2091. IT’S DOWNTIME AGAIN


As you know, I am relocating and it’s time to pause posting for 10 days. I expect to return about election day, but in the meantime I’m hopeful of responding normally to many of your comments except when I’m offline between about OCT 30 and NOV 3.

I leave you with something to study. It’s the new page at blog top, HER BLESSINGS and HIS ADMIRATION. It’s the result of the new project derived from the 93 Female Blessings at Birth articles posted previously.

Ladies, may all your days brighten with new thoughts to help you figure out how to make your life more enjoyable.

Respectfully,

Guy

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2090. “Darling” — Cultural History


I said that I wouldn’t bore you with it, but here it is anyway.

Until the 1960s or thereabouts, men routinely used casual pet names especially for younger females—darling, honey, etc.—to gain friendly attention, show recognition, and pass appreciation and even affection. Indirectly it endorses the likeability of the female and stamps friendliness on the male. Women knew when they were being hit on disrespectfully, and they had both ways and courage to handle it.

Then along came the feminists. They condemned all men as connecting sex with their use of popular pet names. For example: Hey, sweetheart, how about you and me? Tonight! Your place or mine? As if that were the only way that pet names were used. And if not stated, feminists claimed it to be implied.

Feminists pressured and taught women to demean and humble men for doing what makes both men and women feel good about themselves. As a main tactic of their political movement, feminists attached sexual overtones to usage of such terms, and a new social process evolved to enlarge the political correctness movement. Friendliness in men was cast as always suggestive of sex to which women were taught to take offense. It indirectly and feminists directly reminded women that all men are dangerous and therefore not respectable.

Prophecy soon overwhelmed custom and it went like this. Feminists called manly personal endearments sexually suggestive and offensive. Suspicions arose easily. Women resented, withdrew, and defended against pet names even to calling it sexual harassment. Friendliness became guarded. Compatibility became dubious. Harassment claims took men to court and Human Resources company discrimination against men reversed common sense. Trust faded and respect soon followed. Lack of respect for women followed lack of respect for men. The threat of sexual harassment charges soon locked men out of passing compliments to women. Men went silent, less friendly, less compatible, and women turned to women to learn about men, which exacerbates female problems.

Complying with the feminist agenda and fashion of women sticking together, women smothered the friendly pleasure of men. It drove a spike of doubt into the spirit of compatibility, which lost much of its inborn manly attention, responsibility, and dependability.

Men accept doing things the feminist way because feminist-inspired cheap and easy sex compensates. Women don’t handle it as well. A man’s love is founded on unconditional respect for the female sex and conditional respect for his love object, both of which are now closer to vapor than devotion.

And so, the use of pet names and female-friendly terms of endearment passed on. Men changed their behavior due to legal and social pressures for the improprieties of a few that feminists claimed to be universal. Political correctness was born about the same decade. It also started the male-female wars that have now morphed into the political so-called war against women. The love and respect of men for women is reduced somewhat by the lack of friendliness that pet names used to generate.

 

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2089. “Darling”— It’s Time for a Comeback


My self-gratitude articles stress that women lack gratefulness for themselves. Recently a lady reminded me of something Her Majesty Grace emphasized for years. Women do not receive the attention, recognition, and compliments they routinely expect or deserve from men that showers friendliness on everyday situations.

We need to re-initiate a customary practice that used to do exactly that, albeit indirectly. Men should tromp on political correctness and restore routinely the use of generic pet names when dealing with women. Such as these: honey, sweetie, darling, sweetheart, sweetie pie, sugar, and a few others that don’t come immediately to mind. I’m not talking about hitting on them but sprinkling everyday speech routinely with affectionate honors.

For example: Good morning, darling (to a friend). Or: Thank you, sweetheart, I appreciate you saving me on that point. Or: Hey, honey, I saw you dancing last night. You looked great. And, darling, that dress was a wowser. Or: Hey, sweetie, haven’t seen you for a month. Let’s grab a coffee. Or, Sweetie pie, you deserve a treat. Let’s you and grandpa just go get some ice cream. Or: Sugar, you fed me like a sweetheart should. Just like mom used to. If you weren’t married, I’d sweep you off your feet and marry you in a heartbeat.

When done sincerely and without ulterior motive, it automatically adds friendliness to a situation.

Looking back to earlier years, I well remember that I felt good using such friendly terms. I’ve done it a few times recently and felt the same way, good about myself passing on some special attention and perhaps light-hearted affection. (Being PC, I suspect it’s much more easily acceptable to women since I am so old relative to them.)

