113. Sex is iffy.

When fascination, infatuation, lust, respect, and love fade for a woman, men resort to character and nature. Women usually suffer consequences with roots in their first sex together.

The male mind set comes in all shapes and sizes. But, like women, they have their own set of expectations. Unfortunately for women, masculine expectations lean toward conquest more than relationship stability. That’s evident in the way men change after conquest of a woman.

If he won’t honor her values, standards, and expectations before conquest, he likely won’t afterward.

If he won’t make himself worthy of her before conquest, instead of her becoming worthy of him, he likely won’t afterward.

If he won’t romance her before they get into foreplay and intercourse, he likely won’t learn to do it for their future together. [See post #33, ‘Romance Gap’ is all about her.]

If he’s the buyer and she’s the seller before marriage, look out for the dump that’s likely coming.  

If she’s not the seller to his buyer role after marriage, she’s likely qualifying herself for abandonment.

If she expects his devotion, remember that it arises from what he does for her, not what she does for him.

If she yields to him, she should expect conqueror’s rights to kick in. First, he takes charge of their sexual agenda.

If she expects to be a big trophy for him: The harder to get, the bigger the trophy.

If she expects her feminist leanings, attitude, and political expectations to override his natural masculine behaviors, her value to him will diminish over time.

If after they marry she waters down her help, support, gratitude, and encouragement for who and what he is, she may also want to research where the local exes recovery group is meeting. 

 

76. Her mushy thinking—Part 3

She provides easy sex before marriage. She gives away what she doesn’t have to. After marriage she withholds sex. For example, retaliating for her hurts, she displeases him deliberately. Whatever the reason, withholding herself weakens his sense of significance with her.

She elevates children to adult status, which demotes husband to subordinate status and moves him toward insignificance—his greatest fear.

She assertively rejects this advice gem of politics and negotiation: ‘Don’t complain, don’t explain’. Instead, she unloads with everything bothering her as it bothers her. Little discretion comes across as nagging.

She gives birth at all ages without father’s presence or commitment to help. She sacrifices her child’s father-balanced future on the altar of her female ego.

She tries to take more than she gives when negotiating some issue of greater importance to husband than to her. He may deserve such treatment, and she may win the battle. But their future together dims.

She makes maintaining her imperial nest more important than retaining her man.

She reverses this model and wonders why she loses: In dating and courtship women are buyers and men sellers. Men prove their worth in order to earn her. In marriage, women are sellers and men buyers. She proves her worth in order to keep him.

She admires celebrities or others more than her husband. Admittedly, for other reasons than how she judges him, but he still comes up short. It contaminates her wifely mind for permanency.

She vocalizes jealousy of her man’s job, hobby, or recreation. She thus primes his abandonment pump. He may be totally in the wrong. But her drumbeat hardens more than weakens his determination. As the relationship expert, she has other options, but her mushy thinking thwarts her.

She expects that he will respond to stimulants just as she does. For example, guilt motivates her to do something to relieve it. Men largely ignore guilt trips placed on them and easily handle guilt they lay on themselves.

She would rather be friends with her kids than essential to her man.

She favors her kids over his. If she can’t treat all kids alike, her blending of families will not be very successful. If she can’t trust her kids to the care and admonition of her husband, she married the wrong man.  

66. Hard-hearted Hannah

A woman easily kills her relationship when she exhibits female weaknesses that harden her heart for cooperation and soften her head into competing with her man. Weaknesses follow:

♥ Facetiousness prompted by fear of being wrong.

♥ Hatefulness prompted by dislike of herself.

♥ Selfishness never untaught to her in childhood.

♥ Busyness pursuing her personal rather than their agenda.

♥ Fussiness inspired by desire for perfection.

♥ Bitchiness that flows from envy, jealousy, and similar emotions related to others.

♥ Fearsome brought on by mistakes that she thinks might be repeated endlessly. 

♥ Quarrelsomeness that emerges from her desire to drive their bus.

♥ Untidiness, the nesting merits of which she was never taught in childhood.

♥  Loneliness imagined when he’s not alongside her.

♥ Lonesomeness caused by husband’s absence at work.

