2253. Compatibility Axioms #811-820

811. Your failed marriage boils down to this: You chose the wrong man, tried to change him into Mr. Right, or changed yourself into a woman different than the one he married. [279]

812. Men must be taught to treat a woman according to her expectations. Men learn it fast, best, and long-term by being deprived of conquest. [274]

813. Repeated failure to conquer intensifies his drive to overcome her resistance. Determination spreads out of frustration. Prolonged frustration shifts his primary interest to her as woman worthy of him as her prerequisite of conquest. A conqueror doesn’t quit if the target is worthy of his best effort, which she both defines and expects. [274]

814. If you accept being embarrassed when with men or a man, you misuse and will lose one of your greatest strengths—female modesty. [279]

815. If you tolerate immoral behavior in a man, don’t expect his strength of character to help fulfill your feminine hopes and dreams.   [279]

816. You can expect disputes and should neutralize these sex differences when creating a home together: To you, décor and fashion take priority. To him, functionality makes much more sense. You must find harmony. [279]

817. You seek to be in charge of your future. Best bet calls for bonding with a man spiritually and devotedly before sexually. Why? Sex doesn’t bond men. Spirituality tames masculine aggressiveness and imposes family responsibility. Devotion to one woman seals his side of friendship and permanence.  [279]

818. You can focus on the big things that hold a couple together—love, friendship, commitment. However, you’ll do better to focus on avoiding, quieting, and suppressing the little unacceptable irritants, fixations, and offensive habits that slowly shred love into bits and pieces. [279]

819. Tell any man what he’s doing wrong in the sex department and expect unintended consequences. [281]

820. A man readily assumes that each woman appreciates his sexual performance, or something is wrong with her. [281]

2088. Female Blessings at Birth — 91-93 Plus

We have arrived at the last three of the blessings that women carry but may not use. The new blessing/admiration seeds are bolded at the end of each item. I cite her blessings as men might see them and add a man’s natural response.

Your comments help and I continue to seek your T or F on each.

91. The root of my pleasure in life is my female uniqueness out of which popularity and sexual assets support my self-worth. [Guy adds: Knowing that men will do whatever women require for men to have frequent and convenient access to sex, smarter women rank feminine uniqueness higher than pleasure, self-respect higher than popularity, and self-worth higher than sexual relations. Her blessing: She’s of great worth as mate to a man. His admiration: (Short of what she would like.) Highly unlikely to pin me down—until she proves that she’s worth it, that is.]

92. I am grateful that my girlhood dreams came directly out of my heart, which I embellished with deep romance and well-deserved masculine chivalry. [Guy adds: Thus, a woman develops her primary mission in life. To live a good life in fulfillment of her girlhood dream. Her blessing: She knows what she wants her life to become, the process of loving and living for her and others. His admiration: For my long-range dreams and ambitions, she fits okay into my life. I can do romantic, chivalrous, nice, pleasant, kind, courteous, trusting, loyal, and respectable for my mate. Ain’t no big deal. Were I like other guys with few dreams or ambitions, she’s better off than I am.]

93. I am grateful for my social conscience in addition to the moral one. By that I mean my ability to analyze myself. I ease my guilt by analyzing myself as to cause and cure. Sometimes it works. Other times it doesn’t. I often overdo it with unintended consequences. I can even sink into depression by overdoing it. I’m still grateful, because it enables me to ease most of the misery of everyday guilt. [Guy adds: As to right and wrong and blame and innocence, self-analysis is a mixed blessing. Used beneficially and she profits. Used unwittingly and she punishes herself. For instance, she does something wrong or just out of kilter; the results were just not what she expected. Guilt sets in. She has to do something. To figure that out she turns to self-analysis. What did I do wrong? Insult them? Speak out when I shouldn’t? Hurt their feelings? Unable to find out for sure, she imagines possible answers. The more analysis, the more possibilities. The more possibilities, the more worries. The more worries, the more distraught she becomes. She cranks herself into a tizzy of options none of which appear to be appropriate and so her guilt intensifies rather than lessens. She loses sleep. She ignores or forgets this. We all make mistakes and recovery is everything. Her ability to search herself for cause and cure enables plans for recovery and self-analysis can ease her guilt. But it’s not all blessing. It can cause self-induced discomfort more than comfort. Some use it in ways that paralyze. Others recede into depression. But the smarter ones use it to just recover from mistakes rather than trying to solve problems for others. The more successful women are those less bothered by endless guilt. Her blessing: She can admit her mistakes and take blame for relationship friction. She’s endowed with the ability to minimize damage to herself and reduce blame on others. His admiration: I can’t do that. If someone is wrong or makes mistakes, they deserve what they get. It includes me, although I admit to escaping without much self-analysis.]

