Tag Archives: Judeo-Christian culture

2755. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 06 Kill the Blame


Our Judeo-Christian culture degenerates as feminist-inspired lack of respect for the opposite sex spreads the use of blame to change manly behavior. Both sexes claim that relationship problems are the fault of the other side. Everyday pressures seem to make wives almost eager to find blame with husbands. It’s become habitual and perhaps epidemic in relationships.

Blame is so offensive and treacherous that it offers no escape. Hidden barbs continue to irritate the relationship skin long after peace has apparently been restored.

It’s not that men always or that all men resent blame, but women should expect it in order to know how to best deal with their man. The long-range objective is marital success, no separation now or ever. The immediate objective should be to avoid blame. Find some other way to lead her man to what she finds acceptable.

Men view their wife’s dissatisfactions this way. If he can do something about it, he will try. If not, why dump it on him? If neither she nor he can handle it, they can get someone else. What’s the big deal that warrants her blaming him?

 The Scene. Within a couple’s life, compatibility is essential, cooperation is both her incentive and overpowering talent, and collaboration and his alliance should be her goal. OTOH competition with her man is her enemy, because it’s the root of blame and with which men refuse to live.

Men do not willingly compete with their woman. They rely on dominance to get their way, when they have to have it. They fear the indignity of losing to a physically weaker person, and so they avoid or end competition to favor themselves.

Women seem to think that because men often resemble little boys in their behavior, they should be treated as little boys and they will behave better. Wifely frustrations often inspire women to raise their voices, get in their man’s face, and proclaim or preach female insistence about things. They want their way, and they want it now. Their anger fades after they unload on him, but the damage is done at his end. She considers him inadequate, insignificant, or worse or so it seems to him. In response, her likeability deteriorates and her loyalty becomes suspect.

Sometimes quietly and sometimes not so quietly, men resent, resist, and often retaliate. His woman’s blame deals a blow to a man’s sense of significance, which energizes his greatest offense to prove her wrong if only by claiming it if he can’t prove it.

It’s her right to defend her territory as she sees fit, and pop culture and media programs exemplify it. The matriarchal push of Feminism causes women to broadcast their rights and privileges into the ever-resentful faces of men. Having the right to do it, however, doesn’t mean its right to do it. But women learn that point after their man leaves them.

The subject is blame. If women use it, their man will use it against them and include every intent to win and restore his sense of dignity, responsibility, and personal significance.

Foreground. Couples don’t think about it as clearly or directly as this. Husband expects to be responsible to see that their marriage hangs together, but she’s in charge of the details. Wife expects to see that all goes well and successfully in their relationship, home, and family, but he’s responsible to provide what she needs or lacks.

Many hidden agendas are wrapped up in the current scene, and blame is both the easiest and worst outlet for failure to work together. Why don’t they work together? Because competition stifles cooperation and collaboration and opens the door to blame.

The good wife avoids competition with husband; she pushes for cooperation until they collaborate jointly and successfully. She avoids competition knowing full well that it’s the starting point of blame.

What causes them to compete? Each mate is inborn with desire to get their way with others, and they often lack mutual respect for the other’s person and role. The most prominent causes are these: 1) One mate doesn’t respect, trust, or dislikes what the other does, and so they over supervise and tell the other HOW to do what they do. Competition highlights such encounters. 2) Each trying to get their way stirs competition. Ignoring her ability to be patient, wife is unable to yield to his decisions in the present, so that she can prevail in the future.

Competition squeezes out cooperation and prevents collaboration, which far too easily becomes habitual. Bad habits over time defeat marital success.

In action. When things go astray or wrong with husband, wives tend to favor two approaches.

  1. She blames him to the full extent of his wrongdoing with the mistaken expectation that he will correct himself and not do it again; that he will try harder to meet her expectations in the future.
  2. She may even seek to punish him, as if he’s a little boy. It insults him, and she can expect resistance, retaliation, or worse.

She may get her way, but it’s not likely their compatibility will improve when wife takes either approach. Neither is it likely he will change to meet her future expectations.

Blaming him increases competitive pressure, deposits irritants amidst their mutual likeability, and weakens compatibility, all at the same time. Blame is poison to a man, especially coming from his woman. Blame makes him want to do the opposite of what she hopes to achieve. (It’s not an alibi, it’s his competitive nature to fight back and dominant urge to win against physically weaker foes.)

Moreover, here’s some husband-think. He knows she has the ability to register dissatisfaction with him in a more agreeable way. She ought to use her considerate kindness; it’s a virtue that helped promote interest in her as his wife. If forgetfulness isn’t in her hand of cards, where is his payday when he needs it?

