocqueville states in his classic Democracy in America, “No free communities ever existed without morals; and … morals are the work of woman.” In fact, morals are of little interest to the male nature except as females make it so.

Men traditionally follow the female lead when women take advantage of two motivational forces in order to generate compatibility, and harmonize relationships. 1) Men only need a place to flop, eat, throw their things, and prepare for tomorrow’s battles. 2) Men do whatever women require in order to have convenient and frequent access to sex.

When women live within and promote morality, they lead men by example. It leads to these monumental improvements for females and children. Men are induced to also follow God, adhere to His moral code, and thus become better persons, husbands, and fathers.

Consequently, women’s natural inspiration to become better people generates the role model that induces men to follow suit. Men who live up to God and mate are far more productive and protective for females than living up to things—such as jobs that discriminate, ideologies that exploit, and beliefs that normalize mistreatment of women and children.

1864. Sex Difference Redux—Part 102: Where Love Begins—18

This looks to be the final installment of Where Love Begins. These sex differences need to be handled well so that compatibility ensues, or else they can contribute to incompatibility. Either spouse can find a way to generate compatibility, but women are by far the most qualified and consequently the best.

171. At a hint or criticism from someone, guilt rises in your mind and stays there to rest uneasily on your heart. Your man differs. Guilt only bothers him when it’s his idea that he deserves it, and then he escapes it quickly one way or another.

172. Your man says: “These things can be a little better.” You too easily presume he means: “These things can be perfect,” or “You screwed up again.”

173. You thrive with intermixing and multi-tasking everything into continuous living. Your man thrives on dividing life into work time and leisure/family/friend/play time. He needs diversions from work whereas you need freedom from disruptions and unexpected consequences.

174. Your female psyche mystifies your man, and he isn’t comfortable trying to outwit you. You admire and follow his strengths, or you lose his willingness to let you outwit him.

175. Your man respects, favors, and thrives on producing things in life and dealing with challenges. You respect, favor, and thrive on the processes of life and dealing successfully with people.

176. You are inclined to be dependent and live more easily on faith. The more independent nature of your man pushes him more toward action and evidence than faith.

177. For greatest success, you persuade him indirectly. He persuades you directly.

178. Your man primarily honors authority figures he fears or respects; it’s the males’ competitive world at work. You primarily honor authorities and institutions that call for faith and trust, such as God, government, education, and organizations built to deal in compassion; it’s the females’ cooperative world at work.

179. Your man allows beauty to do whatever beauty can lead to. You promote beauty for all it can produce.

180. You lack this drive: Men with a strong sense of family responsibility, even when jobless, have an urge in the morning to go someplace outside the home. It’s a reassuring habit and can ease or hide doubts he may have about his significance.

This series, Where Love Begins, ends here. No doubt many other differences generate or deflate compatibility, but they’ve not yet been collected and merged here.  Perhaps someday….

1863. Sex Difference Redux—Part 101: Where Love Begins—17

Balancing the ingredients that produce compatibility can be done by either sex. However, the balancing takes a lot of give and take, relationship management, and dedicated interest in enhancing compatibility. Women have much greater interest, ability, and motivation than men to do it. Here’s another ten sex differences that lead to or take away from spousal compatibility.

161. Your man lays guilt on you and—unless you directly refuse— it motivates you to make things right. Laying guilt on your man produces unintended consequences.

162. Your love shows up as words and actions that reveal your appreciation and affection. As you demonstrate your loving kindness, actions make you more loving of that love object. Your man’s love shows up with his producing, providing, protecting, and problem-solving for those for whom he feels responsible. Actions much more than words confirm that he loves someone of vital importance to him.

163. The internal forces that push your man forward—qualities such as competitive spirit, work ethic, responsibility, individualism—are comparable to the nurturing urges that warm your psyche such as affection, nurturing, and intimacy.

164. The more you like yourself as a female and the more feminine you routinely present yourself, then the greater your self-respect and less you permit your man to dominate you unfairly. Your man learns easily to use much softer gloves with women the more highly he respects them. And men respect friendly and feminine females who exploit their unique nature to the fullest—which excludes acting as a guy, man, feminist, radical, or something else not admired by manly men.

165. In the matter of self-respect, self-worth, and self-confidence, you expand and strengthen those qualities by capturing and keeping a boyfriend, mate, or husband. Your man possesses those qualities before capturing you. If you subsequently weaken his strengths, you make yourself more burden than blessing, more unlikeable than likeable, more disposable than keep-able.

166. You disclose feelings easily and view very open relationships as non-threatening. Your man neither needs nor wants fully open relationships. He doesn’t disclose feelings, unless it helps accomplish something that he wants or needs. (IOW, feelings to men are more like weapons than for guidance. Of course, men are emotional creatures, but they don’t naturally think of themselves that way.)

167. You push your man to express his deeper emotions. You want to hear about his feelings, even if not directly about you. You seek full disclosure to test for his emotional fidelity. You can’t stand much mystery, and open relationships are less threatening. However, your man doesn’t think about it. He just has feelings, so what? No sense talking about it (unless needed to conquer you or persuade a woman). (Keeping his emotions private has the serendipitous effect of keeping women on edge about his intentions.)

168. Your womanly love comes from claiming it; you don’t have to prove it to yourself. Your man’s love comes from his actions that confirm and reconfirm that he must love you. If he didn’t, why would he do so much to please you?

