1647. Girls New to Campus Life — Responding to Hits

Simplicity Evermore garners much glory in yesterday’s post 1646. Her description of typical college males confirms that they should be referred to as boys rather than men. She describes conditions that girls can expect. I continue with suggestions of how girls can act and react. Specifically today, I suggest how to handle obvious invitations for sex, i.e., being hit on by college boys.

Basically, a college girl’s personality makes her a mystery. She can parlay it by displaying her natural, cautious, timid, feminine, restrained, and friendly self—except when guys hit on her. Then, she should turn on faux charm, smile pleasantly, and take charge of the situation with retorts that set boys back on their heels. Make them play defense and she can figure out quickly what they are about or, if she likes, dismiss them as pleasantly as she can.

Treat all boys alike from handsomest hunk to creepy nerd, that is, politely, pleasantly, smilingly, but uninterested in more than knowing they exist. If she deserves a boy’s attention, he deserves her smile. But keep them guessing when they hit on her. Put them on defense. Make each boy win his way first into her attention and then into her consideration of his seriousness and intention.

Don’t initiate conversations with guys. Let them find and want to know her. Eager to know or accept a man’s thoughts means desperate in male eyes. Never act eager to either know or listen to boys until she knows them well.

Treat campus boys similar to post 1628 re online dating. Present them with mystery to stir masculine curiosity, which makes them spend time figuring her out. Also, present them with challenges to either discourage them or magnify their interest in her. Have some very pointed retorts on the tip of her tongue.

You ask, What retorts? I, a man, coined those below. I recognize they are ‘extreme’ for females, especially shy and demure young ladies. However, college girls and young women are in a real, socially tough, and male-dominated world. They need to adjust accordingly so they win instead of lose. To win means that she is treated with more respect than other college females. To lose means that disrespect shows in the way boys treat her.

If and when everything fails her or she’s had enough, she can win by going silent, staring quietly but not vengefully or malevolently into his eyes, and then walking away unconcerned with what just happened. Ignored as he throws insults at her retreating backside, witnesses see him as unrespectable.

As soon as a guy’s initiative seems more like a hit than polite introduction or innocent conversation, she should have a bunch of responses practiced at the mirror to facilitate memorizing and using them. I don’t know how women determine their responses, but I advocate shock and awe to put guys in their place of respectable behavior around women they don’t yet know. I imagine responses like the following, but then they come from a man and women can only use the spirit. Do it all in fun, smilingly, pleasantly, and dump his converted hit back into his lap. She might smilingly respond with something from these examples and then turn and walk away. (Her smile signals that she’s in control to both him and herself.)

• You forgot the more important four-letter word, d-a-t-e. That means you can’t qualify for anything with me.
• I am offended by your compliment. Your mother probably thinks you know the difference.
• Thanks for the compliment. What comes next? Will your encore treat me as a lady or something else?
• Sorry, but I prefer dating to hanging out. Any guy can hang out but handsome men know how to date a lady. Yes, even in college.
• I promised daddy I would take my brother along on every invitation that sounds suspicious or too good to be true. You wish to continue?
• Daddy said to call him for every invitation that was not for a date. Do you have time to call him now? (Of course I still listen to daddy. He has never steered me wrong, but you don’t sound like him.)
• Daddy said there are two types of hits on a woman. Impolite ones that respond best to a knuckle sandwich, as he called it. And disrespectful ones that deserve to be answered by his 12-gauge. Sure wish he could see you now.
• I have a concealed-carry license but my automatic is at a friend’s house. Mind taking me by there to pick it up? (He says, Do you shoot it? and she says, I’ll answer when I know you better.)
• I have this policy. I’m ready to listen to what you have to say after we leave church services. Want to pick me up next Sunday at 10 o’clock? If it works, I’ll go to your church the following Sunday. Such an exchange of church visits should be quite nice, don’t you think?
• Daddy always said there would be boys like you. He taught me how to tell the difference. (He responds, Difference in what? She says, Why, the difference between handsome and ‘uglified’ men, of course.)
• Daddy said I should carry insurance against bad dates. Will you pay the premium? (He says, How much is it? She says: First date is church and a nice lunch afterward.)