I have resurrected the practice for me. So, ladies, if I call you darling or sweetie take it as the pleasant friendliness intended. I will easily flip those complimentary terms around without thinking. Just a new habit. If you don’t appreciate such attention, just let me know and I’ll exclude you.

Farewell for now, you sweeties of every kind. It’s great chatting at you. I shall not bore you with what I threw out, namely a thousand words of old and new school history to justify my decision.

 

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2088. Female Blessings at Birth — 91-93 Plus


We have arrived at the last three of the blessings that women carry but may not use. The new blessing/admiration seeds are bolded at the end of each item. I cite her blessings as men might see them and add a man’s natural response.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F on each.

91. The root of my pleasure in life is my female uniqueness out of which popularity and sexual assets support my self-worth. [Guy adds: Knowing that men will do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex, smarter women rank feminine uniqueness higher than pleasure, self-respect higher than popularity, and self-worth higher than sexual relations. Her blessing: She’s of great worth as mate to a man. His admiration: (Short of what she would like.) Highly unlikely to pin me down—until she proves that she’s worth it, that is.]

92. I am grateful that my girlhood dreams came directly out of my heart, which I embellished with deep romance and well-deserved masculine chivalry. [Guy adds: Thus, a woman develops her primary mission in life. To live a good life in fulfillment of her girlhood dream. Her blessing: She knows what she wants her life to become, the process of loving and living for her and others. His admiration: For my long-range dreams and ambitions, she fits okay into my life. I can do romantic, chivalrous, nice, pleasant, kind, courteous, trusting, loyal, and respectable for my mate. Ain’t no big deal. Were I like other guys with few dreams or ambitions, she’s better off than I am.]

93. I am grateful for my social conscience in addition to the moral one. By that I mean my ability to analyze myself. I ease my guilt by analyzing myself as to cause and cure. Sometimes it works. Other times it doesn’t. I often overdo it with unintended consequences. I can even sink into depression by overdoing it. I’m still grateful, because it enables me to ease most of the misery of everyday guilt. [Guy adds: As to right and wrong and blame and innocence, self-analysis is a mixed blessing. Used beneficially and she profits. Used unwittingly and she punishes herself. For instance, she does something wrong or just out of kilter; the results were just not what she expected. Guilt sets in. She has to do something. To figure that out she turns to self-analysis. What did I do wrong? Insult them? Speak out when I shouldn’t? Hurt their feelings? Unable to find out for sure, she imagines possible answers. The more analysis, the more possibilities. The more possibilities, the more worries. The more worries, the more distraught she becomes. She cranks herself into a tizzy of options none of which appear to be appropriate and so her guilt intensifies rather than lessens. She loses sleep. She ignores or forgets this. We all make mistakes and recovery is everything. Her ability to search herself for cause and cure enables plans for recovery and self-analysis can ease her guilt. But it’s not all blessing. It can cause self-induced discomfort more than comfort. Some use it in ways that paralyze. Others recede into depression. But the smarter ones use it to just recover from mistakes rather than trying to solve problems for others. The more successful women are those less bothered by endless guilt. Her blessing: She can admit her mistakes and take blame for relationship friction. She’s endowed with the ability to minimize damage to herself and reduce blame on others. His admiration: I can’t do that. If someone is wrong or makes mistakes, they deserve what they get. It includes me, although I admit to escaping without much self-analysis.]

Thus, the series ends but the new project doesn’t. I shall soon post the new project condensed version—aka her blessings vs. his admiration—probably in one page at shown in the menu at blog top.

Three closing thoughts:

  • The item most declared false by readers was the first one that started, “I am a great kisser….” At post 2007 the score was: 11 True and 4 False)
  • Out of 391 opinions cast, only 7% were False. In fact, none of the Fs, while legitimate conviction among readers, was sufficiently convincing to deny that it’s inherited at birth. I therefore presume it pretty accurate that all 92 are fairly good descriptions of the blessings. I’m sure there are more than 92 and my research continues. (I’d like to hear from anyone in serious disagreement with my conclusions.)
  • The series confirms this lesson in my mind. I, if not readers, am convinced that self-gratitude is the taproot of female happiness. Without it women can’t find enough gratitude in others to be important enough to themselves and thus jump on the road to happiness. For all you unhappy women, bless yourselves by claiming the blessings in this series as descriptive of you. Act on it and you can lift yourself out of the doldrums or misery that you face daily.