♥ Moodiness that flows from inability to control events to her satisfaction.

♥ Carelessness prompted by weak sense of responsibility.

♥ Sloppiness that reflects badly on husband to his friends and competitors.

♥ Phoniness energized by fear of her true character being found out.

♥ Political correctness brought on by sense of being victimized.

♥ Unfaithfulness that boils in oil her man’s sense of significance.

54. Her Majesty, hard-hearted—Section 2

Note: Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. Oftentimes women harden their heart. Poor results dealing with men usually follow:

♥ She marries expecting him to change. He marries expecting her not to change. He does not, but she does. Both get what they don’t want.

♥ She treats her man as a domestic regarding household tasks—all orders and few decisions left to him. This adds to a sense of insignificance for him, his greatest fear.

♥ She exhibits poor leadership by telling her man HOW to do things instead of WHAT to do. She wants her nest made more perfect in her eyes, so she uses her standards to deny his imaginative inputs or direct interest.

♥ She takes charge after marriage and keeps squeezing him to fit better into her ideals of their home and life within it. He resists, resents, and retaliates the more she keeps insisting.

♥ She considers his machismo and the male ego to be ‘crimes against females.’ This signals her preference for a wuss and so she treats her husband accordingly.

♥ She turns phony and hides her true character in order to get a man to marry her. Afterward, she reverts to her true self and to him becomes a different woman—one he did not intend to marry.

♥ She rejects him as family hero and elevates the kids over him.

♥ She expects him to husband her with no tradeoff for his having given up his freedom.

♥ She treats his opinions as less important and judgments as less valuable than that of someone outside their home.

♥ She gives birth to a less-than-normal child, or has one die, and goes to extremes to provide care or assuage her grief or guilt. In the process she devotes herself to the child or memories at the expense of her husband, thus making him insignificant relative to her grief and perhaps guilt. She cannot forgive him or her. That is an extra-hardened heart.

36. Her Majesty, hard-hearted—Section 1

Note: Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. Oftentimes women harden their hearts. Poor results dealing with men inevitably follow:

She doesn’t like herself very well, so others are also undeserving. This defines the hard hearted female.

She does not teach her sons to keep zippers zipped as the way to teach boys to respect and honor the female sex.

She gets in his face for which she will pay a price somehow, somewhere, sometime. Not as revenge, necessarily, but as male response to female aggression.

She harbors and displays feminist feelings that do not interest her man, mostly because Feminism disdains his manliness and even ridicules his masculinity.

She ignores a man’s strengths and downplays his value for producing, providing, protecting, and problem-solving for family life.

She kisses a frog, neuters her prince, rejects him as royalty, and generates hassles in their hut, because she is unable to make it his castle.

She shows ungratefulness for her man and blames him for her unhappiness, when one’s happiness is the mirror image of one’s gratitude and unhappiness the absence of gratefulness.

19. Her mushy thinking—Part 1

Men are born hard-headed and hard-hearted. Women are born hard-headed but soft-hearted. Oftentimes women go soft in their thinking. Mushy, that is. Poor results dealing with men usually follow:   

She believes in little, so she tends to believe in anything. This defines her soft headedness.

She accepts a man’s words instead of taking time to test and judge his actions.

She believes too easily what men tell her, and so she falls for offers that favor his interests over hers.

She cannot separate a good man for marrying from a man good for fun and games.

She cannot turn away from the self-centered man full of himself and venomous words that parboil her self-esteem, reduce her self-image, and subvert her self-interest.

She disregards or fails to exploit the character shaping and guidance provided by God, religious morality, and her female nature.

She dresses daughters in adult-like, fanciful, and erotic attire to make herself look good as a modern pop culture parent. She exposes her child. A sex recruiting poster for both the stepfather and males inclined to stalk, rape, kidnap, and murder.

She has learned little in her life about the nature of males and females and less about how to make them complementary and compatible—even if she were to try.

She wants her own man so badly that she signs up with almost any male offer.

She wants to build and maintain her castle through him but not for him.  She thinks ‘equality’ with household work and child care is not only attainable but sustainable to her man’s liking and acceptance.