Thus, the series ends but the new project doesn’t. I shall soon post the new project condensed version—aka her blessings vs. his admiration—probably in one page at shown in the menu at blog top.

Three closing thoughts:

• The item most declared false by readers was the first one that started, “I am a great kisser….” At post 2007 the score was: 11 True and 4 False)
• Out of 391 opinions cast, only 7% were False. In fact, none of the Fs, while legitimate conviction among readers, was sufficiently convincing to deny that it’s inherited at birth. I therefore presume it pretty accurate that all 92 are fairly good descriptions of the blessings. I’m sure there are more than 92 and my research continues. (I’d like to hear from anyone in serious disagreement with my conclusions.)
• The series confirms this lesson in my mind. I, if not readers, am convinced that self-gratitude is the taproot of female happiness. Without it women can’t find enough gratitude in others to be important enough to themselves and thus jump on the road to happiness. For all you unhappy women, bless yourselves by claiming the blessings in this series as descriptive of you. Act on it and you can lift yourself out of the doldrums or misery that you face daily.

Goodbye, ladies, until the next article. But don’t ever forget this series. It’s bedrock for a happy female life.

 

2083. Female Blessings at Birth — 76-78

I continue my attempt to identify and have readers confirm or deny 100 blessings that women inherit at birth. So far, I’m stuck at 92 of which the following are the latest for you to review, contest, argue, or otherwise disagree.

This is the 26th installment and I’m grateful for your responses. Especially those that signify your agreement or disagreement, T or F. Comments of contradiction work best to help clarify each blessing.

76. I am grateful that I can read men but I often doubt myself. I need to do better for my own protection. My heart tells me that protection of my sexual assets adds to my personal importance, female uniqueness, and worth as mating partner. [Guy adds: It’s ironic. Victimized by rape terrifies women both for the violence and being ‘ruined for life’. Yet, to a man, a rape victim deserves more respect than a woman that gives it away to someone other than him.]

77. I am grateful that I love to smile and enjoy finding reasons to do so. It brightens the day for me and those around me. It encourages others, charms men into being pleasant and/or funny, and makes me even prettier. [Guy adds: Special credit to Catherine for her contribution identifying this female blessing that comes with birth.]

78. I’m grateful although I find it hard to live with. Deep in my heart I recognize that I can’t change anyone else. I keep trying but produce unintended consequences. [Guy adds: When you change yourself, however, it has an effect on others and they often modify their behavior in response. You can’t count on it, but you’re usually better off whether they respond better to you or not. Actions that reveal you as different can also cure many things, such as fear, doubt, and relationship mistakes.]

Example for your response: “78-F ” works okay to reflect your opinion of false to that one item. Also, comments are welcome and desired, especially if you take exception to anything or everything.

 

2081. Love: You Can Do Better At It

“Love is the morning and evening star.” Or so Burt Lancaster preached in Elmer Gantry.

Women love to hear love described in endearing terms with magical qualities. But dreams of devotion to the well-being of someone seem to produce too much modern-day weakening of mutual love. Unintended consequences too often seem to follow a woman’s or mom’s best and most lovable efforts. Within both couples and families, loving relationships crumble too easily. Females continue to lose their ability to tame the male beast, socialize men into domestic prospects, and complete their domestication within the family unit. The main cause follows.

The receiver of love expects to see three ingredients that the giver usually doesn’t consider—respect, trust, and like females for who they are; and respect, trust, and like males for what they do. As those are not felt on the receiving end of a woman’s love, it weakens her importance to objects of her love.

When women feel less important to those around them, they try harder. However, she focuses on making herself important, which doesn’t work. Frustrated, she tries harder but it doesn’t work. Seeking to be important causes her to slide into ever less importance to those around her. It’s selfishness personified to try to convince someone of your importance to them.

Her problem: She loves as she’d like to be loved, which means loved for who she is. She loves without thinking or knowing HOW to show love that is appreciated by love objects.

There is a missing link in the closed loop of mutual love. The primary giver has to set the example and women and moms are the primary givers. The missing link is gratitude and successfully showing love work like this.

She finds gratitude for the respectability, trustfulness, and likeability of those she loves. Regardless of age, even with toddlers. With such gratitude guiding her heart, her expressions of love signal that the loved ones are respected, trusted, and liked. That makes them grateful and their feedback conveys that she’s important to them, which emphasizes her sense of self-importance, which enhances her ability to find more gratitude and thus have her love more appreciated.