Goodbye, ladies, until the next article. But don’t ever forget this series. It’s bedrock for a happy female life.

 

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2087. Female Blessings at Birth — 88-90 Plus


We near the end of the blessings that women carry but may not use. The new project seeds are bolded at the end of each item. I cite her blessings as men might see them and add a man’s natural response.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F on each.

88. I’m grateful for the ability but I wish I understood better my own nature for earning happiness. [Guy adds: Specifically, she lacks understanding of the link between her motivation to earn and sustain self-importance and the requirement for self-gratitude that unlocks the door to earning happiness. More of one inflates the other, and more of both enhances her personality and roles in life. She is as good a person as both of them are high and it happens this way. She is important to herself to the extent that she confirms her gratitude for others. Gratefulness for others bounces back to her that she is important to them. Her life revolves around this closed loop: Self-importance comes from finding gratitude in her heart for others, which makes her display gratefulness for them, which they transform into feedback of her importance to them, and which closes the loop with her having a greater sense of self-importance. Thus, she depends on self-importance and self-gratitude to calm jittery nerves, squelch undeserved guilt, and convert anxiety to encouragement in others, which paves the road to her happiness. While she needs stimulation from outside herself, she is self-contained for processing life to the fullest for her and hers, but it all comes from keeping self-importance and self-gratitude inflated. The closed loop also describes the essence of femininity in action. Her blessing: She learns how to earn her way to happiness by finding gratitude in people and things. His admiration: It takes a wonderful and influential person to find so much to be grateful for in the face of all that men have to face. How can she do it. She’s amazing.]

89. Just as I am sex object to males, they are romance objects to me. [Guy adds: Life becomes simpler just by acknowledging that fact. Her blessing: She knows what she’s after and doesn’t mind being targeted to get it. His admiration: She has wily ways of using the former to get the latter.

90. My sense of neatness makes me feel good about myself. I use it to enhance my prettiness. [Guy adds: Along with modesty and vanity, neatness is a major ‘weapon’ in the female ‘arsenal’ for battling men. Her blessing: Neatness adds to her attractiveness and mental strength. His admiration: Neatness symbolizes dedication to herself. It shows that she has self-respect, self-discipline, and determination not to be easily pawed upon.

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

 

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2086. Female Blessings at Birth — 85-87 Plus


The new project seeds continue at the end of each blessing. They are bolded. I cite her blessing as men might see it and add a man’s natural response. Your comments help.

Blessing approval continues. Agree with these?

85. I am grateful to be ‘wired’ this way. When I sit to eat a meal prepared by me or someone else, my mind becomes occupied by more important things than enjoying the food. So I don’t overeat. [Special credit to Marianne S. for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Her mind flashes to other things on her agenda, such as how to 1) brighten the next upcoming event or opportunity. 2) Stimulate conversation that affirms the eaters or whoever fixed the meal. 3) Find gratitude in having family or friends gathered together for a short while. 4) Find pleasure with herself for bringing two or more together. 5) Discourage daughters from eating too much. 6) Jump up to serve others. 7) Enjoy herself for having prepared the food. 8) Enjoy that the males of her family are satisfying themselves with her food, company, or both. 9) Confirm to herself that tomorrow’s schedule will come off better than today’s. 10) And ad infinitum. Consequently, with her mind preoccupied on other than directly pleasing her own taste buds, she eats slowly and lightly and appreciates that it’s normal, that she is made that way. Moreover, preparing food adds to her sense of importance. Eating eagerly and satisfyingly to please her taste buds—as men do naturally—adds to her proportions unnaturally. She inherits at birth the excellent insight and primal urge to enjoy things other than eating at meal time. Thus, the overweight that she sees on herself is a sign of past disregard of her feminine nature, particularly disregard by trying to copy men or compensate for frustration, boredom, or depression by heavy eating. She’s born to be naturally compatible, and changing her bridal shape to something else is unnatural and does not add to husband’s gratitude for their togetherness. Her blessing: She tends to avoid and not become overweight. His admiration: Her convictions guide her well, and I love her more for remaining the woman I married.]