Moreover, she’s endowed with magnificent powers of forgiveness, if her man deserves special consideration for all else that he does. She can downgrade his offense or forgive his wrongdoing and compensate herself by finding and claiming gratitude that credits hubby for keeping her satisfied with their relationship. Not the easiest strategy by far, but the most agreeable for her long range interests. Forgiveness being a female strength, why not use it to keep the relationship she has worked so hard to cultivate?

The forgiveness part is easiest for her, but his main interest is that she forget it. He doesn’t feel forgiven unless it’s forgotten, because she can use it against him sometime in the future. He made a mistake and will do better, provided she can forget it. It’s a concession men are usually willing to make; he’ll do better if she will forget it this time.

Overlooking his wrongdoing and giving hubby credit for his presence and achievements reinforces their compatibility and enhances prospects for marital success. Blame offends him, but allowing him to skate relatively free confirms that all is okay with her, he must be okay too, and so their marriage is okay. Nothing to use against him in the future.

Thus, acceptance of his flaws strengthens their compatibility. Forgiveness strengthens her heart for handling those who need to find merit in themselves and to more assertively please her. And her ability to forget calms his fears about the next time he needs her forgiveness.

If she’s unsatisfied with him, blame or threats are her worst strategies. It puts them in competition, invites future battles over other matters, and men don’t lose battles to their woman.

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2750. Essentials of Successful Marriage — 03 Her Battle of the Sexes


At post 2749 I described the War of the Sexes as each woman individually and independently up against all men, competing to see who gets their way. They are blessed by nature to succeed in that arrangement. Men go where the women are, so it’s up to each woman to play her cards independently to her own advantage.

Perhaps contrary to popular thought, the Battle of the Sexes is not about male gender versus female gender, dominance vs. submissive, equality vs. fairness, husband vs. wife, responsibility vs. irresponsibility. It’s easy to believe those competitive connections to be normal. However, God didn’t design us, Nature and genetics don’t endow us, and hormones don’t energize us that way.*

The Battle of the Sexes is one on one, begins with first encounter, and she commands the battleground. One woman willing to yield her independence under the right conditions versus one man willing to suppress his dominant nature long enough to conquer her. She inherits the burden to convince him that she’s much more endearing to him personally and more valuable for his life than are his hopes of conquest.

Both are born to get their way with the other, eternal competition that only a relationship expert can manage well. He’s a conqueror seeking conquest without obligation. She’s a conqueror seeking marriage before conquest. It’s the only way she can be sure of what he is truly after, either sex or her.

With a lasso made of her beauty, mystery, modesty, monogamous spirit, and his desire to conquer, he places it around his neck. One woman cuts out that man from the herd; leads him into her corral; breaks him of bucking; and does it with vim, vigor, and vitality. Before he can get her into bed the first time, she coaches and persuades him to learn how it pleases him to be both tamed and harnessed with her as good woman. By committing to how she trains him, he finally achieves conquest and enjoys the frequent and convenient sex won by pulling her buggy through life together.

The Battle of the Sexes expands with them as a couple. They court until both are convinced they are made for each other. He makes his move with a proposal of marriage, if and when he’s convinced living with her will satisfy him more than the way he presently lives.

With all his warts and sins, she is more the challenge than he. Example: As soon as she blames him for being like all men, she hardens his resistence to her influence, which means she weakens her ability to win the battle of capturing him. It’s a contradiction she has to work out successfully in the corral of their life together, and she has more than enough ability. The time and way to start is the tough part. (Discussed more deeply in future articles.)

The Battle of the Sexes is continuous in time, daily in events, and one woman pitted against whatever man she currently faces in whatever role he fills—first encounter, friend, foe, husband, boyfriend, business associate, FWB, or whatever. It’s each woman’s personal battle, and she has no one but herself to win it. IOW, yes, it’s all up to her how well she does in both the war and her battles to get her way in life with one man.

She has to rely on herself alone. As soon as she seeks help through the aegis and protection of other women banding together or blaming all men for her man’s faults, the man she faces assumes the aura of dominance in her eyes, which weakens her position. She then takes the easy road, allows for the expected dominant pressures, and yields sex or other matters without a battle of wits. In the process, he more easily refuses to cooperate or help her win their one-on-one battle.

