2056. Submissive #10 — Nudging: Her Best Tool

I continue with submissive situations that make women more aware of what’s happening between the sexes. ‘Nudge’ means hint, planted seed, wordless suggestion, nod of conviction, and seemingly non-judgmental passing of a thought one spouse to the other.

29. It’s her nature in action. Seeking success in her nesting and family development, wife assumes whatever role she can and works from there. Where she can get her way without disturbing husband, she does. Where he resists her domestic hubris, she plays around it. For the most part, she anticipates well and plans to keep brightening their future together. [Guy adds: As natural as night and day, she uses her submissive spirit to subdue his primal urge to dominate. She does it and he reacts favorably. If not, she recovers and continues to smoothly and delicately reach for harmony in their relationship. Harmony begins when he starts humming her tune.]

30. It suggests a subordinate role, so women hate the term submission. When she argues the subject, however, it’s an offense that drives husband toward “We’ll see about that.” [Guy adds: Nevertheless, it’s very natural that it appear unequal on the surface. It exemplifies the notion that fairness rather than equality governs human relations both better and best. How can that be? If wife strives for equality, she lights the Olympic flame of competition and the games never end. However, she’s designed and prepared by her nature to live a winning life within a domestic structure of apparent inequality but actual fairness that she can generate mostly by herself.]

31. Submissiveness implies spirited support of husband’s role as half of the team that wife has put together. ‘Submission’ is just what men call it. The wise and skillful wife morphs all disagreements toward cooperative resolution. [Guy adds: Nothing works better than a little nudge here, a little nudge there and determining just what nudges will help promote her agenda tomorrow. As she plans nudges, her natural female patience expands within her heart. It’s amazing how feminine patience breeds more of itself. The greater her patience, the better her nudges produce the results she seeks. You’ve heard it many times on this blog, wife can’t change her husband as she plans or intends. That’s still true. But nudges are not the same. She isn’t trying to change him; she’s just fulfilling her agenda. Fulfilling her responsibility to generate eternal love to replace the romantic love that fades after a year or two. Nudges help bond him with her agenda.]

32. The wise wife anticipates decision time, lays groundwork to inject her interest in support of their agenda, and almost silently makes mutual their interests before decision time arrives. It only comes from a spirit of submissiveness that makes unnecessary her husband’s need to defend his dominant role. Wife has mastered the art when her skillful nudges keep them in cooperative rather than competitive roles. [Guy adds: Moreover, when she uses her talent and skill to gently get her way, she lacks both time and reason to fault him. As she ever-nudges successfully, she magnifies her worth in both her heart and his. How does she determine success? If he objects to her nudges, she isn’t nudging right or she’s judging, blaming, and implying to herself that he’s inadequate for her and calling it nudging.]

33. Wives misplay their hand when they take submission literally to mean bowing under, strict obedience, or fawning acceptance of husband’s authority. It is playing the man’s game, which she can’t win because she loses his respect or never gains more. [Guy adds: When she hears that women should submit as men and pastors claim it, she should giggle inside. She’s in control. If she hears it from husband, however, the giggle should fade into concluding that she’s doing something wrong. She needs better nudging, fewer recoveries, and more admiration of who he is in his world and what he does to her world.]

More coming soon about a wife’s eternal battle with her man’s expectations.

 

2010. Dressed to Kill—His Imagination That Is

PREFACE. Feminists endorsed and encouraged it. Women dress down for female convenience rather than dress up for attracting male attention. Doing so minimizes and neutralizes the male urge for sex and is supposed to help promote the death of patriarchy. Feminists and advocates even used shame via sexist and harassment claims. Didn’t work, did it. Male dominance worsens, because men have been made desperate to defend themselves against politics. They try harder and even fight back; they take it out on women who act more like enemies than friendlies. The natural and unconquerable male urge for sex has morphed into disrespect for female-friendly interests.

REALITY. The real world produces unintended consequences. Using politics to alter human nature, Feminism’s fallout continues. 1) It neutralizes masculine interest in one woman and spreads manly interest to all females. 2) Makes conquest more relevant and respectable to men than family responsibility. 3) Weakens unconditional respect for the opposite sex, both ways too. 4) Makes girls better conquest targets and trophies. 5) Makes the marital marketplace less friendly for female aging. 6) Destroys interest in lifetime togetherness for couples. 7) Demolishes the girlhood hopes and dreams of women.

