1986. Self-gratitude—A New Beginning

 I’m frustrated. I can’t get the subject organized and written as I would like. So, I start at the back-end and will let your questions bring out the reasoning and details for a front end.

Women have to earn happiness, and it’s a three-step process. First, they find gratitude within themselves for who and what they are. Second, they find gratitude for other people and things in their lives. Third, they continually reinforce self-gratitude for two reasons. 1) It tends to easily weaken by comparisons to other people. 2) You can find gratefulness outside of yourself only to the extent that self-gratitude floods you own persona. The more grateful for self, the more gratitude you can find and appreciate until you realize that you’re happy.

After more than six years and a million words written, I’ve concluded lack of self-gratitude is the severest and self-induced shortcoming among females. It causes less control of self, which leads them into misery in the multiplex of singleness, disappointment, unhappiness, abandonment, loneliness, isolation, hopelessness, despair, divorce, depression, and gloom and doom. They pay too little attention to keeping their self-gratitude sufficiently inflated and pay too high a price at the box office of society.

So, I have compiled a list of things that should make women grateful when they adopt and embody them as values, standards, and self-expectations. The list is a start. I will maintain it by editing as readers convince me I should. I will also add new things at the top so readers can immediately see that new ones have been added.

You need to make a believer of yourself about each item that can be fitted into your personality, belief system, and roles in life. Remember this as you study each item. You can’t be grateful for yourself until you show yourself that you’re worthy by living up to your own standards and expectations. You have to live up to yourself in order to generate the self-worth that steadies and readies you to associate gratefully with others.

I suggest that you adopt, review, and rehearse daily until you believe some or all of the factors listed below. Consider your whole life in light of each. Where and how does each fit into your life? How does the absence of such beliefs make your life less worthy or successful? How does or can the presence of each improve your life? Make as many as possible a part of your convictions and beliefs. Start here by visualizing yourself.

I am grateful for myself because I:

1. [Next new one goes here]
2. [Have] the strength to do the right thing and live up to the expectations of those I have been giving the gift of caring for. [MLaRowe]
3. As a nurse can help others. [from Nancy]
4. Have a nice, more attractive body hiding inside me that I can bring into the light of my world. I’m especially grateful that I finally began to restore it.
5. Can convert the worth I see in others into value for my life and vice versa.
6. Depend on my man by doing for him rather than him doing for me.
7. Am capable more of giving that taking and am grateful for each opportunity to prove myself to myself.
8. Am capable of finding new ways every day by which to show to my man how he is respected for who he is and what he does.
9. Am vital to the people in my life and grateful that I can read the signs of it.
10. Can seek God’s forgiveness to relieve my self-blame and guilt.
11. Am worth any man but only a few are worthy of me. I have all the qualities I need to make one earn me and I work daily to make those qualities become virtues in the eyes of the best men.
12. Refuse to accept offenses to my feminine sensibilities by spotlighting my objection with word or departure. No more F- or C- words or similar filth in my presence, and that’s just for starters.
13. Grieve at the loss of a loved one with this firm conviction lodged in my heart. They would not have wanted me to miss a single good day of life if they thought they were the cause.
14. Have learned that commitment is of the mind and mouth and devotion speaks of the heart through actions.
15. Recognize my man is short of providing all the affection that I would like to have. But he provides enough and I’m just glad our roles aren’t reversed such I would be the one accused of giving too little.
16. Recognize that my man’s handiness is the birthright equivalent of my prettiness. Pleasing each other comes easily in those domains.
17. Have my personality and roles wrapped up in the urge to be important to me and others. My free will enables me to make the best choices that maximize the benefits to all concerned.
18. Enjoy promoting my man’s sexual performance and ignoring whatever shortcomings I may detect. It’s such a vital part of his sense of significance that I am unable to let my attitude be construed as a threat.
19. Get endless enjoyment from nesting, nurturing, and nestling with loved ones.
20. Want a man of my own, but who is unchangeable except before conquest and after many years of age when more maturity and less testosterone morph him into Mr. Right.
21. Use to our advantage how my man focuses primarily on the present and I focus primarily on the future.
22. Promote my man’s producing, providing, protecting, and problem solving as the primary foundation for the strengthening and preservation of our family.
23. Can assuage my fear of abandonment by promoting and helping my man promote his sense of significance.
24. Am the primary determinant for brightening my future within our future together. It all depends on the choices I make, man I choose, and relationship we develop with my relationship expertise.
25. Appreciate myself more when I depend on my modest nature to guide me.
26. Can touch up my appearance in numerous ways and places and endlessly please myself with how truly pretty I am.
27. Feel better about myself when I dress and act more feminine and less like men.
28. Am honest in all affairs of the heart. I can handle the disappointments it may cause, because I’m overly grateful when Mr. Not Goodenough departs.
29. Have so many blessings to count. Let me see now, which are the best at this moment in my life?
30. Think enough of myself that I can help bear the burdens of someone else.
31. Forget after I forgive. Forgiveness is the true expression of ultimate power, and true forgiveness causes the giver to forget.
32. Appreciate and use my instinct and intuition that prompts me to be kind and tender hearted. I acknowledge two things. 1) We women are born to be good, and our kind and tender heartedness enables us to do good. 2) Men are born capable of doing good and become as good as we women teach them to do good.
33. Am able to comfort those less endowed or fortunate than I.
34. Can visualize peace and harmony in my home and know that I must determine what it is without demanding it, exemplify it without criticizing in hopes of getting it, and blend the contradictions as if nobody is wrong.
35. Appreciate never having to prolong the agonies that self-forgiveness can relieve. The best gift from God or use of my will power comes when I forgive myself.
36. Know how to find and screen Mr. Good Enough and that he will be blessed to have me behind and helping lead him to all his victories.
37. Don’t need my man’s faults to fade away soon after we marry. I’m patient enough to watch him morph from Mr. Good Enough into Mr. Right over the span of a couple of marital decades.
38. Resolve my own problems. That’s where I’m most independent and so considerate that I accept blame rather than impose it on others. My self-worth soars with each instance of sacrificing myself to lift blame from others.
39. Can reward myself at the mirror in numerous ways such that I don’t crave overly much recognition when away from it.
40. Can eagerly honor this rank structure in our family: husband, wife, mother, father, and children.
41. Love my ‘new self’ at breakfast after mirror talk and enjoy the calm atmosphere that I bring to launching family into their respective days.
42. Unconditionally respect people and loved ones. It’s an awesome power that I can trust people who I know until evidence and good reason reveal that I shouldn’t.
43. Am proud to accept the principle of submission to husband while reserving the free will to take exception when appropriate.
44. Reap great pleasure spreading my self-identified joy wherever I go but especially in my own home.
45. Find gratefulness in all that I and my loved ones do.

How grateful do you now feel about yourself? More or less than when you started the list? Regardless, you should be energized to study further and consider options you had trouble accepting on your first viewing. The more self-gratitude you purposely generate by accepting individual factors, the sooner the misery multiplex will fade in importance and happiness will find you sooner.

561. Guilt

Reorganized, clarified, and reissued as #1758.

289. The Dark Side of Feminism — Part 18

As a result of Feminism, both intended and unintended consequences now flood the social marketplace and domestic arena.

♣  Feminism promotes raising the self-worth of women at the expense of men. This signals women to be inferior.

♣  Feminism promotes an ideology that women believe. What people believe, they live, whether to their advantage or not.  

♣  Every woman’s belief system determines whether she succeeds living with a man. If men are no good, she will see her man turn that way sooner or later. (Pygmalion Effect)

♣  Every man’s belief system determines how he will deal with women and live with one woman. If he expects to have troubles, he will. (Pygmalion Effect)

♣  Feminism discourages men from dealing fairly and squarely with females. And vice versa, but men deserve it, so feminists say.