By disregarding dominance as having a role in her relationships, each individual female more easily cuts out one horse to put in her corral. The battle then is that one female tames one male to be civilized up to female expectations to facilitate the raising of children. Each individual woman does that to her man, and she leaves other men and women out of her life to do the same for themselves.

Tomorrow: His Battle of the Sexes

——

* It appears that way because modern culture says we can’t live with the sexes being different. The political class for reasons hidden from the public for over half a century ridicule men and criticize male traits and behaviors. They blame men for female problems, which makes enemies of men, which makes women desperate to have a man, which encourages them to act more like men in order to have one of their own. IOW, if women can’t make men stand up to feminist exaggerations, copy their ambitions and lie down with them.

The professed political object centralizes power to weaken patriarchy, but the result is political makeover of America. Once, our Judeo-Christian culture was primarily female friendly. Nowadays, it’s male friendlier and getting more so.

 

 

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Blog 2625 — Sociological Perspective


Blog 2625 — Sociological Perspective

Did you ever connect these dots? They span two thousand years!

  • Western civilization arose out of the New Testament on the legs of Christian love.
  • Western prosperity arose out of Christ’s teachings that love is the solution for hatred and the way toward a better life.
  • Men don’t need and even reject using love for decisions in their competitive world. Teachings of Western churches have never been very effective convincing men that love should flood the marketplace of masculinized business ideas.
  • Yet, Western prosperity developed and was sustained with men obviously in control.
  • Loaded with self-love at birth, women were enabled to spread love to others. When used solely to female advantage, love became an admired virtue and internal strength.
  • Armed with Christ’s legitimacy of love, women indirectly injected love into the workplace, and it enabled prosperity to morph toward female-friendly.
  • Both sexes are born to get their way with the other. Women learned to rely on indirect methods to get their way while facing male dominance.
  • Male dominance expanded with this remorseful slant, it’s dominance without respect for the dominated. Wives learned to do better.
  • Wives competing directly with husbands weakened love and its connections. Women learned to do better.
  • The directness and self-respect of girls and single women discouraged men getting their way and thereby earned more respect of women.
  • Female toughness, self-love, and the loving ability of women earned and defended self-respect and made male dominance tolerable to women and children.
  • Capitalizing on that above, women became more successful over the centuries.
  • By using discretion and risking disapproval and criticism, they convinced men that love and sex were not the same. She could love, would provide comfort and care, but only yield sex if a man married her.
  • Formal marriage became successful and families more bountiful, and so marriage became standard, expected, and institutional.
  • As prosperity improved home life, wives became more influential with husbands and their affairs. The inborn patience and indirectness of a wife’s loving spirit helped husbands morph workplace values and standards into an ever-increasing female-friendly society.
  • More influential wives enabled mothers to raise children to love one another, and who as adults added more love-based values into the workplace. Each generation built more pressure toward female-friendly prosperity.
  • Over the course of two millennia the role of women developed differently than happenings outside Western civilization. Women led men to greater comfort in  homes covered in love and wives wrapped in it, the married man found much more satisfaction with himself than when male dominance stomped on female-friendly domestic life.
  • Women finally and gradually broke onto the political scene with typical female courage to pursue what they need in order to get their way. In the present day, they get their way with everything but with man, boyfriend, or husband.
  • On the surface it appears women can have their way with a man, but they can’t capture or keep the one they want most. When she chooses to get her way indirectly and instead favors a man’s directness, she can find a man willing to spend his life with her.

Over two millennia, women groped, grappled, and fought in the background. They managed, however, to morph two male-dominant religions—Christianity and Judaism—into our female-dominant Judeo-Christian culture. They got off the sideline of society by conquering a man for marriage before he conquered her for sex. Love was her instrument of persuasion, being possessively cherished was her reward.

Women were thus empowered with love legitimized and made highly respected by Christ. Out of that endowment, women made themselves highly desirable, meaningful, useful, and worth more in the best interest of men.

Nowadays, women battle in the foreground to get their way with a man. The modern process, however, leaves men thinking that a woman’s love is neither desirable, meaningful, useful, nor in the best interest of a man. Too much else goes with it, and women are no longer in the winning position. They’ve dealt themselves a lousy hand.