169. You more easily live up to something bigger than yourself—especially love, religion, morality, and family—when you need help to improve your feelings. Your man more easily lives up to something bigger than himself when complex thinking comes into play—such as politics, power relationships, religion, morality, standards, competition, responsibilities, authority, accountability, leadership, management. (Morality and religion are both common and most fertile to be made mutual.)

170. In the matter of self-respect, self-worth, and self-confidence, your man respects you for possessing those qualities. He also expects you to respect him and help reinforce those qualities within him. He won’t admit to the italicized phrase, but when respect declines for either of you, you drift toward becoming an ex.

As it looks now, only one more post on this subject is forthcoming.

1862. Sex Difference Redux—Part 100: Where Love Begins—16

When women use their relationship skills and balance these comparisons such that disagreements and disputes don’t arise, they promote and invigorate mutual and enduring love.

151. You seek relationships for emotional comfort. Your man seeks relationships for fun and functionality.

152. You use sex to attract potential mates from which you hope to find Mr. Right. Your man advertises subliminally or poses as each woman’s Mr. Right— until conquest, that is. Then he drops the pose and directly assumes the role.

153. Your man wants to go directly to the heart of a problem . You want to surround an issue with all possible connections so you can evaluate the full impact it will likely have on your life.

154. You associate and cooperate with women as a major part of life. You encourage each other. Your man associates and competes with other men. They encourage themselves.

155. You need encouragement from him and your man needs support, gratitude, and respect from you. That’s a prime but not the sole input for encouraging himself.

156. Your man primarily and naturally focuses on the threats and opportunities in his world. You naturally focus on the threats and opportunities for attachments, security, and shaping human lives, which focuses your interests primarily in the home.

157. When you think and act like men, you over eat. When your man thinks and acts like women, he under eats.

158. Your man infers from your mystery far more than you convince him with words and promises. You don’t trust his mystery.

159. You want your man’s faithfulness and trust him more readily than you suspect him. Your man wants no suspicions of your unfaithfulness, and it enables him to trust more easily than suspect.

160. When split up comes, you feel guiltier than your man. Later, you also feel more responsible than he.

More follow in a day or so.

1861. Sex Difference Redux—Part 99: Where Love Begins—15

When relationship experts balance these comparisons such that disagreements and disputes don’t arise, they develop and invigorate the kind of love that makes compatibility mutual and lasts a lifetime.

141. You prefer to talk about and bond over personal matters. Your man avoids the personal; he talks about and bonds over the impersonal. (It’s an aspect of his nature that also causes ‘affection delivery disorder’ as described at post 1755.)

142. Your man mostly produces to achieve results; relationships are less important. You mostly process to sustain relationships; short-term results are less important.

143. You want to live with your man more than he wants a woman to live with. (It means only that your natures ‘work’ that way. You are capable of making him want to live with you as much as he with you.)

144. You need a reason to have sex. Your man needs a place. You know when. Your man hopes frequently and conveniently. (After marriage change “frequently” to “regularly.”)

145. Your man invests himself in producing a home and then takes living inside for granted. You take your home as sanctuary, invest yourself continuously to maintain it, and resent being taken for granted.

146. You expect both emotional fidelity and sexual faithfulness. Your man is unfamiliar with the former and demands the latter much more intensely than you expect it.

147. Your man has little natural interest in making things safer, except as he foresees or faces endangerment. He expects to handle whatever comes and largely expects the same of you. You anticipate threats to your future and seek solutions or help before a threat appears.

148. Your man needs someplace to go or something to do in the morning. It’s natural tasking to prove his self-worth. In the morning, you orchestrate tasks that are connected to activating the process of living. It’s natural tasking to prove your sense of importance.

149. You receive relationship interest through your ears and relationship nourishment via attention and affection from your man. He confirms relationship interest through his eyes and relationship nourishment via stomach, sex, and comfort.

150. You seek frequent confirmation that your relationships are well and continuing so. Your man pays attention to his relationships only when something goes wrong, bad, or out of kilter.

I’ve not yet run out of axioms for generating enduring love. More follow in the next post about ‘Where Love Begins’.

1860. Sex Difference Redux—Part 98: Where Love Begins—14

Each of these comparisons plays a part in developing or invigorating the kind of love that generates compatibility and lasts a lifetime.

131. You naturally judge men by their inner self. Your man naturally judges women by their outer self. 

132. You give in response to your nurturing spirit or to show gratefulness; it makes you feel good. Your man gives little because he sees little need for it.

133. You intuitively measure a man’s devotion by his level of unselfishness with you. Your man doesn’t think about devotion; he follows his instinctive feelings about you as his woman.

134. You can turn your man from inadequate mate into adequate mate or vice versa. Your man can only turn you from adequate to inadequate wife.

135. You favor feelings, feedback, and felicity. Your man favors facts, thinking, logic, and reason.

136. You notice and appreciate the flowers on the table in restaurants. Your man says, “Where? Oh, there?”

137. You seek order in the home. Your man wants harmony but knows little about how to produce it.

138. Your man’s foundation of love is respect for you. Your foundation is hope for ‘us’.

139. Your man has the greater ability to create wealth; it’s embedded in his competitive nature. You have the greater need for wealth; it’s embedded in your need for a brighter future and even deeper in your fear of abandonment.

140. You crave a man alongside when you sleep. Your man enjoys the physicality.

I’ve not yet run out of axioms for generating enduring love. More follow in the next post about ‘Where Love Begins’.