♣  Under- or unappreciated as males, men act irresponsibly to female interests. Finger-pointing and blame make shortcomings spread infectiously across the gender. 

♣  Except to make money, male dominance has no incentive to build up or promote the opposite sex. But female intuition and relationship expertise invent incentives. Feminism kills this female advantage. 

[Other posts about the Dark Side are 251, 233, 211, 196, 180, 168, 157, 146, 134, 129, 123, 103, 92, 71, 50, 47, and 23. Scroll down or search by the number and then click the title.]

275. Female Fortitude—91 through 95

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match previous posts.

91.      Male conquest is predominately a psychological victory. Later encounters with the same woman are physical. This makes their first sex together monumentally different from whatever comes later.

92.      Some women adopt stupid rationalizations: Get pregnant to capture or hold a man. A married man is better than nothing. We’re great in bed, so he must love me. If we don’t cohabit, I’ll lose him.

93.      One poor but popular strategy causes women to repeatedly lose the battle of the sexes: She thinks sex will capture a man, her romancing will confirm him as the right man, and her love will hold him.

94.      Before marriage he has her on a pedestal. After the kids arrive she puts them on the pedestal. In doing so, she nudges herself off.

95.      Women cohabit, because they are desperate to hold a man, or they seek economic advantage. Men cohabit, because she’s unworthy of marriage, he wants to keep his options open, he seeks frequent and convenient sex at low cost, or all of the above.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 270, 265, 260, 255, 250, 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

252. Female dominance: Gone! — Part 8

Women use faulty tactics dealing with men. They ignore a strategic truism.

Einstein said: “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

Imagination motivates. It breeds drive and determination, and curiosity triggers it.

Immature women expect that exchanging intimate knowledge with a  man, especially sexual activity, will enable them to capture and hopefully keep a man. Nature works quite the opposite.

Men appreciate what they pay for, and the more dearly they pay, the greater their appreciation. Pay, that is, with their interest, focus, time, manners, sacrifice, energy, laughter, fun, games, promises, mistakes, affection, commitment, politeness, devotion, and even worry about losing her.

Not knowledge but a man’s imagination keeps him interested in her. It’s the promise of what lies ahead with her that keeps her glued into his self-interest.

For example, each step completed from flirtation to copulation satisfies and shifts curiosity to the next step. Knowledge gained step-by-step satisfies all curiosity about her body. It becomes a known quantity, quality, and value with conquest.

Mature women see his energy for her as more important than his knowledge of her, wanting her as more important than having her, imagining her as more important than knowing her.

If he wonders why she acts resistant to his come on, his imagination shifts toward finding out. If she’s not understandable, his imagination shifts toward her depth of character and what motivates her.

For example, feminine mystique is all about creating curiosity and satisfying it ever so slowly. Her need for modesty, intimacy, and privacy stimulate his imagination to know more about her.

Women could do better with a new strategy: Generate maximum curiosity and satisfy it the least. Exploit curiosity to trigger masculine imagination. It works better than making herself knowable and known without his having paid much in dedication, effort, and self-worry.

More on the shattering of female dominance appears at posts 237, 222, 209, 194, 173, 159, and 151.]

250. Female Fortitude—66 through 70

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

66.            A woman easily kills her relationship when she exhibits female weaknesses that harden her heart against cooperation and soften her head in favor of competing with her man.

67.            She recycles to the dreaded ex side of life. Her lament: ♫Where oh when ♫is my next boyfriend? She sighs, cries, and sponges up the sympathy and encouragement of her girlfriends. But the next hook up restarts the cycle.   

68.            Women hook up only to ask, Why does he not call? Many possible reasons apply both after weeks of dating and one night stands.

69.            Feminism encourages women to value themselves individually, as men do. Femininity encourages women to value themselves as part of a couple, as Nature endows them.