 

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1974. Compatibility Axioms #391-400


 391. Having many sex partners hardens a woman’s emotions, which softens her thinking about the opposite sex. She doesn’t learn enough positive and affirming things about men that are so vital for keeping one as her own. [138]
392. Natural female beauty attracts sex partners, but it fades for each conqueror as romantic love inevitably fades. The cheaper his conquest, the sooner the fading. Beauty earned at higher price lasts longer. [138]
393. Older women used to pass down lessons learned. Modern girls ignore their elders, their immaturity expands, and boys and men exploit female immaturity for sex only. Seeds of marital incompatibility are thus planted.[138]
394. Over time, delaying a man’s conquest pushes him to expose his real character, reveal her true role in his life, and correct whatever of his faults that displease her. Round heels relieve those pressures on him. [138]
395. Female adoption of masculine-style sexual freedom generates cheap sex for men. It arouses, encourages, and lures the male conquering spirit to venture outside the home. Wives suffer the unintended (or sometimes intended?) consequences. [138]
396. The popularity of masculine-style sexual freedom seduces women into playing the man’s game. It devalues the woman’s game of marriage and weakens or destroys husbandly responsibility and fatherly help in the raising of children. [138]
397. Promiscuous behavior hardens a woman’s heart, softens her natural hard-headedness, and makes her easy prey for selfish or manipulative men. With girls, the damage is both worse and imprints immaturity for life. [138]
398. The promiscuous woman experiences too few tough decisions that mold the character required to promote her self-interest to the fullest with one man. [138]
399. The promiscuous woman eventually learns that uninvolved sex leaves her empty. [138]
400. Our Judeo-Christian culture over several centuries has taught this: Two separate and distinct roles provide the greatest insurance for family harmony and success. He’s the head and she’s the heart. [139]

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1837. Advice to Women: Look for Character


Would it surprise you that character determines one’s destiny? Men with high-quality character are destined for a high-quality life. Women need a brighter future, so why don’t they put more value on each man’s character? How can women find a brighter future with a man than by latching onto one with the character sufficiently responsible to polish and shine their destiny together? I know women look for it, but many too easily or desperately rationalize and settle for something less.

Modern women accept whatever character Mr. GoodEnough displays. Men find it unnecessary to develop and display a responsible character in order to earn the admiration of females. As a result, the character of both sexes declines in quality and their lives follow suit.

Women initiate the self-fulfilling prophecy. They blame men for making society unfriendly for females and they get exactly that. Men accept cheap and easy sex as compensation. It enables Feminism to march on unencumbered by common sense and well-reasoned thought based on both the true nature and integrity of men and women.

Women today choose a man based on the imagined hope their female loving hearts disclose. Foolishly hoping that love conquers all, mostly hers with a smidgen of his, women slip and slide down rather than enable themselves to climb the relationship slope.

It boils down to this. As the character of women goes, so goes the character of men. Consequently, the cure for both womanly and manly ills lies within women. Need I point out that female character grows strong, determined, and more respectable when wrapped confidently in a moral code based on a Supreme Being rather than Man? Or, that females profit much more than men from the good in people and the lack of bad and evil? Or, that Judaism, Christianity, and our Judeo-Christian cultural values persuade people to become better people than whatever goodness already fills their hearts?

The most fundamental primal need of women is for a brighter future. If female destiny lies in the character of men and that lies in the character of women, why do women not promote and perpetuate beneficial relationship values? For example: High quality manliness flows from character. Her love depends on his integrity. Personal responsibility earns marriage, which earns sex. A demonstrated sense of domestic responsibility earns the privilege of fathering children. A brighter future and destiny awaits women that upgrade their expectations.

In writing WhatWomenNeverHear, not enough attention has been paid to character and its role in fulfilling womanly hopes and dreams. Perhaps that which appears above is but a start. I continue to believe and confirm to myself almost every day that women are the dominant value setters and female values are the backbone of the traditional and unique American version of Western civilization.

Modern women need to pay more attention to the character quality of the men they consider Mr. GoodEnough. Their future will brighten by merging female hopes and dreams with a man eligible by virtue of his character to wend his way to a brighter destiny.

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1741. Return to Decency


Her Highness Anne at article 1740 sparked this article. “Can women promote a culture of [decency and cultural exceptionalism] in the midst of today’s filth? …[W]hat can they do beyond the family?” Any resolution requires problem ID.

Our fast-disappearing Judeo-Christian culture still enables women to lead and men to follow. No other culture or religion does that. Female-dominated cultural values proved until the 1960s that filth and indecent conditions aren’t present when women don’t permit it. The present filth, family separations, violence, disrespect, irresponsible men, and numerous other female-unfriendly conditions arose out of Feminism, which purposely polarized the sexes.

