Simplicity Evermore garners much glory in yesterday’s post 1646. Her description of typical college males confirms that they should be referred to as boys rather than men. She describes conditions that girls can expect. I continue with suggestions of how girls can act and react. Specifically today, I suggest how to handle obvious invitations for sex, i.e., being hit on by college boys.
Basically, a college girl’s personality makes her a mystery. She can parlay it by displaying her natural, cautious, timid, feminine, restrained, and friendly self—except when guys hit on her. Then, she should turn on faux charm, smile pleasantly, and take charge of the situation with retorts that set boys back on their heels. Make them play defense and she can figure out quickly what they are about or, if she likes, dismiss them as pleasantly as she can.
Treat all boys alike from handsomest hunk to creepy nerd, that is, politely, pleasantly, smilingly, but uninterested in more than knowing they exist. If she deserves a boy’s attention, he deserves her smile. But keep them guessing when they hit on her. Put them on defense. Make each boy win his way first into her attention and then into her consideration of his seriousness and intention.
Don’t initiate conversations with guys. Let them find and want to know her. Eager to know or accept a man’s thoughts means desperate in male eyes. Never act eager to either know or listen to boys until she knows them well.
Treat campus boys similar to post 1628 re online dating. Present them with mystery to stir masculine curiosity, which makes them spend time figuring her out. Also, present them with challenges to either discourage them or magnify their interest in her. Have some very pointed retorts on the tip of her tongue.
You ask, What retorts? I, a man, coined those below. I recognize they are ‘extreme’ for females, especially shy and demure young ladies. However, college girls and young women are in a real, socially tough, and male-dominated world. They need to adjust accordingly so they win instead of lose. To win means that she is treated with more respect than other college females. To lose means that disrespect shows in the way boys treat her.
If and when everything fails her or she’s had enough, she can win by going silent, staring quietly but not vengefully or malevolently into his eyes, and then walking away unconcerned with what just happened. Ignored as he throws insults at her retreating backside, witnesses see him as unrespectable.
As soon as a guy’s initiative seems more like a hit than polite introduction or innocent conversation, she should have a bunch of responses practiced at the mirror to facilitate memorizing and using them. I don’t know how women determine their responses, but I advocate shock and awe to put guys in their place of respectable behavior around women they don’t yet know. I imagine responses like the following, but then they come from a man and women can only use the spirit. Do it all in fun, smilingly, pleasantly, and dump his converted hit back into his lap. She might smilingly respond with something from these examples and then turn and walk away. (Her smile signals that she’s in control to both him and herself.)
- You forgot the more important four-letter word, d-a-t-e. That means you can’t qualify for anything with me.
- I am offended by your compliment. Your mother probably thinks you know the difference.
- Thanks for the compliment. What comes next? Will your encore treat me as a lady or something else?
- Sorry, but I prefer dating to hanging out. Any guy can hang out but handsome men know how to date a lady. Yes, even in college.
- I promised daddy I would take my brother along on every invitation that sounds suspicious or too good to be true. You wish to continue?
- Daddy said to call him for every invitation that was not for a date. Do you have time to call him now? (Of course I still listen to daddy. He has never steered me wrong, but you don’t sound like him.)
- Daddy said there are two types of hits on a woman. Impolite ones that respond best to a knuckle sandwich, as he called it. And disrespectful ones that deserve to be answered by his 12-gauge. Sure wish he could see you now.
- I have a concealed-carry license but my automatic is at a friend’s house. Mind taking me by there to pick it up? (He says, Do you shoot it? and she says, I’ll answer when I know you better.)
- I have this policy. I’m ready to listen to what you have to say after we leave church services. Want to pick me up next Sunday at 10 o’clock? If it works, I’ll go to your church the following Sunday. Such an exchange of church visits should be quite nice, don’t you think?
- Daddy always said there would be boys like you. He taught me how to tell the difference. (He responds, Difference in what? She says, Why, the difference between handsome and ‘uglified’ men, of course.)
- Daddy said I should carry insurance against bad dates. Will you pay the premium? (He says, How much is it? She says: First date is church and a nice lunch afterward.)
As I said earlier, those bullets are ideas imagined as capable of upsetting a guy’s attack without her turning nasty and unattractive to witnesses and especially herself. College bound girls with parental assistance can ‘feminize’ those bullets into something more personable and usable on and off campus.
I close with a vital thought. Simplicity Evermore made this point. “Equality is another term for popularity.” Pursuing equality with boys or popularity with girls or boys puts a college girl at huge personal disadvantage. It curdles her sense of self-importance without her being aware, which pushes her to do some or many things wrong for her mental well-being.
Keeping control of hit-on situations works wonders for a gal’s self-respect. And self-respect is the foundation of self-confidence and self-restraint, which are the foundation of her self-importance. In the final analysis, being hit on is both compliment and opportunity to prove her self-importance.