262. Mom’s misguided intentions

Loving intentions: Mother wants her little darlings to look cute and be well liked and become more popular. So, starting soon after birth, she keeps them in the latest kids’ fashions.  

Unintended consequences compound for years:

·        Kids in the weans don’t care how they look. Other than being warm and dry, clothes bore them. Little girls playing dolls and dress up are an exception, but it doesn’t affect the rest of this story.

·        Kids learn that moms are supposed to spend time, effort, and money to make them look better, more well-liked, more popular.

·        Girls look like Shirley Temple. Mom looks like Raggedy Ann, because she lives vicariously through her daughter

·        Kids become eye candy for perverts and predators.

·        Mom prompts and kids learn to focus on looks rather than character.

·        Kids learn to deal with one conflict of the tweens. Mom says fashionable clothes generate popularity. Kids learn acceptance is both easier and more important than popularity, but they still yearn for the latter.

·        The approach of puberty makes kids more clothes conscious. They learn that fashion is not only essential, but the latest is more so.

·        Kids enter teen years, and clothes consciousness assumes its own independence. They accept late fashions as necessary to their appearance and, hence, acceptance by peers and potential for popularity.

·        Fashion statements become critical for one’s popularity. Independence must be shown. Looking different from one’s parents crowns this emerging independent spirit.

·        Mom must pay, but taste belongs to kids. They fully expect to stay fashionable in teen years, because mom awakened the spirit in the weans and tweens.  

·        Mom liked the kids being fashionable, when she set standards, shopped, and selected. After puberty, she objects to teen independence, style, fashions, and costs. Too extreme for her.

·        Mom remembers having heard that clothes make the person. She now sees her priceless kids attired so different from her expectations.

·        Teen years fill up with family squabbles over style, substance, standards, costs, and choices of attire.  

·        Self-esteem takes a hit. Teens assume that mom no longer likes them. She changed so drastically when they wanted to define what makes them look good, well liked, and popular.  

·        Until mom’s self-imposed problems arose, husband/father/stepfather was largely ignored. His interests don’t lie in keeping kids fashionable.

·        To men, clothes make the man, not the boy. Childhood is for play. Being well liked is far less important then becoming well accomplished and prepared for adulthood.

·        He’s ill prepared to solve the unintended consequences of mom’s good and loving intentions.

Such multiple consequences haunt throughout the teen years and harsh feelings may linger beyond.

NOTE: I’m not against fashion, fashionable or fashion statements—for adults. Keeping kids in the latest fashions treats them as adults, and that’s the problem. Good intentions smash family harmony after they pass through puberty. I hope to publish more on family disharmony caused by elevating kids and treating them as adults.  

253. Boob language — Part 11

Females duplicate men in manner, language, style, attire, and grooming. Ignorant of masculine priorities, they expect to captivate manly interest for more than sex.  

·        Women duplicate men in no-style dress and thoughtless grooming. Beer with the guys attracts them better.

·        Pregnant women copy tee-shirted beer bellies. If he can do it, she can too. The world gets uglier, as women think they gain through defiance.   

·        As women dress down in everyday life, men outdo them to confirm masculine independence. So, men dress worse, and women follow suit.

·        Loose and shapeless bras provide comfort, but unadvertised assets generate little curiosity. If she has no incentive to show herself off to the max, then he figures his max will not be required. So, she starts off in the hole.  

·        Women dress erotically to capture a man. They attract attention and may be taken off the shelf and even taken home. But eroticism promotes sex, not loyalty for the whole product.

·        A keeper advertises and packages herself to keep sex in the background, because that keeps male minds focused on her star quality.

·        Cleavage draws his eyeballs downward and his thoughts to nestling there. Good advertising works! Does the rest of her appearance sell her as quality stuff or just promote unintended consequences?

Modern females make sloppy, careless, and slovenly fashionable. They slouch a lot. They do this although men feast with their eyes, and husbands expect a wife they can show off.

[More boob language appears at posts 235, 220, 205, 188, 102, 98, 81, 52, 49, and 12. Search by the number followed by dot and space.]

108. Chaste courtship works—Part 3

NOTE: Thanks to Suzanne for triggering this post. She put a big smile on my face, and I love it when pretty women do that. Guy

Relationships start with attraction, infatuation, and lust; fold into passion and love; and level off as enduring mutual love. Or, so women hope.

The rules for success are many, but wrongs trump rules, Nature trumps Love, and men trump women that don’t know how to make men successful at husbanding and fathering.

For successful living with a man, women as the relationship expert need to overcome the innumerable devils in the details. For example:

• Men don’t take orders from women. It weakens his sense of significance. Women are much more effective conveying their expectations some other way, more indirectly.
• Women must qualify their man for marriage; condition him to accept her values, standards, and expectations; and expect never to change him after their first sex together.
• Man of the House, Head of the House, Home CEO, or whatever you call it, women indirectly govern the home unless she sided with the wrong man. It takes a long courtship to decide correctly.
• It’s her nest to build into a castle. But then, he expects comfort and convenience over her perfectionism, functionality over her style and fashion, and at least the appearance if not the actuality of him as boss. 
• Men respond to women eventually, but not immediately, directly, or openly. They need time and latitude to make his meeting her expectations look like something else—even his idea. Men can afford to be impatient, but their woman cannot. Patience is an immensely great female virtue for marriage.
• Men treat women as females teach them, mostly earlier in life. Mothers sometimes fail, girls stupidly don’t condition boys to respect females, and single women provide sex before they earn a man’s respect by not providing it. Hence, some men mistreat women.

People don’t mistreat those they respect. That’s why a long courtship helps qualify a man as having had a good upbringing and as having developed potential for treating her well.