Feminists and followers spread the originators’ lesbo-hatred of men. They demeaned and treated men as irresponsible, lazy, burdensome, inadequate, not admirable, not respected, and unnecessary for fulfilling female hopes and dreams. The self-fulfilling prophecy kicked in. With a new generation of boys coming online every six years, after eight generations males have become just what women claimed and TV, movies, and commercials continue to ridicule (as pointed out by Her Highness Boomer Babe).

Feminism, leftist politics, and cheap and easy sex came to dominate society. The male-dominated conditions will continue to worsen until girls and women demand through actions that men get rid of filth, restore decency, remain responsible for offspring, prevent violence, spread more respect in society, and on and on and on. (Men aren’t like women. They don’t much value what they hear. So, female words don’t work, but female actions impress men.)

It also worsens because women continue to do all the wrong things, and especially they try to talk and discuss relationship problems away. In short, the male gender continues to be demeaned as inadequate. Men see it as impossible or not worth it to be admired and respected by women. Consequently, they fulfill their natural need for self-admiration in ways that women disapprove as demeaning to females. (Ever heard of wham bam, booty call, porn, abortion?) Anyway, that’s the problem.

The solution lies in the hands of women. Men follow when women lead with female-friendly values, such as feminine mystique, female modesty, lifelong marriage, sex only inside marriage, family chain of command, he rules the roost and she rules the rooster, standards for ladies and gentlemen, and on and on. In this case, men are simple. In return for their handiness and hardiness at providing and protecting, they expect only respect for who they are and admiration for what they do. Do those things to match her man’s self-interest and a woman achieves one pinnacle of female life—if that’s truly what she wants.

Desirable change will come only from women. They have to start noticeably and generate change with femininity, indirectness, persistence, and hard-headedness to first teach all the men in their individual lives how to act around, treat, and entertain women as ladies and well-respected wives instead of women of the night and short-term lays. With actions that seem to demand it, they have to expect that men will rise to meet a woman’s expectations.

Of course it’s tough and will take several generations. Even though it has to be finally accomplished through motherhood, prospective mothers must be inspired from individual women going to work on every man to whom they are exposed. It’s taken us five decades to get where we are; that’s eight generations of new kids. So, you can expect it to take the same to restore some measure of what women long for. Modern men are not immutable, but as always with men, change comes slowly.

Who starts it and when? Government has the interest perpetuate a war between the sexes. Pastors can’t overcome the fear of losing tithes, offerings, and youngsters to replace oldsters that pass on. So, from where else but single and married women does the necessary fearlessness come? Only women have the courage to convince men that decent female values are superior to the trashiness of male values.

What can you do beyond the family? Convert yourself to a full-blown lady and associate outside the home. You can work on your extended family and pastor; school board and politicians; and friends and business associates. It’s slow and not always rewarding, but ‘pretty time’ (per article 1440) will make you feel better about yourself and provide many supplemental rewards.

Men heed it when females demonstrate how ladies can become more attractive, pleasant, respectful, less demanding, and of better support for their man. Men have only to see differences in female behavior, heed in friendly fashion, and work with women to improve their lives together or in association. In short, women need to stand up as ladies for sex differences and relationship equality and denigrate the abrasiveness that flows from Feminism and its failed attempt to suppress male dominance.

We all want to change the world but not ourselves. Women leading with high standards and expectations are best suited to overcome the natural resistance of both males and females.

You may conclude that I alibi for men. Not so. Neither you nor I can tell men what to do—and succeed. Only women have the God-given natural power and relationship expertise to twist the male tail into knots of compliance with female expectations.

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1571. The Power of Giving


The greatest result arising from our Judeo-Christian culture that made the American experiment so successful is this. Children are taught to live up to someone bigger than themselves, an unchallengeable supreme being. With it come the greatest blessings of all, free will and the power of forgiveness, especially of Self but also of others. By proving themselves worthy of God’s love as adults, they learn much easier to live up to the expectations of those they love, i.e., an earthly form of servant’s love.

Why does it work that way and so well? Because God’s love that comes through faith embellishes self-esteem, and endows a person with indisputable self-love that energizes them with the power to share it. Don’t think of self-love as pride but the willingness of people to give of oneself on behalf of others. Women are born with self-love, and so their ability to wrap themselves in God’s love and share it with others comes much easier than for men.

Today, Christian faith diminishes before our eyes. The willingness of the ancients to die for our faith has transmuted through the centuries into present-day unwillingness even to defend it against the pressures generated by secularism, atheists, and politicians. Political correctness, designed to make people too fearful to speak up, now destroys the freedom of celebrating our faith whereas the lions of the Roman Coliseum couldn’t.

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