108. Chaste courtship works—Part 3

NOTE: Thanks to Suzanne for triggering this post. She put a big smile on my face, and I love it when pretty women do that. Guy

Relationships start with attraction, infatuation, and lust; fold into passion and love; and level off as enduring mutual love. Or, so women hope.

The rules for success are many, but wrongs trump rules, Nature trumps Love, and men trump women that don’t know how to make men successful at husbanding and fathering.

For successful living with a man, women as the relationship expert need to overcome the innumerable devils in the details. For example:

• Men don’t take orders from women. It weakens his sense of significance. Women are much more effective conveying their expectations some other way, more indirectly.
• Women must qualify their man for marriage; condition him to accept her values, standards, and expectations; and expect never to change him after their first sex together.
• Man of the House, Head of the House, Home CEO, or whatever you call it, women indirectly govern the home unless she sided with the wrong man. It takes a long courtship to decide correctly.
• It’s her nest to build into a castle. But then, he expects comfort and convenience over her perfectionism, functionality over her style and fashion, and at least the appearance if not the actuality of him as boss. 
• Men respond to women eventually, but not immediately, directly, or openly. They need time and latitude to make his meeting her expectations look like something else—even his idea. Men can afford to be impatient, but their woman cannot. Patience is an immensely great female virtue for marriage.
• Men treat women as females teach them, mostly earlier in life. Mothers sometimes fail, girls stupidly don’t condition boys to respect females, and single women provide sex before they earn a man’s respect by not providing it. Hence, some men mistreat women.

People don’t mistreat those they respect. That’s why a long courtship helps qualify a man as having had a good upbringing and as having developed potential for treating her well.

60. Why he doesn’t hear her—Part I

Women, not men, have to tell men how to deal with women. And they should do it with feminine expertise that appeals to men instead of feminist disrespect that disuades men from respecting women.

No two women are pleased in the same ways. Ditto for men. The Battle of the Sexes is fought as protagonists smoothing out their respective interests during courtship in order to promote living together—after which the smoothness gets rumpled. All else is incidental.

A woman’s battleground success flows mostly from indirect messaging and highly feminine techniques that make a man feel good about himself. Men respond favorably and become pliable when rewarded appropriately. They respond unfavorably if not. Those are the rules for life’s game in which women need men more than vice versa.

Ignorant women begrudge male dominance. Smart women go around it, smother it with feminine charm, tease it into submission, and manage the pressures. No matriarchy has arisen in over 7,000 years, so evidence points to unalterable DNA as the root cause.  

This begs the question: How do smart women hold male dominance within acceptable bounds? The answer: They outfox the fox. They empower him to rule the roost, while they learn to rule the rooster. She lets him dominate the present, while she shapes their future to match her hopes and dreams.

She makes him head of the family and proud to be that, while she as the neck points and promotes family togetherness, solidarity, and morale. She sacrifices herself for him and family in their early years, and reaps her rewards later as well-loved matriarch of a warm, close knit, admirable family.*

Reward men appropriately for husbanding and fathering, and women can have what they want out of life with a man. ‘Appropriate’ means as defined by that man and no one else. So, a woman’s lifelong major task is to uncover what her man expects from her, and make sure she will not be victimized in whatever follows. (Of course she can claim that she’s due the same thing. But, he lacks the skills and interest to provide it.)

It’s humongously tough to do. Reward mostly means respect and gratitude for who he is and what he does. But each man individualizes it. Among the natural female ‘nessies’ described in post #59, there are innumerable ways for a woman to reward her man. When she continually shines in his eyes, that’s usually reward enough.

* Thanks to Nia Vardalos for the neck analogy from her movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

————————- 

A Guy Note: Women know what they want, but they don’t know how to get it. They’re doing it all wrong. That’s What Women Never Hear, but now they can read it here.  

9. Breakups happen, Nature trumps love

Women too often and too easily mistake a man’s infatuation for true interest in her, his lust for bonding, and his soon-to-fade romantic love for the kind of endearing, enduring, and respectful love that lasts. Soft-headedness and cheap sex breed many bad female decisions.

Women can persuade their man to change, but if it goes contrary to his nature, he will resent and later hold it against her.

Earning and keeping a man’s devotion is more her job than his obligation.

Female malpractice is whatever makes other women look better to a husband or live in.

If he shows disrespect for her before their first sex together, it will worsen after conquest.

Men learn to be romantic by needing it as a technique to go where they cannot otherwise go. Hard-to-get girls teach boys about romance, or they grow into men that always want to bypass romance in favor of sex.

The appearance of husband’s comfort arrangements cry out for correction. So, wives try, tempers fly, husbands defy, and then say goodbye.

Women kiss a frog. He turns into her prince. They marry. Then, she neuters him. Then she can’t stand him.

Women mature and get set in their ways more than men. If not so, there would be far less need for trophies for older men.

A wife that submits to husband as head-of-the-house signals belief in him and magnifies his significance as little else can. It’s a necessary step to sustaining his devotion, which is so necessary to retaining his marital allegiance.