As I said earlier, those bullets are ideas imagined as capable of upsetting a guy’s attack without her turning nasty and unattractive to witnesses and especially herself. College bound girls with parental assistance can ‘feminize’ those bullets into something more personable and usable on and off campus.

I close with a vital thought. Simplicity Evermore made this point. “Equality is another term for popularity.” Pursuing equality with boys or popularity with girls or boys puts a college girl at huge personal disadvantage. It curdles her sense of self-importance without her being aware, which pushes her to do some or many things wrong for her mental well-being.

Keeping control of hit-on situations works wonders for a gal’s self-respect. And self-respect is the foundation of self-confidence and self-restraint, which are the foundation of her self-importance. In the final analysis, being hit on is both compliment and opportunity to prove her self-importance.

1471. Sex Differences — LOVE: How It Works

Confused about how the sexes differ, women worry behind a veil of unresolved anxiety, endless frustration, and multiple fears. Men can take love or leave it. We know that women differ.

Love fascinates women; they do little more than survive without loving one or more people throughout their lives. Loving animate things may substitute, as with replaceable pets. Loving inanimate things doesn’t truly substitute, as with work and careers that end before life does.

A woman’s love is founded on her sense of importance that flows out of the care and well-being of her birth children primarily and others secondarily. Regarding the others, she loves one the most that helps best to promote her mission in life, which is living itself. That is, the person that best enables her to fulfill her need for a brighter future; empowers her to nest, nurture, and nestle with loved ones; satisfies her wants for assistance, security, comfort, and companionship; and squelches any fears she may have about being abandoned.

Those things aren’t what women get. They’re what womanly hopes and dreams are all about.

A man’s love is founded on his respect for a woman consistent with her self-respect. His good fortune sustains his love. That is, admiration of himself for what she means to him by being who she is in the altogether—personally, attractively, sexually and as woman, wife, mate, and generator of envy among his male competitors.

A woman keeps her man by primarily maintaining and even enhancing her self-respect. Secondarily she appeals to his masculine urge to admire himself for his good fortune to have captured someone so admirable in her own right.

779. Respectable Respect — Part A

Emerson said “The world turns on hope,” which speaks to what motivates people, what makes them run. However, respect determines how well the world turns, how effectively social intercourse satisfies those involved, which speaks to what people get out of life among other people.

• In the world of couples, setting sex aside for the moment, she has to show him respect before he’ll have respect for her. It’s not her, it’s his nature.
• A woman doesn’t like herself very much until she pays the price of fixing herself up to meet her own expectations as the standard. Without doing so, she reflects a lack of self-respect.
• Fix up makes her prettier, which builds self-respect. More mirror-time generates more prettiness and more self-respect, and neither can be too much for men.
• More self-respect means she’s more easily loved by a man, because his love is founded on respect for her.
• If wife will not shine herself up in the a.m., she shouldn’t expect husband to be eager to see her in the p.m.

A woman’s self-respect declines or dies if she doesn’t have standards and live up to them. Without practice doing it in girlhood, singles and married women have trouble accepting men and living with a man. It’s not so much the guys as her weakness in self-discipline trained to override her emotions.

More bullets tomorrow.

700. Wife’s Dependency — Section 5

I close this series with two posts and two patterns. This first one points to things that build compatibility. Tomorrow the second one points to the opposite.

These tradeoffs worked well to build compatibility over the past couple centuries:

♦       She depends on him for producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving, which confirm his importance and value to her. She acts and talks her reliance on him, especially in front of others because it reinforces her own thinking and, consequently, her feelings.  

♦       He shows her deference in respectful ways that enable her to build admirable status and stature to confirm and lift her self-respect.

♦       He gives what she needs and doesn’t block her potential to earn high status and stature in home and community. In return she exploits it with graciousness that generates more feminine and ladylike behavior, which generates more status and stature, which generates more respect and love from him.

♦       Her ladylike behavior also makes her appear more independent of male domination, without reflecting adversely on him. She makes him feel fortunate for her, and so he looks good to others—especially male competitors.