86. I put myself at disadvantage if I approach men of interest first. Something inside disturbs my mind, even though men say they are flattered and other women encourage it. [Special credit to Screamstyle for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Men don’t expect it and don’t respect women that do it. It smacks that she’s desperate, because it brings her out of the cocoon of uniqueness that men like and expect to see. Female desperation discourages his initiative and prevents the development of manly respect. Men expect women to be independent and uniquely self-sufficient, which a man’s nature expects to last until he proactively turns her interests toward him. If she approaches him, she takes away his opportunity to earn her attention, which means he doesn’t much respect whatever attention she gives him. Her approach also takes away his opportunity to admire the effects he expects to produce. Provided, that is, if he’s interested in her for more than sex. Her blessing: She has patience and respect for men to do the right thing correctly. His admiration: She has self-respect, self-discipline, determination, and high expectations and probably high standards. I shall have to try harder.]

87. I am grateful that my instinct leads me to this. The natural organization of relationships calls for ‘us’ to come before him, him to come before me, and we come before others. (I wish that men would learn that part about “us to come before him”. My setting the example doesn’t seem the least bit contagious.) [Guy adds: Men don’t think ‘us comes before him or her, only women think that way. Either she comes before him or he comes before her. (I disregard the unusual in-between balance just to compare the norm.) She comes first means that he’s very devoted to her. He comes first means that he conquered her without investing himself very deeply in the process of respecting her and therefore wanting to please her endearingly. Men don’t love as women do, and women defeat themselves by expecting it. Think of man and man’s best friend. The more he cares for and pleases his dog with both treats and challenges, the more devoted he becomes to the dog. It’s much the same principle in courtship. His actions program his heart. The more he pleases and presents challenges to a woman in ways that satisfy him, the deeper his devotion grows, the more endearingly he seeks to share himself. If a woman seeks to assess a man’s love of her, let her evaluate his dedication to each of these: 1) His respect for her as person and woman (the foundation). 2) His devotion that pleases her according to his tastes and wishes (his investment). 3) His satisfaction with the way she fills her various roles in their life together (his dependence on her). 4) How her presence enlarges his self-confidence including in bed and public (his return on investment). 5) How her presence lifts his spirits and settles his attitudes (reward for good husbanding). Her blessing: She knows how relationships work, she’s the expert. His admiration: She’s wonderful because he doesn’t have to do it.]

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

This is an old subject expressed a new way. The superior sex is the irresistible force pitted against the immovable object, the dominant sex. Men can be moved by one irresistible force: Indirect leadership built around attractiveness and natural blessings that empower women from birth. Men lack such influential abilities.

 

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2085 — Female Blessings at Birth — 82-84 Plus


The new project seeds continue at the end of each blessing. They are bolded. I cite her blessing as men might see it and add a man’s likely response. It’s my attempt at tying her actions to what men see in her. Your comments are needed to help clarify it anywhere and anyhow you see fit. If we argue about it, good, it helps clarify my effort.

How’s he going to like her as a woman if she doesn’t act more like a woman than a man? How better to act like that than by displaying and being guided by the unique traits and characteristics she is born with?

82. “I am grateful that I have the ability to activate my hard-headedness when I am all soft and mushy on the inside and have the ability to show my soft-heartedness when the world is so harsh and hard on the outside.” [Special credit to Cocoa for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Her soft-heartedness is designed to compensate at least and overcome at best the inborn hard-heartedness of men. Her blessing: She can be hard-headed as necessary and soft-hearted when appropriate. His admiration: She amazing; she knows when to fight and how to win battles.]

83. I am so grateful that I have the potential to find a great life as someone’s wife. First for being asked to marry and then for finding importance in family, belonging, emotional comfort, and joy of life among others. [Special credit to Surfercajun for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Exploiting her potential requires use of the blessings she acquires at birth. Her blessing: She has the ability to bring harmony into relationships. His admiration: How can she be so smooth and easy at settling differences and bringing order when emotional conflict is closer to normal?]

84. I am grateful that I possess the resourcefulness to create a beautiful and comfortable life without spending much money so I can lighten the burden on my husband. [Special credit to Amyr002 for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth. Guy adds: Frugal is as frugal does. Women know it instinctively and promote their self-importance with frugality. Her blessing: She’s as frugal as necessary and can even live well with very little. His admiration: She would do that for me?]

As before, mark each item T or F with whatever comment you wish to add.

To expand on yesterday’s closing thought, women aren’t here to serve or please men. The superior sex is here to serve and please women in such ways that men find them fascinating, irresistible, and promising as monogamous mates. Women play their cards right when they live within the blessings they inherit at birth. Out of that men learn that they can—with sufficient care and regard for the givers—be served and pleased by women. It’s called female leadership by indirectness. Both sexes get what they want and expect out of the other and it goes by this common term, compatibility.

 

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