Thus, gratefulness for all things, which is the road to happiness, empowers her love in ways that expand her importance. The more important she appears on the radar of her loved ones, the more it confirms their self-respect, -confidence, and -worth, which makes them more grateful for her, which adds further to her self-importance, which intensifies her ability to love more believably.

 

1919. Compatibility Axioms #131-140

131. The rooster can’t crow boastfully, when he has to play second fiddle in the hen house. [75]

132. Men and women are so different hormonally and psychologically that couples succeed because of sex differences more than sameness. [75]

133. Guilt powerfully motivates women, but men not nearly as much. Laying guilt on a man produces unintended consequences, usually bad for a woman. [89]

134. Happiness flows from one’s gratitude. The unhappy wife has not used her mind to embed enough gratefulness into her heart. It’s not so much what she’s grateful for, it’s that she find or create gratitude in ever broadening ways for ever more important things. [89]

135. Any female eagerness to hook up, couple up, or shack up shifts game rules toward the masculine side of life and severely weakens the woman’s influence for shaping their future together. [89]

136. Enduring love that lasts for a woman’s life is primarily built around her gratefulness for whomever and whatever fulfills her need for a stable future. [89]

137. Female promiscuity now floods the social marketplace. Social damage flows from the de-civilizing effect it has on males, which breeds male aggression, family irresponsibility, and violence against women and children. [89]

138. Feminine charm that commands masculine respect flows out of natural femaleness such as feminine mystique, female modesty, unconditional faithfulness, need of religion, pleas for morality, and an uplifting spirit for both life and people. All of which are foreign to the male nature and self-interest except as they learn differently from females in their lives. [89]

139. Feminine mystique is whatever a woman does that stimulates curiosity and keeps a man guessing, defensive, and unsure of her values and intentions about his role in her life. [89]

140. Girls appearing and acting as sluts lather grief all across their father’s pride and sink his significance as a parent. A man’s greatest fear is insignificance. If daughter kills it, he may take it out on her mother or seek admiration elsewhere. [89]

1230. Devotion: Keeping It

Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1822.

846. Gender Differences Revisited — Group W

♂♀ Women associate, cooperate, and encourage each other. Men associate and compete with each other; they encourage themselves personally.

♂♀ Women need encouragement and men need support from their spouse.

♂♀ A man primarily and naturally focuses on the threats and opportunities in the world. A woman naturally focuses on the threats and opportunities for attachments, security, and shaping human life, which focuses her interests primarily in the home.  

♂♀ When women think and act like men, they over eat. When men think and act like women, they under eat.

♂♀ He infers from her mystery far more and better than she convinces him with words and promises. She doesn’t trust his mystery.

♂♀ A woman wants her man’s faithfulness and trusts him more readily than she suspects him. A man wants proof of her faithfulness and suspects her more easily than he trusts her.

♂♀ When split up comes, women feel more guilty than men. Later, they also feel more responsible than men.

♂♀ Laying guilt on a woman motivates her to make things right. Laying guilt on a man produces unintended consequences.

738. WADWMUFGAO

The abbreviated title won’t become popular, but that’s okay. It serves here to represent We All Do Whatever Makes Us Feel Good About Ourselves. Sometimes it costs us, as with these examples:

• Anytime women provide knowledge about their sexual willingness outside of marriage, they become disadvantaged to capture whatever they’re after except for sexual union.
• Egotism reflects out of low self-esteem. Brought on by difficulty making Self feel good about Self, egotists use other people to inflate their sense of worth.
• People memorize and use trivia to obstruct others from upstaging the trivia-master on broad or deeper matters. It helps change the subject or regain control when conversations make the trivia-master uncomfortable.
• Parents and teachers try to improve the self-esteem of children by indulgences that make the adults feel good about their selves. They mistake self-esteem for self-image, and do the wrong things.
• How uplifting are tattoos? After a few days the uplift goes away, as does one’s attention to a new picture hanging in the home. If done for fashion, fashions change, so what follows? No tattoos? If done to make a statement, time makes statements obsolete.
• How inadequate a man’s self-image, if he resorts to tattoos to perceive himself better off? How low, disrespectful, or perhaps self-hating is a woman’s self-esteem, if she tattoos her body?

It’s our nature: WADWMUFGAO. It often explains how we produce mistakes, regrets, or unintended consequences.