70.            If her ex is going to be any different than he was in their first marriage, he needs to respect her more than before. Only that will make him favorably different, and virtual virginity earns such additional respect.

[Previous fortitudinals appear in posts 245, 240, 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.]

240. Female Fortitude—56 through 60

These ‘fortitudinals’ provide special themes or summaries. Numbers match the posts.

56.      Any organization needs a CEO, a final authority to whom falls the toughest decisions. Two-boss organizations inevitably fall apart, and people—think kids—are confused by two equal authorities to whom they report. It’s so easy to play one against the other.

57.      Women seek happiness with a man, but they can’t be grateful for who he is and what he does. It doesn’t work.

58.      ♀ Capturing a man for the long haul is all about salesmanship. Like any effective salesman trying to seal a deal, she learns to ‘take it away’ and stimulate his pursuit. It supplements the vague and unavailable and virtual virginity strategies discussed elsewhere.

59.      Even when sex is not cheap, a man ponders that other women look better than his present sex partner. As a skillful and successful hunter-conqueror, he could do better the next time. A woman’s challenge and only option is to make him forget the ‘do better’ and ‘next time’ parts.   

60.      Ignorant women begrudge male dominance. Smart women go around it, smother it with feminine charm, tease it into submission, and manage the pressures. No matriarchy has arisen in over 7,000 years, so evidence points to unalterable DNA as the root cause.  

[Previous ‘fortitudinals’ appear in posts 234, 228, 213, 203, 199, 186, 182, and 176.

165. Teen sex shapes adult life

It all starts and ends with teen sexual activity. That’s where individuals of both sexes partition their individual domains, develop their roles and mindsets about the opposite sex, and develop whatever dominating influence they will wield or lose in future relationships.

Hunks and popular boys learn they can dominate without special effort.

·         They attract the hotties and disdain the notties. This reinforces their natural preference for the attractive and the newly attractive that comes in view.

·         They get by with whatever they want to offer of themselves. Dominance succeeds with little effort. It’s a piece of cake, and such boys have a sweet tooth.

·         Relationships, girlish devotion, and sex come so easily that they don’t pay much attention to learning details about girls.

·         To get what they want, they please girls enough and let teen cultural values—largely determined by such boys—provide the rest.

·         These boys pass into adulthood with their minds made up about most things; they learn through success that little need exists to give in to females. Success breeds repetitive behavior.

Unpopular boys also learn there need be few limits to their domination of females.

·         They experience few if any relationships, so their ignorance grows.

·         They experience rejection or fearfulness, which induces uncertainty, bitterness, and even revenge.

·         Rejection and relationship failure reinforce a boy’s determination, and this strengthens his natural dominance in adult life.

Girls provide cheap sex.

·         They never compete with boys by withholding sex and thereby learn to earn masculine respect.

·         As women, they don’t know what else to do except survive as an ex until the next guy comes along.

·         Unless they undergo a personal renaissance, they never learn the lessons about males that virtual virginity teaches. (Other posts describe details about VirtVirgin.)

Virgins and virtual virgins learn new lessons with each boyfriend.

·         Competition to protect their virtue earns masculine respect, and the lessons for controlling male dominance sink in after a few boyfriends.

·         When they pass into womanhood, they have learned what they want from a man and how to get it. This includes being able to handle, negotiate, and accept what they can’t change about a man’s drive to dominate.

Consequently, teen sexual activity weakens female abilities two ways for living successfully with a man.

·         It enhances the intensity of adult male dominance.

·         It reduces female influence with men and a man.

Adult women don’t like this self-weakened status that they generated earlier in life. So, they fight back.

·         Adult men and women compete more openly and even radically instead of cooperating as couples.

·         Split ups become ever more prominent and popular as sexual freedom expands even into the youngest, pre-pubescent girls.

·         Worse is yet to come, as intensely male dominated households lose influence with daughters.