♦       Enraptured with her femaleness her feminine side shines. She’s busy being her self-respecting self and brightening her future by generating his dependency on her. She contributes so much to family and home that dependence on him becomes virtually a right.

Tomorrow the flip side of this coin.

553. Femmy Secrets for Harmony — # 2

Certain behaviors produce female advantage and prevent relationship reflux.

• Nurturing works well and best with kids under about age six. For others and especially husband, the relationship kingpin harmonizes family by using other skills.
• She insists on generating higher levels of morality, because it primarily serves women and children.
• She intuitively senses that gratitude for him—at no expense to her self-respect—must come first to elicit his full appreciation of her.
• In courtship and the early marriage years especially, the absence of husband’s compliments about her appearance may mean she appears common or worse. He married neither.
• Not regularly reminding and capturing his attention with her appearance frees up his hunting eyes to focus on targets more appealing. 
• She fishes for husband’s compliments about her appearance. It keeps her paying attention to how she looks and strengthens his habit of appreciating her.
• She takes her husband’s name as token of thankfulness for giving up his freedom. Other men respect him for taking the plunge with a traditional female.
• She respects, charms, and captivates men without generating jealousy in her own man. It’s a delicate balance best learned in her adolescent years. So long as he doesn’t fear it or get jealous, he loves for other men to appreciate his woman, which means they admire him. (His competitive spirit, remember?) 

508. Response to Viewer — Item 05

Easybreezy asked when she should tell a guy that she’s ‘saving herself for marriage’. No right answer exists, but an ideal one may.

It’s best if he doesn’t have to be told but discovers it with marriage, but that’s virtually impossible nowadays. If he has to be told, the following might be ideal. Use the issue to confirm his devotion instead of just commitment.

First, you mutually commit to marriage. Then, if you’re sure he’s not just saying it to conquer you, telling him may be okay. But that’s an imprecise judgment call.

So, how about a more precise test? Tell him between his words “Will you marry me” and your accepting the ring. Full disclosure at this time will ease doubts about whether he’s after SEX or YOU. Of course it’s risky and maybe hazardous, but then what isn’t about courtship brought to a head or getting him to accept your standards and expectations.

I favor making it none of his business; your actions show that having sex is not on the premarital agenda.* The following pressures favor delay, delay, delay.

·        When you say “I’m saving myself” in the modern world, you’re effectively saying “You’re not good enough.” You attack his significance. It’s a demotivator for all but the guy that cherishes you beyond all else.

·        Not yielding and not explaining brings out the best and worst in him. You learn to ‘read’ and better predict his true interests regarding you.

·        Delay after delay gains more time to condition his thinking about you and what you bring to him and marriage. More time for his curiosity to stimulate his imagination about the promises of marital sex. (I quoted him before: Einstein said “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”)

·        If you successfully save yourself, he will know he earned the greatest reward you have to give from a woman he admires and respects for her having kept the issue private even with him. No better sign exists of your self-respect.

None of this is foolproof, but it seems ideal to this man.

* Following Easybreezy’s comments on post 504, Her Highness Stacy and Princess Reina add lots of high quality perspective and practicality.

464. Boob language — Part 16

♦       Men are not into new fashions. Except for possible conquest, they merely avoid styles older or beneath their individual standard.

♦       Except for heels rounded for easy conquests, female grooming and packaging works best to capture and hold a new man’s attention.

♦       Modest, unsexy, but classy apparel reflects self-respect. Appearance stimulates a man’s curiosity, but her self-respect makes him unsure and cautious. This ignites his imagination to discover her possible value to him.

♦       Habitually well-groomed, neatly attired, and highly attractive females generate more opportunities to pick and choose. They also avoid many guys’ first impression turn offs.

♦       The well-dressed and meticulously groomed woman makes her boyfriend or husband look good.

♦       When thin ain’t in. Before Feminism all females had a better chance of landing a husband. Customs dominated by Womanhood made physical features far less important than marriage. Women emphasized femininity by dressing modestly and attractively 24/7, which males just happened to view regularly. The custom deemphasized body shape and other features. Outer appearance hid or disguised distinguishing features so as to emphasize inner character. Marriage was in, divorce was not.