A woman’s appearance sends messages that women can read but men decode subliminally. For example, these are common. Sloppy attire symbolizes the lack of admirable qualities, aka virtues. Low-care grooming symbolizes low self-respect, which precludes fascination. Dressed below what the occasion calls for can be read as self-worth of lesser value, aka low self-image, than that of the others present. Overdressed for an occasion can signal pretention, phoniness, or fashion ignorance. An overly erotic appearance signals cheapness. None discourages the masculine urge for conquest, but all of the above discourage manly interest in anything beyond first-sex together.

To be more specific, how does a woman’s skin-tight clothing influence men? Flab and flaws discourage or offend male eyeballs, turn off masculine curiosity, and reduce the interest of men looking for more than sex. Lack of perfection dulls his eye-viewing except for conquest. The thought arises that she appears desperate and will yield easily. In exchange for conquest he accepts that she will look worse unwrapped. So does he want her?

Einstein said, “Imagination is greater than knowledge.” However, without curiosity a man’s imagination doesn’t energize to penetrate beyond her surface appearance. His eyes reveal all the knowledge he needs. Skin-tight wrappings reveal that beneath it she’s careless, not neat, and probably desperate. An acceptable conquest but little else, perhaps nothing beyond it. Whatever his interest becomes, he forms it without knowing or even caring what she really looks like undressed. That’s the wrong way to teach a man to devote himself to one woman.

Her careful and neat dressing in loose but attractive clothing has another and very opposite effect. It opens his curiosity, fires his imagination about how she will look unwrapped beyond his apparent knowledge, and sparks his interest to find out more about her. Her not appearing desperate, he judges her as challenging.

Subsequently searching for her weaknesses that may help get her into bed, he learns of her admirable qualities (aka virtues). Over time they accumulate and hopefully transform her into a fascinating woman by his standards.

Non-judgmental is a popular but misleading buzzword and even worse for women. People could not survive much less live successfully without judging others. Female clothing and appearance invite or discourage masculine interest. Women shape their future when they shape their appearance to make themselves feel good about pleasing manly eyeballs. Skin-tight clothing has the effect opposite of what men find attractive for more than sex. Thus, skin-tight clothing defeats a man’s interest in spending enough time to uncover a woman’s fascination.

141. Loose lips at Heartbreak Hotel—4th floor

It’s a hex to talk about her ex.

Men conquer and even love other men’s castoffs. Castoffs, however, nullify their own value by talking about it with their new man.

Women come in three shades that apply to every man in a woman’s past:

·         Real castoff:  Her ex dumped her. He must be a fool, as newbie views him. Men understand a dumpee’s desire for silence, and she’s foolish if she talks about it. Her newbie will accept it much easier than he will non-judgmentally accept whatever she does say. If she explains or complains, she puts a hex on herself.

·         Fraud castoff:  She dumped her ex to avoid being dumped. She’s eager to describe how inadequate he was so as to lift guilt from herself. She initiates Newbie’s harshest judgments. The royal hex spins up as newbie sees her faults emerge that show she was much more culpable than claimed. She spun a hex out of fraud.  

·         Phony castoff:  They separated amicably, but she feels impelled to talk about it. Of course, her ex gets all the blame since her newbie accepts whatever she says as gospel. The hex will haunt as newbie finds out he accepted her explanations too eagerly. Her ex must have tolerated a lot, as newbie views it.

When a woman talks about her exes, she places a magnifying glass over each of her own shortcomings. Her man eventually views those self-magnified faults.

As her faults arise, newbie sees what her ex actually underwent; he agrees with an enthusiasm he would not have except for her self-serving descriptions. This prompts him to question everything she described about her ex or exes.

To the next man, she’s better off to forget her ego and claim honor as a guilty but silent dumpee. It sets more easily with newbie than hearing about her with some other dude—regardless of who did what to whom.

[More about Heartbreak Hotel can be found at posts 131, 128, and 127. Scroll down or search by the number.]